Hello, I hope it's ok to give a brief of my experience. I'm 56 yrs young. Very very happily married for 30 years and have 4 adult children, 2 still living at home. We are very connected and enjoy beautiful relationships. ( now the teenage phase has passed).
i felt healthy until August 2017 when I was assessed for a bowel blockage. I was told I have stage 4 cancer. In my liver, kidneys. The worst is the large growth around and part in my stomach, bowel and surrounding areas. I have 2 types of cancer which I'm told is rare. It is incurable. The plan was to have chemo but I took ill with sepsis. And returned to hospital for 2 weeks. I came home 4 weeks ago. They couldn't find the source of the sepsis, just like they don't know the primary cancer. So I'm on Immunotherapy chemo tablets in the hope that this will target any sepsis. My nature is to get on with things and push forward but my fears and constant pain is depressing me. I also have MS diagnosed 7 years ago and until now I was only mildly affected. I'm physically weak, have lost over 3 St. Major problem with bowel overflow. Have little to know appetite, even tho there are 2 excellent chefs at home. I sleep and perspire all day, temp never below 38. I feel like I want to shut myself in my loving home away from the world. Even from extended close family and friends whom I have a deep sincere bond with. I'm so scared. I can't take in much information. My heart is breaking knowing that I will leave my precious family, although we have only touched on this. I hate myself for feeling bitter about Christmas although my husband and son have decorated our home so beautifully ( usually my job). Im sorry to sound so negative as I have until now had a great, no, exceptional life of love, emotional security lots of laughter. Close family and true friends. I'm scared the cancer will infect my brain, I'm scared that I will hurt my family and I won't be able to comfort them. I'm best at home because this is where my heart is and my family are on point with my care. But my experience of caring for my dad and aunt now returns to haunt me. I don't know if I've got weeks or months, will I suddenly get organ failure. Will I know. Sorry I've rambled on. It's even hard completing this as I'm doing it vocally and it's taken ages to correct. I was an English Lit teacher can you believe. Thanks for allowing me to get it off my anxious chest.
