Hello

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. I hope she is being kept comfortable.

I can relate to a little of what you're asking, here's my experience,

My husband wanted to die at home and that's what we planned and talked about.  However, there was some discussion around whether we would be able to get a hospital bed upstairs and as Steve and I both agreed that him dying in a hospital bed in our front room was not something either of us wanted, we opted to go to a hospice when the time came.  There are 2 hospices in our area and both are quite a long way and I would have had to stay over, so our lovely GP suggested a local nursing home.  It was nearer and she had often referred end of life patients there rather than a hospice.  The nursing home had private rooms (the hospice had bays of 4 beds) and the nursing staff were of an equal number and standard.  We jumped at that option.  In the event, we did manage to get a hospital bed upstairs and Steve died peacefully at home.

The sad fact is that hospices are a finite resource.  They are in huge demand and whilst it's shocking there are literally queues of people needing access to them.  I know it's not necessarily the response you want but your Mum may be better off in the nursing home, and certainly the pressure would be off you.  The funding is called fast track (I think) and we're so lucky to have it our NHS may be falling apart at the seams but my goodness me we're so lucky to have it.

I hope that helps  (even if it's not what you want to hear)

Take care

Ruth