Hi there Lauren ... so sorry hunny about your mum ... this is one of the hardest things you'll ever have in life ... second only to loosing a child ... all I can tell you is my story with my mum ... she phoned me one Monday morning to say she was going to town and then my sisters to get her hair done ... she was coming to mine the next day ... the last thing she said was "see ya tomorrow, love"  there was no tomorrow,  she had a heart attack that afternoon while down town ... I got a call from my niece telling me ... I rushed to the hospital only to be told she had just passed away ... me and my sisters and my sons would never get the chance to tell her how much we loved her .. never hold her hand .. not even good bye ... what I would have given for just one more day ... a few months before she had wanted to talk to me about things when she went ... like you I changed the subject ... after I've always regretted not knowing what she had wanted to tell me ... I still live with that regret 28 years after ...

You have that chance, to do all those things I couldn't with my wonderful mum ... take every day as a gift .. hold her , tell her you love her (which you probably always do to) if you can find the strength to walk this last journey walking right by her side ... hand in hand together ...

I'm on my cancer journey now too .. I've planned all my funeral, wrote my letters to loved ones and put them in a memorie box... my family have let me talk and organise things I needed too .. once I did that I could sit back and focus on me ... it helped me by doing and saying things in our hearts we have left nothing unsaid... 

My thoughts are with you and your mum ... hold on tight hun ... you will be glad you did ... and remember every good memory you have with your mum will live in your heart forever ... big hug chrisie xx

Hi Lauren,

I see that this is your first post to the forum, so a very warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

I am so sorry to hear about your mum’s cancer, but glad to hear that she is in a hospice and that you are happy with her care. I lost my mum to breast cancer 20 years ago. She battled for 12 years. In her final year she was diagnosed with metastases in her brain, bones, liver and lungs. She was in a hospice for her last few days, but unfortunately, it wasn’t a good experience.

Watching her deteriorate so quickly was both harrowing and heart-breaking and I still miss her every day, although I’m glad that she is no longer in pain and suffering. Like Chris, I too have had 2 bouts of breast cancer in the past 7 years, so have seen it from both angles.

The days that your mum has left are precious. Instead of dwelling on the eventual outcome, try to concentrate on making memories with your mum. Make sure that she is as comfortable as she can be and, that she is getting the right amount of medication to control her pain. Is there anyone in particular that she might want to see? If so, perhaps you could arrange this? Make sure that you let her know how much loved she is. Just be there for her. You will both find it easier to put a positive slant on things this way. Don’t worry about the bigger picture. This is too much to cope with. Instead just take things day by day.

We all tend to think that we cannot cope with all that is happening, but you can. Somehow or other we all seem to get the strength to carry on. This is the time for you to be strong and brave and you will need that extra strength. Do you have other family and friends to support you? Please stay in touch and let us know how things go. We are always here for you whenever you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Lauren, my name is also Lauren I’m 25 and my mum is also battling terminal cancer. I have my really down days but what gets me through the most is knowing that i cant change the cancer no matter what i do so why live the rest of her days being sad and being down. Its easier said than done but we must treasure every single moment we have left. If you think you may regret anything act on it now while u still can. Those conversations will be so hard but our mums need us to be strong. If you need a chat id love to talk to you as i often feel the same. X

Just wanted to say how amazing you are ... your mum must be so proud of you ... so Big hug to both Lauren's... I hope you can both stay in touch... it's always good to have someone to help you through ..

Sending caring hugs to you both xx.

Hi Lauren,

None of us deserve this, but bad things often happen to good people even innocent children and babies. Life just isn't fair at times.

Chriss is right, losing a parent is one of the worst experiences you can ever go through. You feel like you cannot cope with the grief and the anticipation of that grief can lead to us not enjoying the time we have left with our loved ones. 

The only advice I can give is to make sure you say everything you need to say to your Mum and then take things one hour or one day at a time. Cry when you need to and be brave for your Mum when you need to. Make her smile if you can. If you think too far ahead you will make yourself ill.

This will be hard, but somehow you will get through it. 

Best wishes
Dave

Thank you that means a lot. Sending love to you too xx