Sorry to hear about your dad sweet x my dad was diagnosed 13 days ago (my 40th) birthday with terminal Liver cancer. Totally didn't see that one coming! We only went for a follow up for an unrelated illness. It's still early days for both of us, I know 100% where you are coming from. It's torture waiting for test results and a treatment plans - I'm sure like me you just want to get things going. It's very corny but you just have to focus on now and worry about this week, neither of us can change what's going to happen (god I wish we could), I guess I'm just trying to keep things as normal as possible, so take baby steps and get over today, tomorrow do the same. You don't know what's going to happen in a month or three or next year so please don't torture yourself sweet x make sure you talk to someone, anyone! there are lots of people out there if you ask help x try asking the surgeon if there is a specialist nurse so you have a point of contact- they aren't just there for your dad, but his family too x I wish you all luck in world x

Ps my dad survived bowl cancer 25 years ago x

Hello Kimmy, So sorry to hear about your Dad too. Such a shock. On your birthday too. Thank  you for replying so quickly. I didn't see this diagnosis coming either. I think he must have had symptoms for a while but didn't tell anyone. He has never been in hospital in his life- was even born at home. He's certainly making up for that now. He's always been tall and strong and very active. He suddenly became frail. I think we are still all in shock and disbelief. Thank you for the advice re taking things one step at a time and keeping things as normal as possible. I will try.  I am rushing ahead in my mind and imagining all sorts! It's difficult for me too as I live 3 hours drive away and work full time. Will need to keep planning carefully around work and when I am most needed. Not going to be easy. Please keep in touch and let me know how your Dad is doing. xxxxx

So how's the weekend going? Have things moved forward any? 

I think when my dad had bowel cancer the hardest thing to watch was the weight loss and vulnerability, no one should have to see their dad like that.  In some ways it's easier for me that way as I'm only 20 minutes away and see my parents every couple of days, you don't seem to notice the decline so much. I was shocked on Friday though when we went to the liver centre and he'd lost 4kg in a week The weight hadn't been coming off as quick as it did with the bowel ca until then.  I just want to scream at them "HURRY UP! do something!" (I bet your nodding frantically cause it's the same for you lol) in the scheme of things a week or two won't make any difference for our dads and it important to get the full facts for a proper treatment plan, but good god speed up!!

Hello. I'm so sorry to hear your dad's diagnosis. I felt that I needed to reply to your post to let you know that you are not alone. My dad has also been diagnosed with bowel cancer. Being given the news was absolutely the worst experience I have ever had - like a knife in my heart -  especially since my parents kept it from me for a few days because they didn't want to distract me when I was busy with work. The diagnosis came as a complete shock to all of us as my dad had no symptoms, other than losing some weight which he put down to moving house.

The best piece of advice I have been given came from one of my good friends, whose father also had cancer: "Don't give up. Be positive. Be strong." 

From that moment on, I have been thinking positive thoughts only.

My dad was diagnosed in February this year. By March he had undergone an operation to remove a section of his bowel that contained the tumour. He is now just finishing a course of chemotherapy and had a CT scan on Tuesday. We have to wait a couple of weeks before we get the results.

Initially, I felt completely lost and useless. I didn't know what to do with myself so I started participating in fundraising activities to raise money for Cancer Research UK. It makes me feel like I am actively doing something. Believe me, it has been very tough for my brother and myself but especially for my mum. However, apart from the day when I was told, I have not cried in front of my dad. I have to be strong for him and my mum.

It's completely natural to feel scared and think the worst, but in front of your dad you must try not to let those feelings show. Be positive - keep your dad's spirits up. Half the battle is remaining positive and putting up a good fight. Never give up. Trust me, a positive outlook has an amazing effect. There have also been amazing advances in treatment. Once the doctors know exactly what treatment your dad needs, they will spring into action. Your dad will need your support. Be his rock. The rest of your family will also need you. You must be strong for them. So, take a little time for yourself and have a cry, then say to yourself "Cancer is not going to win" and be there for your dad and your family. Don't forget to look after yourself too!

Our parents were there for us while we were growing up. Now it's our turn to be there for them. Remember: Only positive, positive, positive

My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope the test results are good. Please do let me know how your dad is doing xx

Hello Ninsy. Thank you so much for your reply. You are so much further through this journey so your advice is really helpful. I am trying now to square my shoulders and start to be more positive. I'm sure we are facing all that happened to your Dad plus the added complication of the lung shadow- but I know the last thing my Dad needs is to see me upset and feeling hopeless. One thing that is also bothering me- did your Dad need a stoma after his bowel surgery? I will keep you posted about my Dad. He has various tests over the next 3 days. As you say I'm sure they will spring into action after that. The waiting is hard. Good luck with your Dads scan results. I think fund raising will be the route I take soon once I have an understanding of the way forward for my Dad. Thanks again.xxx

Hello again Kimmy. Weekend going OK- just trying to do normal things and keep going. Ive  a yoga class this afternoon and other things planned to keep busy. No further forward- but all the tests happening over the next 3 days so I imagine things will start happening after that. 4kgs weight loss in a week sounds a lot for your Dad. Must be very noticeable now and yes I am nodding with you that I wish they would hurry up! Please see Ninsys helpful response below. I'm sure she is right that they will all spring into action as soon as they'd have all the information they need. Keeping positive is hard but I am going to try! Let me know if there is any news about your Dad this week.

