Hi there Gemmy,

What a nightmare, you must be in shock over your news.

With regards to counselling, this is from personal experience from a small amount of contact with counsellors. Firstly, it’s much like any other walk of life. You hit it off with some people more than others. So you need to find someone you’re comfortable with, which basically is trial and error.

Counsellors shouldn’t be giving advice, they are there to reflect back what you say to them, so you “hear” your own thoughts. It’s about finding your own answers, the way you choose to live. Friends/acquaintances may well say “Have you thought of X,” or,”You should try Y.” Counsellors are more about, “So you’re saying you think Z?” Kind of re-enforcing your own feelings.

I had a couple of telephone sessions with one lady who was absolutely brilliant. She really helped. Then I spoke to someone else as she had retired. It felt very much like he was going through the motions rather than really listening. After that, I found  writing things down was useful. It helps get your thoughts straight, and you can look back at what you’ve written. Then you might think, well that doesn’t make sense…or yes, that’s what I’d like to aim for.

I hope you find a way forward.

Very best wishes. gamechanger

Thank you so much for replying gamechanger.  It's useful to have the benefit of your experience.  I like to flatter myself by thinking I'm very self-aware, but know I'll need some help with all of this and will look into options for counselling once things have settled down a little.  So much to take in.  Hard to believe that 3 weeks ago I was oblivious, packing bags for holidays, and now I'm packing a bag for the hospital to have major surgery on Monday for advanced OC.  Life is strange.

hi i had no symptoms too. i got married last year at the age of 50 never thought i found love again. i had pains on my right side 6 weeks ago went to the doctors and all she did was sent me away with pain relife and i was still getting pain so i decided to go to A/E at the hospital and had a scan and found a mass so then i had blood test done with a CT scan and found it was ovarian cancer but its stage 3B so i have to have 3 lots of chemos to shrink the mass and then operation and then 3 lots of chemo after abit scary because anything could go wrong as they have to remove my tubes and overies 

Hi gemmy if you look at some of these discussions you might be surprised at how many people went to doctor for something else and C was found most have been lucky and it's treatable. At least you had a good holiday, hope they get something sorted for you soon & hope divorces get sorted as well, I bet you've got a lot on your mind just now, I now it's hard but try to relax, like people say one day at a time it does help I know from experience. Best wishes.

Billy 

I am so sorry you are going through this. This must have been a huge shock for you. I would give councelling a go, you will be able to say things to the councellor that you may not want to say to your partner or family because you feel odd or you dont want to burden them with your worries and feelings. They wont say take each day at a time though really thats all we can do, when what you really want to do is run out into the street and scream at the top of your voice " do you know i have cancer and im scared and everyone is just carrying on regardless" .

I hope everything goes well for you and you recover well from your surgery. Find strength in those around you who love you xx

Hi janbed,

Congratulations on getting married, that's a wonderful thing.

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis, it is awful that so many of us are diagnosed in A&E.  

Are you due to start chemo soon?  I finished six rounds of carboplatin and paclitaxol in February and am now having Avastin for maintenance.  Feeling better mentally and physically, helped along by some antidepressants and counselling.  My hair is sprouting like a baby chick and my eyelashes are already nearly fully back.  It's nice to bat them at my other half!  Chemo had its moments, but honestly was not as bad as I had thought it would be.  My energy was zapped and I certainly had (still have) chemo brain.  

I'd never had an operation before so I was terrified at the prospect of mine.   I had a full hysterectomy with lymph node removal and recovered well from that, although I've now developed a hernia.  The staff at the hospital were amazing at helping to put me at ease,  I had a giggle with the poor nurse tasked with administering my enema (I'd not been warned about that, but it was an interesting surprise!), the porter who wheeled me down was a lovely lady and made sure she had enough hankies on board for the trip and the nurses and anethetist got me out for the count quickly and calmly.

It's completely natural to be scared, but there will be lots of hands for you to squeeze along the way.

My last scan at the end of February was NID.  Much better news than anyone expected and it is great being able to plan somethings to enjoy for the next few months ahead. 

There will be counselling out there and I'd recommend you give it a go, your husband too.  I'd dismissed it initially, almost completely after my very first session actually.  It takes time to settle into it though and I'm pleased I've carried on with it.  Friends and family are wonderful of course, but there may be fears and worries that you feel that you don't want to burden them with or just ones that they try and be a bit (with an intention of trying to be kind or to unintentionally protect themselves) dismissive of.  For example, my family say it's marvellous that I've 'beaten' (their words) cancer and, while of course it is wonderful to be in remission now, I can't get them to understand that I have a 95% prospect of recurrence.  I find it a bit frustrating and it helps to talk about that, and other things. 

Thanks Riggers,

You're entirely right about counselling and I'd recommend it to anyone dealing with this disease.  I had to be bullied into it by my other half, but he was right, as usual !  It gives me the chance to say all the crazy things and, for an hour each week, not to feel like I have to keep my chin up and pretend I'm ok.  It was only after going for a while that I realised that I was even putting on that front.  If I want to sit there in silence, that's fine.  If I want to sit there rant, rave and sob about how unfair life is, that's fine. If I want to sit and chat over practical solutions to things like a grown up, that's fine too.

Thanks for the kind wishes, I reciprocate the same to you.  

hi Gemmy yes going to start chemo soon abit scared because i am stage 3b. i am reading so much on line which i shouldnt be really, my husband is saying he shouldnt sleep with me because infactions while im having treatment.. i thought i could go to work inbetween my chemo but people are saying no as i could get infaction and set me back abit. 

Hi janbed,

Of course you're scared, it's natural to feel that way so please don't worry that you're being somehow weaker or less fearful than you should be.  I was utterly terrified ahead of my first round!  I'm stage 4b so appreciate where you are coming from.

One thing I remember doing was looking at a few videos on YouTube showing other undergoing chemo.  They at least gave me an idea of what to expect.  Plan to take a little bag with you; not too much though.  I followed a few online suggested lists and ended up with a huge rucksack, none of which I needed.  If you are on carbo and taxol too, you'll have a big dose of antihistamines which will probably make you dozy enough to sleep through most of it!  My only essentials now are a thick pair of cosy (cashmere - a gift from a generous friend) socks as my feet get cold, an aromatherapy roller ball, nice hand cream and face cream/mask - I slather it all on and give myself a bit of a pamper.  Sometimes, I watch TV or listen to podcasts on my phone.  I don't bother with books or magazines as, if you've got a cannula in, they are difficult to hold.

I had a portacath put in before my second chemo.  It was a bit of a faff having it installed but I wish it had been mentioned from the outset.  It makes treatment so straightforward.  I'd recommend you consider one, if you can.

As far as sex is concerned, I had worries about that too.  Check out this info though www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../women

No mention here about infection risk, although condoms are advised to protect your husband.  I found it important to carry on in that respect, even when i wasn't quite in the mood as it gave me an incredible sense of closeness and reassurance.

Have a chat to your medical team about work.  Depending on what you do it might not be a concern (subject to some from common sense precautions - anti bac hand gel etc)  an infection point of view, unless your white blood cells drop too low.  However, bear in mind that you may be better off giving your body and brain an extended break while you are undergoing treatment, if you can.

Hello Gemmy,

I really hope that you don’t mind me messaging you-I had a diagnosis yesterday and I’m completely terrified. My small family are around but I feel I need to speak to someone who knows what I’m going through.

I do hope that this message finds you well.

Kindest regards,

J