O dear so young do you want to tell me about your dad sounds like your dad wasnt very old .not much helps just try and hold onto the fact that your pain will dwindle in time have you thaught about a bit of counciling local hospices can arrange it its a bit of a lottery realy depends on the waiting list you can talk about your dad they just listen and give a few pointers or ask them any questions you need to know its not for everyone but it helped me .you know if it gets so bad on a night and you feel your crumbling you can ring the samaritens its free from your mobile you ive ive  looked and dont have number but you just google it i used them on a night when it got to much just a chat for ten min realy helps i i found it just took a bit of the pain away there not just there for people who are suicidel just ring tell you lost your dad and your struggling a bit and they just chat its a queue system but genraly its not a long weight ive had some that lets say i couldnt gell with so just said thanks ring off and ring back then you get someone else its a thing we have to go through is grief but it gets eisier but takes a good while is your mum copping ok ime sure she will be lost tell her it may help her to its funny how talking helps us .the ones that cant talk it takes a lot longer you didnt say much are you male or female how old was your dad.you know this may seem wierd or not to you but i i do think they ever realy leave us i feel my partner at times just leave your mind open on that one .for a while all sorts of thing happent nice little things theres a lot on here have experienced things tvs turning on all sorts of things but nothing scary.if your in bed chat to him obviously he  cant answer back but ime sure hes around you i do at times dosnt hurt anyone but just may give you a bit of peace of mind tell him what sort of things your up to is very soothing ime not talking god stuff but if you did physics'at school you will know that energy cant be made or destroyed and arnt all our thoughts and being is energy so where do we go after we die all our rhoughts and being must be still around just in a diffrent way .i somtimes just feel my partner not physically just a feeling sometimes ill just say things during the day like ime going out are you coming try it dont feel silly i bet everyone does it .some will say what rubbish but there loosing out by closing there minds to it they think there super inteligent saying they dont beleive but are they realy not in my book .c how you go come back and tell us how your feeling just about everyone on here is going through grief and are at some stage moving forward there are lovely people who have cancer and still come on to support otheres now that takes a special person to do that so your not alone on here and one day you may come on and give otheres support from your experiances its a nice feeling even if you can just help them a bit so just keep your chin up and we will all see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel its been just  over a year for me and ime starting to feel a tad better best wishs to you young man or young miss .paul ps the spell cirrection is wierd on this site its like a wierd predictive text thing that changes what word you use to a totaly giberish thing lol so please ignore wierd spelling mistakes spk soon take no notice of the guilt thing i got bad because i couldnt save liz even silly things ive iaid in the past i i thi because cancers not a person we have no one to blame so we try and blame ourselves and to be honest if all the drs consultants and nurses cant save our loved ones how can we .if it come into your head any little things you did that wound your dad up and we have all done it just say to yourself i regret saying this or doing that .ime a dad of three but remember i gave my dad some grief but with my kids i might have seemed angry at times but after its forgotten its kids jobs to wind there parants up  and we are so good at it ha ha so just ignor guilt feellings they come and then they go and our brain sticks in anothere thing its part of the processe truely your not alone on that score lol

Hello there - this is really awfully sad for you not least because you are so young. Your dad sounds great. For you to say he was your best friend & the best dad you could have wished for says an awful lot about him so it's no wonder you miss him so much.

You say you find night time more difficult. This really is very, very common. When we are tired at the end of the day our resistance is lower & we find it harder to fight sadness. But you know sweetie, you shouldn't try to fight it. Crying is a release & in a weird way is good because it's a release of the grief we hold inside when there are others around or when we are occupied with work. Do you think you just might just allow yourself to cry when you feel you want to? Each time you do, think of it as being one step nearer to ending the awful sadness you feel. It is an important part of the grieving process & one that we need to go through to be able to think about lost loved ones without pain.

I feel sure that your lovely dad would understand how you feel & would be giving you a big hug & an assurance that you will, in time, be okay. Just be kind to yourself & cry when you need to.

Post here as often as you'd like because people understand & will help you to cope. xx

Hello! 

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, I really appreciate that people do understand to some extent, it makes it feel a lot less lonely. 

