hello, Please never feel guilty. I have friends who had survived the cancer battle and they tell me that they feel bad that my son died and they have survived. ( he was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer and full liver mets at the end of april last year. He died on 19th Jan (6 weeks and 7 hours ago) 10 days after his 35th birthday). Although my heart is broken beyond repair I am filled with joy for them that are survivors and tell them that everyone has their own path to follow in this fight and whatever the end result is sad or joyous those of you who who are survivors must live the rest of your lives to the full. I am probably rambling on, my head and thoughts do not seem to coordinate so well at the moment, but I am do sincere about this. I know I stand on the other side of the fence as someone who loves their son more than words can say, and not someone suffering this vile disease so I don't know the emotions and thoughts that go with that. I said to my son that if myself or my husband could change places with him we would in a heartbeat and he said that he could not bear the thought that we should suffer all that he was going through and that broke me as he had the best of his life to live and although I am only 64 I would have changed places with him. Everyone has to come to a place in their mind where rationale meets emotion on an even scale and lives every day to the best that they can. Wishing you the best of times in your future life. leslie