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Fiancé has cancer

11 Aug 2017 12:13

hi all im new to this, at the beginning of the year my partner was diagnosed with stage 4 testicular cancer, it was a shock he was only poorly for about a month before hand, he had one round of chemo which didn't work as well as we hoped the two tumours had shrunk but not as much as we hoped and we found out it had spread to more parts of his body so now he is currently on his second round of chemo his 3rd lot with one More to go his cancer markers are coming down massively which is positive!! We had only been together for over a year when he was diagnosed and was nearly engaged and planning a to start a family, (we've known eachother since nursery) it turned out after 6 months of not getting pregnant that he was infertile so that was a lot to take in also.  

Re: Fiancé has cancer

12 Aug 2017 23:52 in response to Nicole123


Oh Nicole,

What an absolutely rotten time you have both been having.I am so sorry to hear about the engagement and baby being put on hold.  I am glad to hear that his second round of chemo has seen his cancer markers come down so well. Maybe you will change your minds and go ahead with the engagement? It would be good to have somethng positive to look forward to after all this bad news.

There was a lady on here recently who was just about to adopt a child when she was diagnosed. She has  been told that she has to be cancer free for  5 ears, before they can go ahead with the adoption.

Please keep us informed about how your Fiance is getting on. Remember that there is always someone here whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Re: Fiancé has cancer

14 Aug 2017 10:07 in response to Jolamine

Thank you for your reply it's nice to talk to someone who doesn't know is if that makes sense? Sorry if I mislead you we was engaged before he was diagnosed we've been engaged for a year now and are planning to set a date to be married once he's in remission we don't wanna waste no time I've come to terms with the fact that he's infertile now and often speak about what we're going to do when it comes to starting our family -it still doesn't stop me from getting really broody though! 

We was looking into adoption but I would like the chance to carry my own child experience pregnancy his dad has offered to be a sperm donor but is that too weird? 

He is doing great drs are very positive on how he reacting to his treatment and are expecting a full recovery with a massive operation at the end to remove his testicle and the tumour he's got by his stomach so we're just waiting on hearing the word operation now!! 

Re: Fiancé has cancer

14 Aug 2017 12:24 in response to Nicole123


Hi Nicole,

You’ll find this forum a great support. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, family can’t really appreciate what you’re going through, as they’ve had no knowledge of all that goes with a cancer diagnosis. At times like this it is good to be able to turn to strangers who have first-hand experience. This saves family members from worrying even more about their loved ones.

I’m glad to hear that you are still engaged and planning a wedding once he is in remission. Would you consider bringing the date forward to give him something to look forward to during these darker days?

My brother and Sister-in-law were married for 14 years, before they adopted two young children. Like you, my Sister-in-law would have preferred to have given birth herself, but this wasn’t happening. These children completely transformed their lives and they have never looked back.

I am delighted to hear that your fiancé is doing so well with his treatment. I hope that you get a date for his surgery soon. This is always a worrying time, but the sooner the op is over the sooner you can move forward with your lives.

I am hoping and praying for you both that all continues to go well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Re: Fiancé has cancer

14 Aug 2017 13:20 in response to Jolamine

It's easier to talk to strangers about all of this rather than close family or friends, it feels as they just agree with whatever you say and don't really help, like when we found out he was infertile it crushed me, his mother told me I was being selfish for still wanting a baby she was horrid to me, everyone one else just says 'it'll happen' I know his treatment is more important and so is his health what's a baby without the father? I'd rather have him healthy in my life and wait to have a baby, but people wasn't getting how upset over it I was!

I would adopt I'm not ruling it out there s so many babies out there who are just given up and are brought up through foster careers so I would never say never with adoption, I can carry a child I think anyway never been pregnant before but I just wanna have the chance and if it does sound selfish of me why shouldn't I? 

we haven't set a date or anything yet he wants to finish his treatment first so we can properly concentrate on it id marry him tomorrow at the local registry office but he wants me to have the 'big white wedding' I've always dreamed of, he's home tomorrow for 2 weeks then it's his last lot of treatment so the finish line is almost here then it's just scans and blood tests! 

Re: Fiancé has cancer

14 Aug 2017 14:44 in response to Nicole123


Hi Nicole,

You have so much going on you are being bombarded from all sides. Tyr not to dwell on the grade 4 diagnosis. Try to make memories instead. If he is well enough why not take a trip to somewhere he likes and take photos. I never realised the comfort in a photo until after my Mum died. She hated having her photo taken and there are only a few around. If you have only been together for just over a year, you may not have that many either.

I hope that he is well enough to enjoy his two weeks reprieve at home. I can understand that he wants you to have your big white wedding, but this may be something that you have to compromise about - sorry, that sounds nasty, but I don't mean to be negative.

I presume that his scans and blood tests will be done within the next two weeks too, so I hope that all goes well. Whatever, just enjoy your time together.


Jolamine xx

Re: Fiancé has cancer

15 Aug 2017 08:56 in response to Jolamine

I think I'm the only one that doesn't dwell on the situation, I know he's going to be okay, we can't take trips because he has such a low immune system from the cancer he could catch an infection and he can't walk no more than 100 meters at a time so it's abit difficult, but we do have a lot of photos as we're only 23! 

I know he's going to be around till we're both old and grey so waiting for that big white wedding he wants is something I'll do

he still has one more round of chemo left before he can have scans and that but he has his bloods done every week and the cancer markers are dropping dramatically! I don't really understand them how low do they have to be and if they drop below 0 does that mean the cancer is dead? 

I'm so sorry to Hear about your mom That's my worst night mare xx

Re: Fiancé has cancer

16 Aug 2017 01:22 in response to Nicole123


. Hi Nicole,

Do you drive? If you do you don't have to get out of the car. You can drive to some local beauty spot and have a picnic in the car. Before she got too ill to manage, I used to drive Mum to the seaside and we would just watch the waves and chat. Sometimes she had an ice cream and sometimes a coffee plus a little treat of some sort.

I am glad to hear that you have lots of photos.  I am glad to hear that his cancer markers are coming down. I don't really know anything about cancer markers. Why not ask the nurses on this site. They have the medical knowledge to be able to answer you accurately.

You can phone them on their Freephone number 0808 800 4040 or you can write to them on the ‘Ask the Nurses’ section of this site. I do  hope that his last round of chemo goes well and that you will soon have the opportunity to plan that fairytale white wedding – you both deserve it.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx