Together we will beat cancer


He feels like he's not good enough to be loved

11 Mar 2018 09:21

My boyfriend was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2014 and was on his final year of radio therapy treatment when we started dating in 2016,he was so happy that he is completing his treatment and that everything is going back to normal,we were happy and had so many plans.Towards the end of 2016 he started having really bad headaches and discovered when he went to see the doctor that the tumor had been growing and he is going to need surgery.He then ended the relationship saying he wants to protect me coz he doesnt think he will live,it was so hurtful,he didnt take the news well he was even crying and i didnt know what to do either. However,as much as he had been pushing me away i kept contact and have been there for him since then thought it hasnt been easy.He was supposed to have had his surgery already but hasnt gone throught it because the doctors said he is not yet ready,also,the doctors said they can only remove a portion of it and he got wven more devastated by the fact that this will always be a part of him.We love each other so much but cant be together because he thinks he has no much time left,he tells me his is a cripple he is not like other man anymore simply because the brain tumor,he says he is not capable and worthy of being loved,he is damaged goods,he doesnt meet the requirements of a boyfriend and nothing is wron with him...i dont know how to help him not to feel like this,i really love him and this hurts so much,seeing him like this is destroying me and i think of a solutions to this all the time but cant seem to be winning,i was hoping the surgery would help but it still hasnt happened yet,he has given up and i dont know what to do,life is unbearable right now,i always wonder,why did all of this have to happen....i need help,i feel so lost and i feel alone,i feel like no one understands how this feels and how difficult this is,i cant even talk to my own close friends because they dont understand

Re: He feels like he's not good enough to be loved

11 Mar 2018 12:21 in response to Blackpearl

Hello blackpearl.  I am so pleased you have found your way here to pour out all the awful things that are happening.  Sadly this is not the first instance of what you have described; I have only been posting here for three months but have read stories of other partners pushing away the people who love them.   It appears - from my limited experience - it may happen with a person who has been used to being in a strong caring role.  It is heartbreaking to think that they may feel they have somehow failed in their  role by becoming seriously ill.    I am attaching a section on emotions from this website.

Well done you for hanging on in there.  Two things that might help you: would you like to speak to someone else who has been going through this experience?  Quite recently June08 posted about her husband's unpleasantness; you might like to read the correspondence and perhaps contact her yourself.

Also MacMillan Cancer Support will give support and advice to anyone affected by cancer (Freefone 0808 808 0000) if you give them a ring.

An please do keep posting here to let us know how you are getting on.  Best wishes.  Annie

Re: He feels like he's not good enough to be loved

14 Mar 2018 14:25 in response to Annieliz

Thank you so much,i will follow her correspondence,it would be great to talk to a person who has had the same experience and who knows the pain that comes with this