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Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

9 Nov 2016 18:28

Hello everybody on this windy, cold and rainy night.

I haven't posted for a while, as you may know, but I have been keeping an eye on you all through this forum to make sure you don't get up to any mischief without me (especially you Brian)  and keeping up to date with all your news.

For a while now, I've had a niggly cough and went for an X-ray yesterday morning.  Yesterday evening my GP phoned me to make an appointment for today where she told me that I have a lesion on my left lung which has grown from March.  I was told I was clear in March so where that information has come from, I don't know.  So now I'm waiting for an appointment to go back to the hospital with the "threat" of surgery, chemo- and/or radiotherapy into the bargain.  What a glutton for punishment I am.  I am upset and angry in equal mesaures - angry because it must have been there in March for them to be able to compare the size now but they told me I was clear!  Feel a bit dejected as you can imagine so I'm feeding my face with goodies, baddies and anything else really that will fit in there!

Take care all of you.

BB x. 

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

9 Nov 2016 18:47 in response to Battling Babe

Sorry to hear it is back. My husband had the same in September when we found his renal cell cancer has metastised in his stomach and original tissue behind the missing kidney (operated on July 2015). He was clear on his last scan in Feb but the Aug scan showed new grown. We both know how you must be feeling- it is agonising when you think you have beaten it. My husband is on pazopanib an immuno therapy drug but it still has a lot of side effects like chemo.

Hopefully they have caught it early and they can give you something to cure it. We have had a horrible day today but the last four days had been much better.

Best wishes to you.

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

9 Nov 2016 19:34 in response to Battling Babe

Hi BB,

Welcome back - here we go again Sad 

Why the chuff would they tell you that you were clear in March is beyond me! Unless it wasn't obvious except with hindsight. My Oncologist was brutally honest when he told me a couple of my secondaries had vanished - he just said that they were probably still there waiting to grow again just too small to be obvious on a CT scan. I'm not sure which approach is worst.

Cheers

Dave

 

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

10 Nov 2016 07:55 in response to Chrissie05

Hello Chrissie05

Thank you for your good wishes.  I'm sorry to read about your husband and what he (and you) is going through.  The side effects are awful, aren't they?  I don't know what they intend to do with me at the moment (perhaps put me in a cupboard and lock the door) but this time last year I was undergoing radiotherapy (five days a week for five weeks) and remembering how weak and achy I felt but thinking it was all worth it.  Makes you wonder, doesn't it?  Sorry, a bit down this morning as I see you both were yesterday.  But we will get through this: this b****r will NOT run or ruin or lives. 

Sending my best wishes to you and your husband.

BB x

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

10 Nov 2016 08:10 in response to davek

Hello Dave

Thank you for replying.  Yes, as you say, here we go again.

Apparently something was there in March but for some reason they chose to ignore it (perhaps hoping it would go away?).  Your oncologist seems to have gone to the other extreme in explaining things to you.  As you say, neither approach is ideal : do you live part of your life in "happy land" not realising that something is wrong until you get symptoms that won't go away, or know that something most probably will come back eventually?  Surely there must be a happy medium somewhere?  Not that I would wish this on my worst enemy, but I do sometimes wish that cancer would somehow touch these oncologists' lives in some way so that they know exactly what we're going through and how we feel about it.  I'm sure it would bring them up with a jolt and, hopefully, change their attitude towards us.  After all, we didn't ask to get this.  Sorry, let me just get down from my soap box.

How are you Dave?  Getting prepared for Christmas?  I was due to go away on holiday at the end of December but with all this, I don't know what will happen, so I'll just have to wait and see.

Look after yourself.

BB x

 

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

10 Nov 2016 11:40 in response to Battling Babe

So sorry to hear that and can fully, appreciate your feelings at this moment in time, as I am in a similar situation, I am more confused and disappointed. Have been on chemo tabs for just on a year for secondary breast cancer. PET scans shows liver and previous lesions highlighted on spine still under control, which is great, but, 3 new lesions have appeared at top of spine and lesion at bottom of spine highlighted as active again, why is that? At the moment I am on nothing at all and have been for four weeks which is scary. Go back next Tuesday to find out what next??????. Trying to keep positive and laughing as much and as often as I can at the silliest of things helps me along. I sincerely hope that it is not as bad as you fear. Keep smiling through as tough as it may be. Will keep everything crossed for you, sincerely Dawn xx

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

10 Nov 2016 13:21 in response to Battling Babe

Hi again,

I do try to live in Happy Land as often as I can, but both my primary and one of my secondaries have stubbornly kept showing up on my three monthly scans just to remind me to keep my feet on the ground.

