Together we will beat cancer


Finding it hard to come to terms with things

13 Sep 2021 14:43 in response to Maria21

sounds silly but i bet because your friend spoke on there troubles you was focused on that and in a way you forgot about whats going on just for alittle moment because of it. Yea winter isnt good i dont like to go out alot in winter i hate the dark nights. The funeral will be a blur well it was for me i dont remember much or who even went to it to be honest. Dont worry about your phone it will only add to the upset you will turn it on when you are ready.

Thats lovely you and your brother worked out together those will be precious memories. Wow he sounded healthy. Its horrible that they can just change in an instant. My dad actually got up for a shower with help from the nurses a few days before and was walking around his bed so i got told. Then within the space of 48 he was a different person and had gone down hill so quick. The PT course im sure will wait and when you are ready to focus again that is sure to be something you try and complete im sure your brother would have wanted you to aswell do it for him if anyone else when you can concentrate again.

I used to walk alot in lockdown but now not so much i also went to the gym alot as well. The gym was abit of me time when i needed it but ive yet to get focused on going again. Ive spoken on here to people but thats about it currently. Work isnt going great the only good thing is im working from home. Its hard because i cant focus on things i drift off and think of my dad daily and get upset then im so worked up i cant concentrate. I have yet to go in the office yet im dreading the day. Worried how people will be etc planing my escape if i get upset but thats not yet ill go in when im ready.

Yeah i cant focus on myself at the moment life seems pointless without him here

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

13 Sep 2021 14:59 in response to Tasha-x18

It does, everything seems pointless. Especially as you lived with him and even though he was ill for a while, he was always present, You may not be ready for a while and you don't need to be. Your body and soul need time to heal and who knows when that will be. As long as you heal. 

I am feeling guilty about not hurrying up and coping, which I know I shouldn't be. 

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 13:00 in response to Maria21

yeah he was always there its very lonely without him. i sit and speak to his picture alot in the day.

We are all different and who knows when we will feel ok again probably never really

While ive been off work I think I assumed after we sorted all the house bills out etc I would just grieve and be done with it but it doesn’t work out like that we cant plan for how long we are like this and it doesn’t just go within a week


Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 13:12 in response to Tasha-x18

Exactly, literally got to take every hour as it comes. X

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 20:40 in response to Maria21

Hi Ladies

ohh my heart goes out to you both well actually everyone on here that is feeling just you both & me. 
I lost my husband 7 weeks ago & I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Grief is exhausting, it's suffocating & I think we are all learning to survive this madness of a time we are experiencing. 
I do nothing but cry & I mean cry, I'm back to work & feel lower than a snakes belly  

I too use to train everyday but lost the drive for that too. 

Ladies can I recommend a book to you. It's called 'It's ok that you're not ok' by Megan Devine. Worth purchasing & reading. I'm convinced the book was written for me!

Hold on tight ladies to the side of the boat that's on the choppy water ~ you'll see me there too & when we get to the shore how proud will they be of us xx 

Huge hugs to you both, keep in touch xx

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 22:35 in response to Babyem

Thats a lovely message, thank you. I will have a look at that book.I'm so sorry for your loss, it's still so raw and you're right it is exhausting and we are just trying to survive xx

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 23:06 in response to Tasha-x18

Hiya Tasha, I am a young man Battling cancer. Please stop blaming yourself lovely. It's not your fault. Your a gem you became his carer. You should be so proud of yourself. I know it's easy for me to say in time you will heal. Your wee dad will be looking down at you. Thank god above he had such a lovely daughter, Please don't blame yourself it's covid and i am sure he would have known you were near him. I died in 2016 but i am still here and still battling on. I am a reiki practioner i am sending you distant healing please drink water . water and tears heal us humans. You take good care lass if you ever need to talk please get in touch. i'm a RMN or was. so please if you need a chat message me. Will x

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 23:11 in response to Maria21

