It's just so hard isn't it? There is no justice. Some horrible people get to die peacefully of old age. Some really lovely people are taken far too soon, and suffer, like your Mum. Some religious people take comfort in the thought that some higher power is somehow acting 'for the best' but I am not one of these people. For me it's awful luck which illustrates just how random life is. The only advice is that I can offer is that it will get better over time. And you know that your Mum would like you to live a happy life after she is gone. Life is just so unfair. x Harry

Thank you very much for your reply x

Hi Amanda... loosing a parent is one of the hardest things we’ll ever go through, second only to loosing a child ... my dad suffered for a couple of years with phunmonacosis of his lungs .. he was so like the B F G ...even looked like him ... he was pure magic and the gentalist dad and I was so proud he was my dad .. I found out after that he’d been terribly abused as a child ... and to know how much he suffered at the end broke my heart .... but I was not going to let any one or anything take away those beautiful memories I had of him .. so every time I think of him in pain I make myself remember a wonderful memory... what he said, the stories he would make up, the magic tricks he showed us all when we were young, then our kids watched him in wonder ... 

if you can keep your mums good times in your heart, I think that’s how she would want you to remember her .. you have to mentally be determined to see the beautiful mum she was .. I know if I loose my cancer journey, that’s how I’d love my sons and grandkids to remember me ... we’ve had so many amazing times I’ve told them I’ll be watching .. they could miss me but I want to see them smiling and laughing at funny memories.. even if there’s a few tears along the way ... 

we were so lucky to have had such wonderful parents, me and you .. I still look up and speak to my mum and dad and tell them how our wonderful families are doing ... I’m sure they hear ... and they don’t leave us, they stay in our hearts forever ... your stronger then you realise... I bet she’s so so proud of her girl .. thinking of you .... Chrisie xx ️

I wonder the same thing. My dad is suffering unspeakable pain and misery for a few months and getting worse everyday (late stages of prostate cancer) and I don't think I'll ever get over his suffering.

If it was a dog, nobody would allow him to suffer this way. It would be animal cruelty. But humans have to suffer, isn't that twisted? I just wish he would die soon, I can't endure his suffering.

I think the only advice here is to just wait and time will make things better for you. I do believe in a distant future humanity will get kinder and people will be allowed to choose if they want to die with dignity, anywhere

Hello Amanda... Well, I don't speak english, I speak spanish so I try to give my best... My grandmother passed 2 years ago, and was so hard for me, really still is. Her last months was horrible and I couldn't nothing to change that. Thats why I feel so useless, because I love her with all my soul and I can´t change her situation or help her to feel better. But, when she's gone, I really can know that that's was better than see her suffering a lot in a bed all day. Just now, my mom has cancer too, but with her, I do not know why, I have a special kind of hope. I really believe in God and His miracles, in His time, and His reasons for anything. I believe in He, even if He decide to take her too. It's hard, but no imposibble.

Hi,

Thanks so much for this post. This is exactly how I am feeling. My Dad passed away in May of kidney cancer and cancerous brain tumours. My dad didnt suffer ridiculous amounts of physical pain as such like a lot of cancer suffers. In my view, I think he suffered mentally and the things that must have been going through his head and how he coped with it all I will never know, he was so incredibly brave. He lost a lot of movement and also some speech at times that he got very frustrated. I am still struggling to find a way of coping with what he had to endure xx

I am very sorry to hear that your dad passed away and I completely sympathise with how you feel about struggling to cope with his suffering. I keep trying to tell myself that I need to live my life the way my mum would have wanted me to but I know that I will never get over what happened. Hopefully over time we will just both learn to live with it. My mum, and by the sounds of it, your father were both so very brave xx

I think your mum would be very proud of her girl ... big hug from me to you brave lass xx Chrisie