Yeah I do tend to just let it out at nighttime, and maybe you’re right in that you do kind of just have to ride it out, but just miss him so much, everything is so different now :(.

but thank you for telling me it’s common to get upset at nighttime, I find I’m okay during the day to the point that I sometimes feel guilty for how okay I am, but then tend to go from 0 to 100 at night aha. Xx 

Hi again - please don't ever feel guilty even tho' that too is a very, very common feeling. I don't know why we feel it except that it might be that we think we ought to have been able to change things somehow but of course that's impossible. You will feel ok on lots of days & then not too good - that's all part & parcel of the grieving process I promise. It's OK to feel OK :)

You say you think you just have to ride it out - that's exactly right even tho' it's very, very, very tough. You will always miss your dad (I'm 67 yrs old & my dad died when I was 24) BUT, for most of those years since he died, I remember him with a smile. (He was a bit of a rogue!)

I think it might help you to start a kind of memory book about your dad. Over time & when you feel like it write down all your favourite times with him, what he did that made you laugh - things like that so that later in your life you can look back at those lovely memories & perhaps share them with your children should you have them.

Keep plodding sweetie all will come right in the end. x

Hello! 

Thank you so much for your reply! Yeah my dad was only 59, but he cared about us so much, and we always came first, which made him a very beautiful man and one of a kind, the best dad ever (in my bias opinion haha)! I’ve had a couple counselling sessions, but maybe the samaratins is a good idea as well, thank you! 

 I do have mini ‘chats’ with him sometimes as I know what he’d say or how he’d react to things, but I hope he is still keeping an eye on me and the family :( 

i just feel guilty as I couldn’t have done anything to help, but that’s just Cancer I suppose, there’s not an awful lot people can do if even the trained doctors etc can’t do much.

thank you!x

Absolutly much as we would love to stop someone from dieing we just cant . You keep talking to him love never dies they say.sounds like a great guy not all dads are like that he will hear you.dont worry your doing ok just take one day at a time eh .best wishs. paul

Hi again! 

Thank you, you’ve made me feel a lot better by saying that they’re all quite common things, I was worrying I was going mad or something! I’ve always felt guilty for that reason really, I felt like I should’ve been able to help somehow, but if even the best doctors can’t do anything then realistically I couldn’t either.

I  hope you’re right in that it’s okay to be okay, just sometimes people wonder why I may seem happy and smiley one day given everything, but then I know before my dad passed he specifically asked that we carried on as normal as we could, because he hated being a “nuisance”, even though he never was. 

Ive been saving all the photos I have of him from various events in a folder so that’s been quite nice when I’ve got upset I can see his smiling face rather than when he was poorly. But you’re right in that I should start writing things down along with them! 

Thank you again, you’ve been lovely!x

I AM right when I say it's ok to be ok. TRULY it is. Never mind what you think people may think (tho' they may not!) AND you're doing what your lovely dad wanted - he'd be proud of you I know.

I'm glad you'll start writing things down - anything & everything it all counts & believe me when I tell you that in the years to come you'll be sooooooo glad you did.

As I said before I'm 67 & so well old enough to be your grandma :) & I've seen a lot of things in all those years & lost loved ones of my own. I know the pain of it all & how hard it is to get thro' it. I think of it as walking up to your shoulders in wet sand. Each day, each week, each month the walking gets easier even tho' from time to time the sand slips back a bit. At the end of the walk tho' you can walk ON the sand without sinking into it & think of your lovely dad with a smile & thanks that you had him for yours.

Glad I've helped a bit. It would be nice for you to let me know how you get on - if & when you want to. Hope you sleep ok. xx

P.S. Forgot to say I'm 'out of action' now until Thursday afternoon - just in case you post again. Would hate you to think I was ignoring you. x

Hello!

You’re so lovely, thank you! I was telling my boyfriend how nice you’ve been and he says thank you as well. :) 

What you’ve said has made me feel a lot better for the time being, today has been one of the better days as well which has been refreshing for sure. I get what you mean by wet sand though, it does feel like I’m dragging myself along some days, but as we both said, it’s what my dad wanted, to just keep going.

i know my dad would’ve really appreciated you talking to me as well! 

I’ll put it in my calendar to write to you on Thursday evening! I hope you have a good couple of days regardless of what you’re up to! X