Firstly, I'm so sorry for your lose. It's all so very fresh for you, all I can really say is don't try and fight your feelings, you need to procees them, however painful they feel. There is no right way. 
your mum wants you to find happiness in life again and that will come, but first you need to feel what ever you need to feel. Be kind to yourself.

Hi Andy I read your post feeling so sad for you. I lost my Dad in 2018 and it was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. My Dad, like your Mum, would never have wanted any of his loved ones to feel as broken as I did and admittedly sometimes still do when I'm having an off day, All I can say is that I feel we are really very lucky to have had such amazing parents and, even though you don't feel like it now, it does get a little easier bit by bit. Her strength lives on in you. You'll have Good days and bad days.Go easy on yourself. Take care.

I am so sorry to read your post and in particular identify with the words "grief has claimed my heart". My daughter died 2 weeks ago on Christmas eve aged just 37 and I  feel so lost. What a cruel disease this is. 

Hello

I'm so sorry :(

I lost my Mum to cancer when I was 25. She had been ill for 4 years so I get what you are talking about personal care-wise etc although obviously it's easier for a daughter to assist her Mum with those things...

You took the best care of your Mum in the circumstances that were absolutely beyond your control and that nobody could have prepared you for. It's not something we are taught at school.

No person should go through it. No parent and no child. Everyone deserves a good and peaceful and not a premature death. But sadly we don't live in an ideal world and some of us will have to cope with more than  others. If it's any consolation, now, many years after, I can say going though all that has made me stronger and better as a person. I have a perspective in life and I know my priorities. So I'd like to think that if I've learnt something from it, then my Mum would be happy. I hope it will work out like that or in some other way for you too, so that you can find peace x

They say grief takes 5 years but it took much longer for me. You will go through stages of anger, sadness, denial etc. You need to allow yourself to feel emotions however raw. It won't be pretty but it's the only way for the wound to heal over time. There will always be a scar but maybe not so painful x 

I'd suggest seeking counselling. There are charities out there that help and maybe your GP could too. You cannot and should not be without professional help now. 

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Your Mum would like you to do that x 

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum she sounds like an amazing lady! 
 

The way we step up for our parents at the end is almost like role reversal & I know from my own experience I was not ready either. Sounds like you acted out of pure love for your Mum & although you were thrown so many obstacles you got through them & are here telling your story. 
 

I can't imagine how proud she must be of you & to me it sounds like you definitely have inherited her strength you are just heartbroken right now & that's totally understandable & normal way to feel after all you've been through.

i hope you can focus on all the wonderful things you did for your Mum & how proud she would of been of you for doing them & loving her that much. 
 

god bless your mum & god bless you too

Hi I’m sorry for your loss I’ve lost a parent too my Dad so I know exactly what your going through at first it is so raw and you can’t do anything I couldn’t eat or even pull myself together to even get dressed in the mornings you will never forget your mum and you did all you could like I did for my dad but I didn’t have any warning drs didn’t know he had cancer they mis diagnosed him for anti colag something to do with his blood they put him on wafting and my dad was dead within 5 weeks 

I want to tell you something if I may dying isn’t the end yes our loved ones have died and it is said I still cry over my dad now because of the way he died and I didn’t have enough time with him because he went into hospital the same day saying he couldn’t breathe I called the ambulance 

have you ever heard of a Near Death Experience I’m just one of many who have had the opportunity to have one so I know your mum is ok as I died at the age of 8 years old and I lifted out of my body and my whole life flashed in front of me I even so myself as a embryo and then a ping sound I was travelling down a tunnel and I was being drawn to a light and then I was at gates beyond the gates were these beautiful colours and a garden and I said to the light this is paradise I want to stay the light said no go back it’s not your time so of course god sent me back why I had that near death experience is because I didn’t believe in god even at age 8 ad I was born with a disability and because of the disability I thought there can’t be a god I don’t understand why some people have disability s and some don’t why some people have cancer and some don’t all I know is yes I do get very upset when my family dies as I’ve lost my Dad and A Aunt to Cancer and I’m going to lose another aunt now to cancer she’s in a hospice now and has maybe 2 weeks to live so I’m still going through grief once again because of this terrible disease called cancer so I thought I would share my personal experiences with you knowing that your mum is now healthy and looking over you she’s fine the emotions of the dead are not there as all the pain and hurt are taken away we are the ones who have to carry on with life and know that they are ok take care you have to live Day by day and you will get stronger I promise you take care from Karen Amanda 

Hi I'm younger than 16 and I lost my mum too just this Wednesday I'm in so much pain and I can't believe cancer got to her that quickly I know it hurts I just don't know who to speak to and I haven't stopped crying it hurts my insides so much I hate everything I see it reminds me of her and it puts me in more pain I know how you can feel 

I'm so sorry for your loss

Thank you same with you I'm even trying to move on it's been two days I just know my mum wouldn't want me to be upset and you know she lived her life everyone goes some point just some sooner I hope you know you were loved by your lost one and know that we all go one day it's hard but you know if she went later it may be more difficult if you were older it could effect our future health way more so we're lucky and their not in pain jm so sorry though it must be hard