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Grieving for my mum at christmas

Emella
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So lately I've been really struggling with the loss of my mum, though she passed away over 5 years ago now just before I turned 15. Things always get so hard around Christmas as it was her favourite time of year, I still love Christmas but it's so difficult even hearing certain songs or planning things I wish she was still here for. It's also her birthday in a few weeks.

I'm living away at uni and its quite hard talking to my friends about it because they think by avoiding anything Christmas related all together that everything will be fine and I know they're only trying to help but it makes things even harder as it's just masking everything I'm going to feel anyway. It's difficult for them to understand.

I don't really have a close relationship with anyone in my family either so it's very lonely. 

I feel like I just needed somewhere to write about it & see if anyone feels the same & if there's anthing you do around this time or certain times of year to make things easier. X

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    Hi there hunny ..

    Bless ya .. I lost my mum 29 years ago tomoz ... and those memories never leave ... the hardest was the first xmas ... she'd spent every xmas day at mine ... and I remember like yesterday .. seeing everyone so exited about Xmas.  ... when I just wanted it to be cancelled that year .. I was 36 ... and my two boys were her world ... but I did it for them, in honour of what my mum would tell me to do ... remember her with fun and laugh at those funny times we all shared .. but make it good for my boys ... but every xmas lunch time we give a toast and a smile raised up to her ... 

    Being at school  college is so hard .. they probly don't know what to do or say ... when really nothing stops us missing them .... when a hug would say so much ... our mum's may not be round the table, with us ... but she's right there in your heart ... where she's kept safe forever .. and remember .. you are her .. she made you ... so she's right there ... I've felt my mum close so many times over the years ... I believe but we just can't see them .. 

    So any time you want a chat... or write about feelings... this is a great place to be ... young or old... there's always someone here who knows those feelings ... and sometimes just writting them down, is comforting... so a big hug, from this heart to yours ...  Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Hiya Chrissie,

     

    Thanks so much for replying & sharing your story, you're so strong for getting through it all for your boys. 

    That means a lot, I think I forget things like that & I feel so far from her especially this time of year. But I try and celebrate for her like she would want. 

    I only found this site yesterday but it's oddly comforting reading other stories & knowing there's people out there to listen. 

    Lots of love and hugs right back to you

    Emily x

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