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Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 14:32

Was diagnosed with DCIS last year and was totally positive, had my treatment and am now cured.

I've posted on the forum regularly in support of many and hope my words have been encouraging to those I've replied to.

Now only 12 months later my daughter has been diagnosed  with invasive ductal carcinoma and I'm finding it hard. Hopefully caught really early as she had herself checked after I was diagnosed and was clear. She has a CT scan tomorrow (is this usual?) and her lumpectomy is scheduled for the 15th. Other than that we don't know her treatment plan yet. Don't know any stages or other info yet. 

I'm finding it harder to deal with than my own. As a parent you just want to protect your children and I'd take the hit first over my kids any day. She's only 42 with 2 young boys.

My hubby's taken it really hard

She lives away from me and I think I'll feel better when I see her (next week)

I know I'll get support on here and hopefully Chrissie, Marlyn, Beachebabe, Jolamine will chip in and make me  feel a whole lot better with their wise words

Thanks in advance - Irene x

 

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 15:46 in response to Irene70

Hi there Irene...

Oh my hunny ... this is a mum's worse nightmare ... l went through my own cancer even surprising myself .. I've took it n the chin ... but when my baby (37) was being tested l couldn't handle it .. l was hysterical and only comming on here and putting down the words my heart was saying, and Rilleyroo came strait on, and pulled me through ... when my son called to say he was o.k... l could hardly hear him through the sobs ...

They are our babies, no matter how old they are .. when he was diagnosed diabetic at 14 ... I'd sit outside his room through the night just to hear him breath .. I was falling apart then too as I'd found out all the things that could happen to my baby .. and nearly lost him twice to severe hypos ... but one day I was sitting by his legs watching t.v .. and thought he couldn't see the tears rolling down my face while pretending to watch t.v .. he turned my face .. and said mum, I can handle the diabetes, l just can't handle seeing you cry so much ..

It was just what l needed .. l went in to protective mum mode .. found out all I could .. searching the internet (in 1995) so harder to find then .. I thought if I can't make it go away , I'd learn how to keep him as healthy as it was possible ...

I'm sure if he'd been diagnose with cancer this time too, I'd have done the same, after I'd got every emotion out .. I'd have come out fighting ... now you have to do the same .. get it out .. swear, scream .. yell at this cancer that shows no mercy .. then get your boxing gloves back out and this time get in the ring between your daughter, and cancer .. and kick it's ass with her ..

I've learned on this journey of ours .. don't hold feelings in .. share tears with her.. hugs .. and walk right by her side .. and when the road gets too tough .. come on here and get it all out ..

Always here for you .. keep this thread going .. there's many mum's that can read it... and join in along the way .. wer a family on here .. for ups and downs ... you can do this .. one problem, one day at a time ..

Big big hug ...  chrissie ❤

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 16:13 in response to Chriss

Thanks Chrissie. I was hoping you'd come along with your wise words. You really are an amazing lady.

I know I'll feel much better when I see her next week. I've already shed more tears over this than my own cancer.

I've kicked it's ass once for myself and will now find the strength to do it all over again for her.

Got my first mammo this Saturday after my treatment finished so feeling a bit emotional about that as well. Everything I thought was now locked away deep in the back of my mind has all surfaced again.

I know we'll get through it all and will be back to let you know how it all goes.

Thanks for your support - Irene x

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 17:49 in response to Irene70

Just call ... I'll be there ... you know where to find me ...  ❤

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 18:23 in response to Irene70

Hi Irene. I can relate in a way. I was diagnosed with IDC last March aged 47 with a 9 year old. Had lumpectomy in April and radiotherapy in June. I'm also on tamoxifen for the next 5 years at least. I'm certainly not one of the youngest on here and I don't have my parents around as they both passed away many years ago. 

The reason I can relate is that I had a 6 month all clear in October for my partner to be diagnosed with prostate cancer in December. He is still going through treatment but we  are very positive that he will have a good outcome.

What we found is that we are both now in a position to totally get it, from both the perspectives of having it to being the partner of someone with it. 

From a parents perspective though....I would always want it to be me rather than any of our kids (we also have older ones). All you can do is be there. I missed not having parents to be there for me through it so I'm sure your daughter will appreciate just knowing you are there for her. I wish her all the best and hope her treatments and results all go well. X

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 18:27 in response to Irene70

Hi Irene firstly sending you a big hug. Can’t imagine what your going through  but know once you see your daughter next week you will feel better as you will be by her side. Yes there will probably be lots of tears but that’s good like Chriss let those feelings out! 

I am waiting for results from a growth I had removed from my nose and am struggling a bit but went to see my mum and the look on her face showed me she is more worried than me. We just need a hug. Just knowing you are there will help both of you. You can help your daughter every step of the way. The good and bad days but you will draw strength from each other and help each other through it. Always here when you need us xx 

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 19:35 in response to Irene70

Hi Irene

oh I can't imagine your worry! I have a daughter and I agree it is easier to deal with your own ill health than your children's. 

You will be as strong as you can for her and come on here to rant to let off steam. Life is so unfair. All we want to do is protect our children. 

You and hubby look after yourselves too. 

Sending big hugs to you all. 

C x

 

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 22:42 in response to Harvell

Thank you all lovely ladies for your reassurance. I knew I could rely on you all.

