Hi. I was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus last November. Completely out of the blue. I had four sessions of FLOT chemo and had lots of complications each time. Followed by removal of the oesophagus which was really tough. I can only eat small amounts now and have to eat little and often. Eating is more of a chore than anything else and so have lost one of life’s great pleasures. 

I was just about getting over the operation- perhaps feeling 50% of my usual self and have had to start the FLOT again. I have had the first session 6 days ago and no complications so far. Unfortunately the pathologist found that cells had spread outside of the oesophagus so I have to have further radiotherapy and Chemo when I have finished the current four cycles. It seems never ending and I no longer feel positive about the outcome. There is also possibly a growth on my lung but they weren’t 100% sure so have to check after this course of chemo with another scan. The waiting is hard isn’t it. So is the not knowing, and the not knowing if there a good outcome. 

Yesterday I think I passed a personal milestone though. I decided to put my whole mind and body in a space where the disease has cleared up  that I am just going through the motions to get to that point. I felt better immediately. Of course it may not clear up, but if I can maintain that feeling, that mood for as long as possible then I can live more happily in my positive space.  When it dips I bring myself back to it. So far it is working for me and I feel much better. 

Love to all the people going through similar things or who are close to people who are.

Together it’s easier. 

Paul