Together we will beat cancer

Donate

First Christmas on my own

3 Dec 2021 19:53

Hi there

I haven't lived close to my Mum and brother for over 10 years, but have always managed to go home for Christmas. I lost my Mum in March and now I'm getting quite anxious about having to spend my first Christmas on my own, as travelling has become more difficult with COVID.

My friends are all travelling to their families, so I don't really have much of an option to celebrate with someone here. I also kind of don't want to celebrate with anyone else, as it just wouldn't be the same.

Perhaps some of you could share their stories? I only came out of a really bad mental state recently (although I'm not quite sure, if I'm in total denial) and I'm worried things will get worse again. So I'm hoping some of you might be able to help.

I put a Christmas tree up (as advised by a mate of mine) as he knows that I really love Christmas and my Mum would be upset if she knew I was ignoring the whole thing altogether...

Thanks x

First Christmas on my own

5 Dec 2021 17:22 in response to PinkPineapple

I lost my husband five weeks ago. It's going to be my first Christmas on my own as well.

Maybe I'm lucky that we didn't turn Christmas into a big event for several years? So, I am not planning to meet anyone, I'll stay at home and see what food I feel like cooking. Binge-watch TV, maybe some DIY, house-cleaning. Talk to the box with the ashes, like most days (scattering the ashes won't happen until the spring, I want to wait until my husband's next birthday).

Yes, I do enjoy looking at a pretty Christmas tree... but I don't feel like setting one up or putting other decorations up ... and I wouldn't want to do it just because someone would be upset or someone advises. They can't be inside someone's head and decide what works and what doesn't.

Basically, my thought for you is: don't feel you have to copy any solution that has worked for others. Don't feel you have to replicate a standard of celebrating Christmas that used to work for you in the past. Everyone is different; change the parameters of celebrating Christmas if recreating the old Christmas is painful.

Maybe make plans for deliberately doing something different, not even Christmas-related, at least for some of those days? Maybe there's food that you always wanted to try? Make plans & do research for trying out a new hobby? Some craft project? Books to read? Go for a walk and take photos? - It could serve two purposes: help you look ahead and also provide distraction.

And... I think it's also OK to have "wobbles" inbetween. The advantage of being alone is that you don't need to worry about upsetting others! Cry for a bit when you feel like it. I cry when I look at photos for example; it's pressure relief. After that the focus is to looking ahead again.

First Christmas on my own

5 Dec 2021 18:46 in response to lowlandcow

Hi there

 

Thanks for replying and sharing your thoughts.

I think we might be at very different stages when trying to cope with our grief. Asking advice from others actually is a way for me to cope, as I cannot cope having to google any more suggestions and trying something new or coping mechanisms. Perhaps my message wasn't clear enough and I'm sorry if that's the case.

It would upset my Mum to know that I was ignoring Christmas, as it's always been a very special time within our rather small family. So I was just hoping that there might be someone on here, who had already gone through something similar and could share their experience.

Thanks again for sharing and take care x