Hello Agatha30,

I'm sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and how this is having an effect on you. In this time it's important for you to talk about your feelings to friends and family close you. Sometimes it's hard for people to know what to say, but talking to them may help them realise how they can support you. Please know that you're not alone is and if you need to speak to our team of cancer nurses, you can call them for free on 0808 800 4040. Lines open from Monday to Friday between 9am and 5pm. The forum is always here when you need it and there is also advice on coping with a loved one's diagnosis here.

Best wishes,

Moderator Anastasia

Hi Agatha, 

First of all, I'm so unbelievably sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis. Cancer is a vile disease. My mum has been recently diagnosed but at the moment it's early stage and looks treatable, so I cannot imagine the insurmountable pain you must be going through, but I can relate to you in some small way that I know how hard it is having someone you love going through cancer.

Whilst I don't have direct experience of this myself, what I know from friends who have gone through this, is to make the most of the time you have left with your wonderful mum and to try and be grateful for every day. Take each moment as it comes -- practice mindfulness if this could be something that will help you, it helps me a lot to deal with anxiety when I get very much stuck in my head and everything seems unbearable. Live with rebellious hope -- I know that phrase has become a bit cliche but it really does help.

My ex partner's granddad was diagnosed terminal and lived for 30 years after that diagnosis. He was an incredibly rare exception and something of a miracle, but these things can happen. Without meaning to sound insensitive, have the drs given any indication about how long she may have left? Try and stay strong for her and try to encourage her to keep fighting. Try and reflect and be grateful for the good times you've had with her, and look forward to making new ones with the time that yiou have, without worrying too much about what will be in the future.

In regards to your friends -- it's completely normal for you to feel resentful that other people are getting on with their lives when yours seems to be falling apart. This is exactly how I feel at the moment, it seems so cruel. If they are indeed distancing themselves, it is possibly because they don't know what to say or how to offer you the support you need. It might be a good idea to talk to them and explain that you feel they've been distant, and what sort of support you need from them at the moment.

Thinking of you and sending a huge virtual hug. Take care and try and take each day as it comes. It may be worth talking to a professional like a GP or counsellor about how you're feeling as well so that you can process your emotions and come to terms with this, as well as learning really helpful coping strategies for those difficult moments.

Love, D xxx