Hiya Maria, I am a young Scottish man battling cancer. I am so so sorry you are struggling i am a RMN if you need to chat please message me anytime. You take good care lovely you will be fine. I am a Reiki practioner see those tears they heal us humans so does water so please drink lots of water your lips may start to dry up you may cry let it go please take care if you need a wee chat i'm here Will x

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 23:14 in response to Maria21

you are coping you just don't know  it your resiliant i can sense it take care Will x

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 23:19 in response to Parrot123

Thankyou for your kind messages. I'm hanging onto a thin thread at the moment, I know everyone feels the same

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

14 Sep 2021 23:30 in response to Maria21

your very very welcome as i said if you ever need a wee chat just message me. Stay safe lass Will x

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

15 Sep 2021 10:09 in response to Babyem

Hi Babyem,

Im so sorry for the loss of your husband. Your time frame is not far off mine it still feels very raw.

Yeah grief is exhausting. It doesnt help when sleeping is an issue aswell you just feel like you are never rested. You can quite easily just stay in bed but for me I feel worst if I do that so I try and get up.

I am back to work also and its hard. People say oh i bet your glad to be back for the distraction but its definitely not the case I cant concentrate, im just in a daze everyday. I am working from home luckily but I feel very alone at the same time I don’t want to be around work people. At least when I cry I have privacy.

I have the book ready to purchase thank you. I will definitely give this a read hopefully it helps in some way. Your just willing to do or try anything to help you get through it all.

Thank you for the kind words, I know we are all not alone on here. There lovely people and its such a comfort.

If you ever need a chat please feel free to message me

Tasha xx

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

15 Sep 2021 10:21 in response to Parrot123

Hi Will,

My heartbreaks hearing that your a young man battling cancer, sending you positivity and strength I hope you continue to keep fighting this horrible disease.

Thank you for your lovely words. My mum says this also that I couldn’t of done anymore than I did but you always think you could of done more. Your parents you just want to do what you can as they brought you up in the world and care so much you want to make sure you give it back. I think it was heart-breaking for him to watch me care for him. He used to get upset and say im sorry he felt like a burden to me and all I wanted to do was help take his pain away. Thankfully he accepted help from me he was a private person and never wanted to get many others involved. I hope he knew near the end he was trying to pull cannulas out and get out of bed it was horrible its like he wanted to get out and come home and its like he was thinking why don’t you just help me to us 

Making sure you are fed and watered go out the window while grieving but I try my best thank you I will do xx

Finding it hard to come to terms with things

15 Sep 2021 19:33 in response to Tasha-x18

Hi Tasha 

I was reading your reply to Will it was exactly like me. Kevin was trying to get out of bed, pulling his lines out, he also had a peg fitted which he tried to rip it out, stopped & just looked at me with these big haunting eyes saying 'help me' it has broken me it did then & still does now. 
I work in a School & we are back & to be honest I put this mask on & as soon as I take one step out that door I cry I hold it all together

I feel that this box that I hold had everything in it, working, caring for him, numerous hospital visits with me driving, keeping the house going, my house looking like a hospital & constantly in a mess etc etc etc & now the lid of this box is slowly opening & everything is started to come out bit by bit & I just can't catch anything anymore Sad does that make sense ? I'm worn out, sad, very lonely & just I could have just one more hug & Kev telling me it will be ok 

when you read that book take a hi-lighter pen & hi-light the bits that you are experiencing you'll be amazed  

Ditto for the chat always happy to chat 

xx be kind to yourself xx 


Finding it hard to come to terms with things

16 Sep 2021 11:08 in response to Babyem

Hi Babyem,

Yeah my dad was very much the same near the end its horrible he looked so scared and it was like they was trying to say just help me get away. Thats what i find hard to deal with because you feel like you didnt help them and then they then passed away angry because of it.

Its good you get all the crying released just let it all out, i bet it feels better to after holding it in all day.

I would do anything just to have one last moment with them again i think you do. I think we just got to remember how much we did for them and was with them all through this so they wasnt alone. we need to take some comfort in this.

i have ordered the book it should be here today so thanks for recommending it

I have sent you a friend request also xxx