On a completely different note- who is the little cutie in your profile pic?!

xxxx

Hello. Thank you for your good wishes. We are all keeping our fingers crossed that my dad's results are clear. He will still be under the care of the oncologist for the next 5 years.

Luckily, my dad did not need a stoma after his surgery. He had an excellent surgeon and was able to have keyhole surgery - I think due to the position and size of the tumour. There was another patient in hospital when my dad was there who was in for surgery to have a stoma reversal. He was making a good recovery. It is of course something that you will worry about, but it can be reversed once it is no longer needed.

Of course the lung shadow is a concern, but as I said once the doctors know exactly what they are dealing with they will put a treatment plan in place and act immediately. I was very surprised at how fast my dad went from diagnosis to surgery, so try not to worry too much.

Waiting is definitely the worst, but remember the tests are important. Try not to think the worst until the results have been confirmed. Even if the results are not what you hoped for, bowel cancer patients have a good survival rate. There is a helpful page on the Cancer Research UK website which you may like to read to get more information:- www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../statistics-and-outlook-for-bowel-cancer

I am keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you. Definitely get stuck into the fundraising. It really helps me to feel like I am doing something positive because sometimes I still feel so helpless. I have also been staying over with my parents at every opportunity I get. They live only about 30 minutes drive away but my job keeps me so busy most of the time that I don't have enough time to see them regularly. As a result, I have decided to combine work with some fundraising and I am organising a coffee morning in support of Cancer Research UK in December at our office.

Keep your chin up. Remember you are not alone xxx

Hi Iclark,

i am pleased your sounding a little more positive x regarding the stoma I come across these in my work, it is something that is easy to care for and are not always permanent. The nurses can show your dad how to care for it should he need one. But I think your jumping ahead of yourself a bit there though and looking at the whole picture I'm sure you would cope if it means your dad feels well x my dad didn't have one after his bowel cancer x

we were at the specialist centre on Friday all scans and tests have to go through the MDT meeting, so fingers crossed we hear this week. He can only have treatment if he is well enough - I'm desperate for them to go ahead even though it's not going to change the outcome for us, doing something is better than nothing.

I agree with Ninsy 100% we've all got to stay positive and help the best we can. Make sure you get the support you need from friends x

in the pic is Milly-moo my daughters beloved hamster ️

Hello, 

I saw this post on here and couldn't ignore it. 

Sorry to hear about your Dads diagnosis. I can sympathise with exactly how you're feeling currently. It is truly awful. 

I'm 27, my dad was diagnosed April last year (18 months ago) with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver. A year before his diagnosis he was poorly and had some of the symptoms, he went to the doctors immediately. They put it down to medication he was on at the time. The symptoms were still ongoing so they decided to carry out tests for different things and also a CT scan. Little did we know there was part of the CT SCAN that was unclear which they put down to being gas and didn't bother to re-do it. This was actually the cancer. About 6 months later he was then called into hospital after having more tests and scans to be given the devastating news that not only did he have cancer but it had already spread and was 'incurable' his only option was palliative chemotherapy which isn't designed to cure him , only help control the cancer so it doesn't progress. As a family we was prepared that at worst it might have been cancer but never did we think it would have spread to other areas. I will never ever forget the day I was told it will stay with me forever. I was with my older sister at the time and she said she'll never forget the look on my face, it haunts her. The past 18 months is an ongoing struggle but time has helped ease us into this situation and it has gotten more bearable as times gone on. My dad almost died when his bowel had obstructed in July last year, almost killing him. We was told at the time he may die whilst having emergency surgery. I've never been so frightened. Then February this year he suffered from a blood clot in his arm which travelled up leading to him having a stroke. Luckily he pulled through and the only side effect is a slightly numb arm. 

The best thing throughout all this is his determination and refuses to give up without a fight. I think it helps him massively that we are all upbeat around him. We rarely discuss the cancer around him and talk to him as if he's a normal healthy person. We aren't in denial we certainly don't give him false hope because we all know what's going to happen eventually but we rather deal with things as and when they come. Until then he's doing fine and that's what we focus on. We've taken pictures and have been creating memories. I think things take time, you need to let it all sink in. If you wanna scream or cry then do so. 

The worst part is the waiting around. Once you know the info and have treatment plans in place etc then I think it will be that little bit easier for everyone.

My dad's only just recently lost his hair and now his facial and body hair has started thinning too. It's a struggle at times but you'll find this incredible strength inside you that you never even knew you had. The sheer love you have for your father will help you. 

You aren't alone. But try not to fear the worst. My dad's still going strong and I'm hopeful he will still be going strong for a good while yet. X 

Milly-moo is really cute! My Dad had his repeat colonoscopy yesterday. The surgeon has said that the tumour is quite low down- so he may not need surgery- just radiotherapy. No definite decision yet though. Don't quite understand this. I've read that if it's in the rectum they can use radiotherapy to shrink it- but then still operate. Will just have to wait. I wish I could have been there as I have so many questions- but have to work. Today he had the lung biopsy. My Mum says hes tired and looks pale- but it wasn't as bad as he expected. They have now said his lung looks clear on the x-ray. It's all so confusing. MR scan tomorrow. Any news yet re your Dad? Has the MDT meeting happened yet? xxx