Suppose the best way to start things off is saying "hi". so "Hi" to everyone on here. 
Right. 
Im 40 years old. Spent the last year going through prob the worst time of my life.
i have been through Motorcycle accidents. Been shot at, stabbed (kinda self inflicted.. never show off doing that alien knife trick.. bad idea.), electrocuted (also never hold onto two ends of the same cable and ask a mate to "flick the switch on. lets see if this will work")
Im a bit of a Joker at Heart. always like to make people laugh..  i see the funny side to most things.
My Epic Cancer started last year.. around this time.. fell down some stairs. hurt my leg. first thoughts was its broken. went through A&E etc. they aimed for a thrombosis at first. then in Jan found a "Lump". size of a matchbox.. By start of april i had grown to wrap around my thigh. April 24th it was removed at Stanmore RNOH after i was given a few days to live cause of its aggressive nature. and my red blood cell's plumiting and unable to replace them. 
it was also extremely painful. the NHS pain scale of 1 to 10 doesnt come near the pain i was going through.. i was scoring it in the high 100's. i have had broken bones less painful. 
I went through 30 sessions of experimental radiotherapy at UCLH. Great bunch up there. love the staff to bits.
I ended up with a 1.2kg Pleomorphic Grade 3 Sarcoma removed from my Left Thigh. which also meant i lost the Left thigh muscle on that side. i got to keep my leg though.. i had signed the sheet to say take it.. 
you think its all over. ok so monthly chest X-rays, phisyo forgot about me. 4.5 months down the line they have taken hold and pushed to get me walking without a brace etc. not working.. without my brace my knee collapses.
Anyway..  Been back to Stanmore today.. Had a Chest X-ray. so thats all clear.. Im thinking. "great.  quick appointment and im out of here for 3 months". 
i get on the couch. jeans off and the Doc is looking at my leg. he knows from the letters that i am still in pain.. still way too much pain really. and its been a nightmare. i expected to be pain free, but the stabbing pain in the middle of my thigh. burning pain at times. way more than i expected. but then i didnt really have an expectation of what to expect. (if you get what im saying). 
he starts poking around my scar..  the scar runs from the knee to my hip. 
finds a "lump". at which point i leep off the couch screaming..
Yup that hurts.. a Purple lump around the site of where the other tumor was taken..  almost the size of what the other tumor was when it was first descovered.. 
Can't do a MRi scan.. (i have a ICD in my chest.. another failsafe thing cause of a dicky heart at 35)
UCLH had prebooked a CT scan for Next friday. so he has said he will get the info/data from that and have one of their Multil disaplinary meetings they do on the following friday to see what is what. although not ideal as the CT isnt perfect. 
Told me not to worry but seeing as a secondary growth is possible. he will treat it as such until its proven otherwise. 
at which point the appointment was over and i left..
Queue the floods of tears when i got back to my car.. I dont think i have cried so much in ages. didnt even cry that much when i found out the first time.. 
reguardless of what its doing to me. i know what effect it had on my parents.  My mother didnt eat for 2 weeks and couldnt sleep. and she is a A&E Nurse too. 
I have since told my father about it and the appointment. (i still live with him. he is kinda my carer)
but i dont know how to tell my Mum. 
thing is i dont know how im going to deal with it again. 
tried sleeping tonight and all i kept doing was dreaming about ways to end things. 
and i know thats not good. 
i was just starting to get my life back in order.. start up my own company. get things going in the right direction. and now this again..
its like a train has derailed and slammed into my head. 
I tried talking once to a Macmillan Nurse, but after 10 mins on the phone i hung up. i cant do talking on mobiles to strangers. not like that. 
funny enough though typing things out helps. 
a bit.
Im not looking forward to things if it is Cancer again. 
already had the maximum life time amount of radiotherapy on that thigh. 
the area covered was from my knee to my groin.  right the way round..  so there is no boundry layer
although the RT was experimental.  its possible it might of missed something.. 
so Im faced with another Op and maybe Chemo. which is the part that scares me the most. 
so yeah. im scared as hell right now..