Well, never thought I'd be saying hello to you all in a cancer forum, but here I am. 

Found a boob lump beginning of the month, had mammogram, biopsy and ultrasound done beginning of last week, where I was told I likely had breast cancer. 

Spent the week in a holding pattern until my appointment on Friday, where it was confirmed as a grade 3 breast cancer tumor. 

I took the news well, because I kinda knew already it was cancer. The lump felt "black", so I knew it was sinister.

Just fed up with folks already asking me how I feel. I DON'T KNOW is the genuine answer. How are you supposed to feel?

I don't feel scared or terrified, like some of you have expressed. I am numb, shocked, but more concerned about leaving my emotions behind and burning brightly for my family. 

I'm more worried about my daughter who told me today she has irreversible kidney damage caused by mis managing her diabetes. Her situation is far worse because age 21, her beautiful life is ahead of her and if she doesn't sort herself out, she will be critically ill. 

I honestly don't feel sick and know I will make a complete recovery.  I will sail through treatment and be fine, but she won't be. 

I read a post from someone else who felt similar to me. I don't look and feel ill, therefore I feel like an imposter.

I have elected for my lumpectomy and surgical enhancement done during the Easter holidays and hopefully I can get my radiotherapy done just after May half term, so I can be back in school before the summer holidays. 

Just not feeling anything and already on mental health meds, but perhaps what I am not acknowledging is my fingers stuck in my ears saying "la, la, la I'm not listening" so in fact I'm feeling denial.

Oh it's so messed up.