Together we will beat cancer


How do you accept you have to let them go?

30 Nov 2017 00:21

My amazing mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer back in March this year... she was doing really well and recently started immunotherapy treatment. 

Unfortunately, mum stopped eating and drinking and was really sleepy for a few weeks. She previously had a mini stroke and I thought maybe she was experiencing more of them, which ultimately lead me and my sister to phoning an ambulance. She was admitted into hospital and suddenly, without any scans we were told the cancer had become more aggressive and they were going to stop all treatment and put her on palliative care with just weeks to live. 


I feel so guilty, I wish I never made her go to hospital, perhaps if she never went she would still be able to access treatment ?! Did the hospital stay ultimately make her worse? I can’t help but blame myself for her rapid decline Sad I have so much guilt and regret and I don’t know how I will ever get my head round all of this!!


I wish i could let my mum go, but I just can’t. I am pregnant and I planned this baby once i found out about my mums diagnosis. It is my only wish she would just be able to meet my little one, but i fear that she won’t make it til June and i know in my heart it’s not fair to make her keep hanging on for me Sad  


i don’t really know what i want from this post, but any advice would be welcomed ❤️

Re: How do you accept you have to let them go?

30 Nov 2017 18:45 in response to hannah1712d

Hi.... so sorry you are all going through this ... cancer is heartless .... I just wanted to say, please don't feel guilty ... we can all think of things we would change if we could turn back time ... do things differently... but the truth is, we do what we feel is right at the time ... you sound like a wonderful daughter, and bet your mum is so proud of you....

No one wants to let go ... we hold on as long as we can ... it is one of the hardest things we will go through in life ... second only to loosing a child ... hold on brave lass, and sending caring vibes, and big hug ... chrisie ❤ xx 

Re: How do you accept you have to let them go?

11 Dec 2017 03:04 in response to hannah1712d

Hi, I am a little late on responding to your post.  I hope you are begining to understand that your mother dying was not because of anything you did or could prevent. During her illness it sounds like you provided her a lot of support during the hard times and you should be very proud. My wife was doing great, and one morning wasnt feeling good  and 72 hours later she passed in her sleep. Cancer is cruel and unpredictable.

My daughter is facing the same challenges of her mother passing away. She has kept many things that where special between the two of them. This have helped her adjust to her mother being gone. My daughter is also having a baby.  I believe her mother will shine within the baby.  

 Give yourself time to adjust. Now start remembering the good times.Talk with someone if necessary. Things will get better.

Re: How do you accept you have to let them go?

11 Dec 2017 04:40 in response to hannah1712d

Don't you dare say you feel guilty never, My beautiful wife was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just 3 months ago & her chemotherapy was due to start in 2 weeks time but yesterday in hospital while we were sat together she was taken from me without warning. I too wish I had got on at her about going to the doctors earlier & then maybe she would of had a better chance but it's all ifs & buts now. Please be strong for your mum. Pete 

Re: How do you accept you have to let them go?

11 Dec 2017 07:24 in response to Pete1

Hi Pete... just wanted to say, my heart is with you at this time ... words fail me, so sending you a virtual hug instead ... Chrissie xx ❤ 

Re: How do you accept you have to let them go?

11 Dec 2017 09:15 in response to Chriss

Thank you Chrissie, I just feel so lost