Yes Cornish - we totally 'get' each other. I know exactly what you mean. She told me lightheartedly that now I know what I put everyone through last year with my diagnosis! And she was right! She's a strong woman and she's dealing well with it all at the moment. I hope your partner has a good outcome from his treatment.

I won't let her down.

I hope you don't have too long to wait for your results Beachbabe and that your outcome is nothing to worry about.

Thank you all again - Irene x

 

 

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 22:54 in response to Cornishpastie

Hi Cornishpastie

So sorry to hear about your partner. This disease is the pits! Thank goodness you are there for each other and as you say, you both get it. 

I have just finished radiotherapy and looking forward to getting back to normal. Lo and behold my hubby has to have tests for prostate cancer. So we are in it together and yes, I get it! 

Hopefully he will be ok. It's great that your partner should have a good outcome. Love conquers all! 

C x

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

7 Mar 2019 22:57 in response to Beachbabe

Sending virtual hugs Beachbabe. The waiting is the worst as you know. Hugs from mum do help don't they. My mum is an amazing woman and is always there for myself and the family. 

Good luck with the results. 

C x

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

8 Mar 2019 03:13 in response to Irene70

 

 

 

Hi Irene,

I have followed many of your posts and replies over the past year and, have no doubt whatsoever that your input will have helped a great many. This latest news is I’m sure some of the worst you feel you could possibly get. As a mum myself, I know just how harrowing it can be to have a child diagnosed with cancer of any kind.

I will answer your question first of all. It is not at all unusual to have a CT scan before surgery. This will help your daughter’s surgeon to clarify exactly what s/he is dealing with and where it is, so should help to ensure that it is all taken away and, reduce the risk of recurrence. I had a CT scan on both occasions prior to surgery. I also had an MRI. Instead of being frightened by these additional tests, please look at them with reassurance that your daughter’s surgeon is being ultra-cautious and checking out everything that s/he can.

Now, I’m going to try and look at your situation impartially for a moment and see if we can put a better slant on things for you all. I include your husband in this, as there is always that special bond between dads and their daughters.

It sounds to me as if you have gone straight back into the panic mode that so many of us become familiar with in the early days of diagnosis and, who can blame you from looking at the worst case scenario? What you have overlooked is that you have come through it all and, there is a strong chance that your daughter will most likely do the same.

My mother had breast cancer 21 years ago. She had it for 12 years before she developed secondaries in her liver, lungs, bones and brain. I will never forget how hard that was for me as her only daughter. The one consolation I have is that she didn’t survive for long enough to see me diagnosed with it too. I do however live in constant fear that my daughter might be next in line, but there is nothing that I can do to ensure that this doesn’t happen. I sincerely hope that your mammogram on Saturday gives you the reassurance you need and, that it will help you to look at your daughter’s plight in a more reasoned way.

I always feel so sorry for young mums when they have a diagnosis, as the additional worries about family welfare are bound to come high up in any list of priorities. What ages are your grandchildren? It is particularly difficult for you when she lives a distance away from you. My family does too and, this can certainly magnify any concerns you have. I hope that when you see her next week this may allay some of your fears and, you can support one another to fight this together.

I hope that all goes well for her on 15th and, I feel sure that you will find this easier to cope with once you know more about her diagnosis and, know exactly what she is dealing with. Are you going to be able to stay with her while she has her surgery? One good thing about your own experience should be that you can keep her informed of what is happening or is about to happen, so there shouldn’t be quite so many of those scary unknowns.

You mention that she got herself checked out after you were diagnosed, so hopefully she’s caught it in the early stages, which should make any treatment she has that much more effective.

I am ever hopeful that by this time next year you will both be cancer free and able to live life in a more positive frame of mind once more.

Do please keep us in the loop. As you know, we are all here for you and, are ready to support you all through this nightmare.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

8 Mar 2019 09:01 in response to Jolamine

Morning Irene just thought I would check up on you before going to work. Hope you managed to get some sleep. Another day closer to seeing your daughter! X 

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

8 Mar 2019 10:24 in response to Irene70

Oh I am so sorry to hear this! I too had invasive ductal carcinoma.....and look at me now.....all gone! Having chemotherapy to flush any cooties away...

it must be really hard to learn your daughter has it, but as you say...it sounds early doors, and when you see her you will fall into each other's arms and everything will melt away ( for a bit) you need see her face to face....give her all you valuable advice, does she have any sort of plan other than the ct scan? 

I am shocked and saddened to read you post, but together we can get through it all....god bless xxxx

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

8 Mar 2019 10:38 in response to Beachbabe

 

Sorry to hear about the growth on your nose...fingers crossed it's all ok...I don't know, it seems we get over one hurdle for there to be another one on the way! 

Good luck...hope it's all good xxxx

Finding it hard - BC diagnosis

8 Mar 2019 13:40 in response to Marlyn

Thank you all. You really are a wonderful bunch. Jolamine, your words helped me enormously as does everyone else who has taken the time to reply to me. When I heard she was having a CT scan my mind went into overdrive. Because my cancer was in situ I didn't need that.

She's had the scan this morning, sees the surgeon on Monday, has the wire inserted on Thursday and surgery Friday. A pretty full on week.

She had her first wobble today when a present from my husband arrived for her. A meaningful trinket from the past and she was delighted.

Well' you've all inspired me and I've got my gloves on now ready to kick its ass again.

Thank you all. Your support is invaluable. 

Sending hugs to you all and hoping for good outcomes for those waiting for results.

Will keep you updated - Irene x