I'm in that limbo of the waiting period now between my routine CT scan which I had earlier this week and getting the report back next Wednesday. Hopefully the cancer will still be dormant, once I get the results I can start to plan things for the New Year. The only thing planned so far is to see Alabama 3 in Manchester on the 19th, whether I'm back on chemo or not. 

We're planning a quiet Christmas with family again this year. If my scan results are good, we hope to spend a long weekend in Prague before Christmas. I also fancy ticking off a couple of bucket list items in January by scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef and maybe driving down the East Coast of Australia for a week before coming home. Nothing booked yet, but I may as well get my money's worth from my travel insurance which I bought for 12 months as it was only 50% more for a year than for a fortnight and I've already had four week's use of it. Fingers crossed that the scan is OK.

You're right. However much they try to empathise, unless a health professional has been through this experience as a patient they haven't really got a clue what we go through. I thought I understood it more than most as my Mum and Grandad both died of cancer, but it just isn't the same is it?

On that happy note ...

Cheers
Dave 

 

 

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

10 Nov 2016 16:22 in response to davek

 hi dave...good luck and sincere best wishes davek, for your ct results next wed, i really hope you are ok again and nothing started up again,  i am following you, because you are one of the first people i read about when i joined cus of my dad,  its a strange thing,  but i can feel myself rooting for you and hopeing all is ok,  please let us know if you can once you know..  i read all the links you posted for me on my dads glioblastoma multiform brain tumour,  it really helped,  and find your advice very level headed,  i hope you get to do all those things you mentioned,and can also eventually look forward to christmas and newyear,  my dads still doing well which i am very pleased about, still doing the chemo pills with little bits sickness, but all in all ok,  i still cant get my head around they say he has 2 years,  but the january mri will be a big one, fingers crossed ..stay well dave, do all you can....cococat/rach

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

10 Nov 2016 16:47 in response to Battling Babe

hi battlingbabe, im sorry its , here we go again for you, and sincerely wish you the best, i guess a lot of people on here and there loved ones carers, wives, husbands, all live with the shadow cloud over head, incase all rears its ugly head again...its a strange   kind of life,   but i truely think even though many would not have this,  it really makes you open your eyes to life and the world around us, and happy little things,  which makes us all more the wiser,   than well people  rushing around, and rushing there life away..i think cancer applies the brakes to all involved..and we are stronger for that..just wanted to say hi, my husband survived testicle cancer that had spread,  and we worry about lukaemia later in life as he was on very strong platinum bep chemo bags weeks at a time, and my dad has been told 2 years maax with glioblastoma brain tumour, which floored me, the 2 most important men in my life..i hope you find the strength to get through this next brush with cancer, and survive,  to see this wonderfull world we live in, and have many many more wonderfull holidays.  i also find filling my face with mince pies helps at moment heeeeeee   comfort eating,  a womans enemy..!...cococat

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

11 Nov 2016 10:03 in response to Prawn

Hello Dawn

Thank you for your message and I'm so sorry to read of your news.  It is devastating when you think that things are, at last, sorted, at least for a time, then without even a decent break, the b*****d comes back with avengeance.  I have a friend who calls it "the enemy within" and it is, isn't it?  We can't fight it on our own and we need help and this waiting about for it is one of the worse parts.  I stlll haven't heard from the hospital about an appointment and hope that writing this I'll be proved wrong and I'll hear something soon.

Like you, I'm trying to find things to do so that "it" isn't the main thing on my mind.  I find eating very therapeutic; it gives me something to do, well my mouth anyway.  It's my birthday on Monday so I think I may buy myself a birthday cake, just for me!

I know exactly how you must be feeling about next Tuesday.  I do hope that you have somebody to go with you for support.

I'll be thinking of you next Tuesday and keeping everything crossed for some positive news for you.

Please do let me know how you get on.

Carol x 

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

11 Nov 2016 10:22 in response to davek

Hello Dave

Thank you for your message.  Yes, it is the waiting for results of tests (and an appointment in the first place) that is one of the worse things.  I do hope the results are what you hope and expect.  Fingers crossed.

