Hi, 

i don’t think any behaviour is normal or abnormal in your circumstances. I lost my Mum when I was 31, I kept the urn of ashes in my bedroom for months and would take it out and hold it and talk to it each night.

Try not to push your partner away though, he/she wil hopefullly want to help you grieve  and to be to there to help you. 

Numbness is perfectly normal, as is a complete change of feelings, Iwas also a person who,was mainly angry. I went to feeling empty and lost. 

It will ease with time.

Hi,

   I am sorry for your loss. My Grandmother also had stomach and liver cancer hers had spread from her bile duct. I also posted a similar post yesterday looking to see if anyone else had felt similar. My Grandma died 6 weeks after her diagnosis. She passed away in July, me and my mother cared for her at home.

  I also feel detatched a lot of time from the world. I know exactly what you mean about being lost in your own mind. I think when someone has been such a huge part of your life the void left without them can make you feel incredibly lonely. I have often said to my husband that he just doesnt understand. I think when someone has been taken in such a quick way by this disease it can be hard not to concentrate on the last time you seen them or your last few hours with them. I'm trying to replace her ill memories with all the ones I shared with her throughout my life. I keep telling myself she wouldnt want me sitting unhappy and sad because of what she went through at the end as another member said to me - that was a very short amount of time in her life. Dont punish yourself for grieving everyone is different and its important to experience these feelings before you start to feel better. I was numb when my gandma died i had ran on pure adreneline taking care of her and then suddenly it felt like she had disappeared into thin air I couldnt understand it. As time has went on I can feel her near me again and sometimes when good things happen i look up and think yeah that was you wasnt it. Everyone has bad days allow them, but remember there are blessings in everyday and try to let people be near you. I still get angry at people for no reason or want to be alone but sometimes a good hug can do you the world of good.

  It sounds like you brought a lot of joy into your nannys life and im sure she is watching over you now. Things will get better I promise she died very recently try to give yourself a break and take care of yourself   

We all grieve differently I lost my mum in August 2018 to the filthy rotten cancer my mum was diagnosed in February and was gone in August I'm sorry for your loss.

Firstly, thank you for your reply.

Do you get to be yourself again or does it change who you are ? Inside, I don’t have a desire to be myself and it’s as if I am drifting away from whom I once was to someone different. 

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Has your pain somewhat mellowed ? 

Reading your message comforted me to know that others are behaving and feel the same way I currently am feeling.

I am so sorry for your loss. I admire people who are positive and fight hard to get there. X 

You will be yourself again, but a slightly different self. Everything we experience changes us As we go through life. But take comfort in that most of the changes are for the better.

sorry it’s taken me a few days to answer you, been a little rough.

I lost my mum when I was 15, I was numb for a few months. Distant from others and feeling like i was in my own bubble of sadness and grief. The feeling of anger and strength will come back, it will feel strong and hard to controll but it will feel good. You will think about her and still feel the pain forver but it will become less frequent and you will discover strength in your loss. This first bubble of grief is lonely and wierd but it is important, sit in it, allow it to fill you with emotion, but know that there is another stage coming. You will gain your power again, you are strong because you have to be.