Hi Motherofboys

I can relate to your post. My husband has terminal cancer we were told around 12 months in March 2021. I'm still working but it's a struggle to go in as I have so many sleepless nights. Sadly my hubby has become very cold toward me, I sleep in a different room after his chemo and I think he'd like it to be permanent.  He's very hurtful with things he says to me but fine with others. 
my work are very understanding and flexible so if I've had a bad night I can change my hours. I don't know if that's an option for you but speak with your line manager. 
the strain just feels constant and I don't cope well with his coldness. I too feel like a mental nut at times. The only other thing I can say is day at a time, try not to think of what is not yet with you. 
you need to look after yourself too, can you reduce your working hours if needed? 
I wish you well and hope things get better for you ...

Luckily I only work part time. I had been about to start looking for a full time job (as my kids a re now teenagers) when we got the diagnosis, but then decided not to change anything for now.

My manager has offered flexibility, but I'm concerned to start calling on it when we are only in the early months of this. I am expecting this to go on for months (hopefully? years) and get much worse than it is just now. I thought about taking holiday/getting signed off sick - but I don't think that would fix anything, just delay it. When I came back after the break I'd be back at square one.

I think you are right, I need to work harder on being blinkered - just looking at today and tomorrow, and postponing thoughts about what might be in a few days time. As the person in the familiy who does all the forward planning, it doesn't come easily. But I'll keep trying.

Hope your situation eases. It is hard, if someone's being hurtful to you, to think they are only doing this because they need to pass on their own hurt and feel that yours is the relationship that can weather it. Take care of yourself.

It very much depends on your work. I was extremely lucky to have a hugely supportive worklace who let me change hours around school pick ups and so on and appointments. They offered me time away, but i found it valuable to have some time away from cancer and illness, but would find myself browsing this chat room for hours on end. I don't think that there is any specific way to approach it, just do the best that you can - us carers have a lot to cope with and all you can do is your best.

Be kind to yourself.