It'll be nice if you can get to Prague for a long weekend before Christmas, and scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef and driving down the east coast of Australia!  What a cheek!  You do realise that when you return you'll be able to talk about nothing else.  A friend of mine did the same as you hope to do a few years ago, and he can still talk for England on the subject.  I really do hope that the results of your scan show that you can go ahead and book that fantastic Australian holiday.

Let us know how you get on, won't you?

Everything crossed for you.

Carol x

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

11 Nov 2016 10:44 in response to cocats

Hello cococat

Thank you for your message and good wishes.  Yes, having cancer or it touching your life does somehow make you look a the world in a different way.  I used to think that "Serenity" poem was a load of old eyewash but now, I can associate with it.  Oh, I do hope that doesn't sound pompous and pretentious.  I didn't mean it too.  Best go and have something to eat (hee hee)!

I am so sorry to read about your dad.  It must be awful for all of you.

Good news about your husband but, as you say, there is always that worry there about what may happen later in life.  It is always on your mind and does wear you down but I think this is one of the things that make us stronger as we still get on with daily life despite this unwanted visitor hanging around in the background.

One thing I feel I need to correct you on cococat while you're filling your face with mince pies.  Comfort eating is a woman's prerogative, not a woman's enemy, and if she puts on a few (hundred) pounds in the process, then woe betide anyone who mentions it (hee hee)!

My best wishes to you.

Carol.

 

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

11 Nov 2016 11:44 in response to Battling Babe

Hi Carol, thank you for your kind message of support. I hope you hear from the hospital re appointment very soon. I am lucky enough (if that's the right thing to say?) to be under the Royal Marsden Hospital at Sutton, Surrey. I was first diagnosed in 2008 after going to my GP two years on the trot complaining of pains in my left breast and sent away with the reason being hormonal and to take more evening Primrose oil. I put my cancer down to my own fault and vanity as I was on Prempak C HRT tablets for 13 years, without ever having a check up. Repeat prescription just provided month after month, then one time it suddenly became unavailable and I saw that as a sign not to take it anymore and stopped there and then. I was diagnosed 7 years later with tumour in left breast exactly where the pain had been. Even then it was only found by chance. Regular mammogram showed changes in cells, but no tumour, had ultrasound scan which found tumour behind left nipple. The rest is history as they say. What saddens me the most is that during these 8 years I have lost several friends who were so supportive to me, through various different types of cancer and still it goes on. A dear friend survived cervical cancer with hysterectomy and tubes removed only to be told recently that she had bowel cancer. She has been operated on and hopefully they caught it early enough. I was on a hormone tablet which kept it under control for five years and stupidly I got it in to my head that it would work forever. I was devastated when they told me it was no longer working and had spread to my spine and liver. Went through six months of chemo, hair loss etc. As soon as first clump fell out went straight to hairdresser and had head shaved, no regrets there. Have been on other treatments which only work for months, latest for 12 months. Which is brilliant, so next move awaited. Try not to eat too much, as weight gain not good either. I am now borderline diabetic!!! Please let me know when you hear from hospital thinking of you Dawn xx

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

12 Nov 2016 09:17 in response to Prawn

Hello Dawn

Thank you for your message.  You've certainly been, and still are going, through it.  It seems never-ending doesn't it?  One of my friends is under the Royal Marsden Hospital and he has nothing but praise for the staff and the treatment he gets there.  I hope it's the same for you.

You say you blame yourself for your condition as you were on Prempak C HRT tablets for 13 years without a check up.  Dawn, it is not your fault.  You didn't keep writing up repeat prescriptions for yourself, did you?  The onus for check-ups should be with the GP and if they don't follow anything up, you do tend to think that everything is all right.  Silly, eh?  We all know differently now.

Thank you for your concern about my eating these past few days.  I've stopped bingeing and am back to normal eating but, as you know only too well, you just can't stop thinking about it and I get myself so worked up and angry that every so often I just blurt out an obsenity which startles me for a second but somehow eases a bit of the tension I'm feeling.  There's no-one here so I can let rip (so to speak) to my heart's content.

I've not heard from the hospital yet and if the postman doesn't bring anything today, the air is going to be blue over the weekend!

Please take care and sending you kind thoughts.

Carol x

Hello, I'm back and so is "IT"

14 Nov 2016 22:19 in response to Prawn

Hello Dawn

I'm just writing to wish you all the best tomorrow.  I know you won't have a good sleep and just want tomorrow to be over with.  I'll keep everything crossed for you.

Take care.

Love Carol x