Cancer Research UK main site

Grief

RosieApples
Offline

Hi Everyone, 

I know alot of you will have some helpful answers for me or at least understand where I'm coming from. 

I lost my Dad in Jan from an awful horrible quick cancer which was a terrible shock for me still being in my 20's and him early 60's. 

 The first few weeks after loosing him were so awful and sereal. After 4 weeks I went back to work and eased myself back in slowing. I didn't feel ready but was the most broke I've ever been with only 2 days compassionate leave. It's crazy how bills needing to be paid forces you back to work when your world is crumbling around you. 

I'm now doing quite well I think considering I work in a customer facing busy environment but I almost feel because alot of the time now I'm doing quite well and don't have many breakdown people have pretty much forgotten what I've been through lately I just feel like I should be cut a bit of slack!! Not to not work hard but understand why sometimes I'm overwhelmed.

I also just can't seem to forget or get over the fact my work place didn't even send a card it's making me so angry. Its actually making my want to be signed off with stress to leave them in the lurch (not like me at all) although they were good in Some ways the support hasn't been there after the initial week. 

Some days are just tough and I'm reading lots of very helpful books and I'm just trying to do what I feel capable with and not pressurise myself into attending things I don't want to etc. They people seem to think I'm being dull but strangely enough I don't feel like having a party at the moment. 

Part of me thinks well I must-have to just get on and another part of means think I just can't or I don't want to. Grief is a bizarre thing It must all be natural response and just shows how much I adored my Dad. People just don't get it unless they've been there I suppose. 

Did anyone else feel angry about quite small things and feel like you would have been a better friend if you were not in this situation but they were. I actually don't know if I'm being hard on others and selfish or if actually people could just be a bit more understanding to me during the toughest time of my life. 

Thanks for listening . I'd appreciate others thoughts. 

Rosie xxx

  • Offline

    Thank you for your reply, how crazy that the care free life you once had feels like a lifetime ago and suddenly the last year of my 20s which I thought are meant to be some of the best can flip underside down and make you wonder what the heck life's all about. I'm definatly a different person these days, but for my Dad I'll just keep going because I'm not sure what else there is to do?! 

    I'm sorry you have lost your brother I know how awful my aunties found it watching my Dad (their baby brother) so Ill. Life is so cruel, but I guess it's also beautiful sometimes too so I must try and remember that. 

    xxx

  • Offline

    Sorry to hear of your loss,sending you big hugs.my mums had this ovarian cancer almost 3yrs.oncologist stopped all treatments now,palliative care only.she has maybe days or weeks.I'm 52 with my kids&grandchildren I know next months will be hard.my dads mental healths declining as well.I work in mental health have decided when I need time off I will use holiday time&sick time.bills do still need paying sadly life still goes on.sure dad would be proud of you,Denise.x

  • Offline

    Hi. I understand what you are talking about. It's the most horrible pain imaginable losing a loved one, and it rips our world apart. We aren't even the same people afterwards, and we just want everyone around us to understand that, be patient, be sympathetic and supportive. 

    I'm almost a year along this path, lost my mum May 2018. I am still in a lot of pain, and think about her constantly. I found people to be supportive in the beginning, but after a few weeks there was nothing.

    Unless people have been through it themselves, they just can't apprecitate how awful it is. Once people have been through it, they are the ones most likely to send the cards and the flowers. I can't believe your colleagues didn't give you a card though. That's really rough. I can fully understand why you are so hurt by that!

    I know that I definitely learned who my real friends are when my mum passed. Some of them reached out quickly, while others didn't reach out at all. I was very hurt and angry about it for quite some time. But now I see it as a blessing, because I now know not to invest any more emotional energy into these people.

    Sending kind thoughts your way. All the best.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.