Hi heddy. Don't worry about writing on forum it's somewhere to let off steam have a good rant we all have a is it or isn't it time we've all been there done that, same with Google trouble is it makes you feel worse. You're welcome any time to have a talk, if you do join forum welcome, to the club nobody likes,. Good luck with results,. 

Billy 

Hi, you're not being selfish in my eyes, everything you write is potentially helpful to others scanning the site and I think it is very sensible to use the site for support. What you describe about GP - I had similar emotional response. When I rang to make an appointment, as soon as I said "lump" the receptionist went into overdrive. GP on phone within 30 mins and then wanted to see me same day. When got there she was wonderfully gentle etc but said "prepare yourself for the worst". I think, looking back that the speed is simply efficiency, the NHS do not mess around with anything potentially C. Also in my experience they try to mentally prepare you and are immediately thinking about your emotional state, hence bring someone with you. It's little consolation as I know you are likely in emotional turmoil, but the trip to GP will be more in perspective  in a little while. I immediately went home and started to make enquiries about buying a grave- yep that's how freaked out I was! Now, 7 weeks later I'm more able to process things logically, ie somewhat less bonkers ( I was bonkers for sure). A lot if that is down to using this site and all the support you get on here. Dr Google is doing you no favours my darling, he's messing with your head, my advice is ditch him and take comfort that your GP has got you 'in the system' and you will be getting top notch expert help all the way. Please also remember that at this point you still have 50:50 chance its not C or something awful........I know how the fear grips you, but try to relax as best you can, in whatever way helps. And keep posting, you're not unwelcome here in the slightest. Big Hug x

Thank you VPlumfor this spirit lifting message.  It made me cry.  So kind.  I don't know how I would have got through this week-end without this site.  Oh - I do hope my messages do indeed help others with their own inner turmoil..  Thank you again.  Big hug felt and returned xoxo

Crying is good too, it's a release. I've not managed to even yet, which does sometimes make me wonder if I'm 'normal', but with C, IF you got it, seems all emotional reactions are normal. Thinking a little bit more about GP, I have since sent a thank you card to her, as I know she did the right thing and my local GP surgery has stayed involved and interested..... Huge support day before my op when I was convinced I would die in op theatre. They care enormously and will help you get through. I've a big day tomorrow, its my 'results day' at Hosp - get to see the saint of a man who operated on me, he gets to see the results of his handy work ( very neat) and I find out what is next stage of treatment. Not remotely interested in what Dr Google might have to say on the subject. You have a scary day tomorrow, tell the nurses how scared and anxious you are, they will help you get through the day. As of course will your hub too! Take care hun and keep posting if it is helping you. 

Thank you once again VPlum.  I hope your big day turns out to be a positive one for you!  You are an inspiration to me.  I like what you have to say re you are not remotely interested in what Doctor Google has to say!  I wonder if from this moment of time I can take a leaf out of your book - I do hope so!  I will keep you posted with regards how I get on tomorrow.  I will certainly heed your advice with regards to telling the nurses how scared and anxious I am.  Thank you so much again. Good Luck for you tomorrow too. xxxx

I'll be thinking about you and ( not for morbid reasons) be glad to know how you get on. You've done brilliantly so far. X

️️xx

I know how you feel. I had an ultrasound a week ago and Dr rang 2 days later to say they have found a large mass on my ovary. I now have an appointment at the hospital on Tuesday so I have spent a horrible week and an even worse weekend. I have been having episodes of crying and then feeling positive and then down again. I have been watching all the comedies on Netflix to take my mind off it but my stomach is going up and down like a rollercoaster. I keep wondering how my husband will cope without me, how my children will cope although they are grown up but I still worry.  My CA 125 was normal & my appitite is normal so that does give me some hope but I know its not 100%. When my Dr rang to tell what they found I was in such shock that I really did not take in what she was saying although she said some about not to worry as it could be IBS or Diverticulitis. I have never prayed so much as I have done in the last week. I hate hospitals so I hate going to them as always feel anxious but with this I am shaking like a leaf and keep dropping things. I wish you love and luck for tomorrow. God bless xx

You are not selfish at all everyone is just at different stages in their journies. I was freaked out when i saw a haematologist on the 13th of may and then had a CT scan on the 15th i was thinking......why the hell so fast, have they seen something in the blood tests that i was sent for to rule out lymphoma/other blood cancers/disorders. But i suppse i have some rational side being a nurse and saying to mysslf that this is just the process and they get you seen fast for a reason. I was even over thinking that when the radiology tech maded sure i had a follow up appointment that this meant something aswell. Again i had to say to myself this is just the process they go through. I stopped reading dr google and remembering all the things that ive seen go wrong because itsl was driving me mad and i've just tried to concentrate on other things like work and my doggos. I know its difficult at the waiting stage as i am still waiting for my follow appointment on the 24th of june. I am hoping the old saying of no news is good news goes the way i want but we will see. Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. Sending hugs and positive thoughts for tomorrow xx

Dear Musiclover - oh my, it looks like we are in exactly the same boat doesn'it?  At exactly the same stage - both waiting to hear the worst ... or not.  Oh my, do I know how you feel and you me!  Like you, I am trying so hard to focus on an everday routine - yet I have such bouts of despondency & despair.  Gut wrenching sobs then laughing at something funny my husband has said or something on TV.  Like you - my children too are grown up but still my babies and I wonder how they and my husband will manage without me.  We are certainly sitting in that same boat - but this site has shown me that we are not alone - there are so many of us here - it's a cruise ship really.  Okay it's not a holiday nor is it going to be a picnic - but what marvellous people we are meeting and will meet on the journey.  I have only been on the site a few days since I was told 'cause for concern' yet I feel so welcome and am getting a great deal of comfort from so many responses such as your own.  .Dear Musiclover take heart from the fact that your Doctr said it could be IBS or Diverticulitis?  I wasn't told anything except 'cause for concern' and of course my mind has gone into overdrive.  I too hate hospitals, hate the waiting for your name to be called.  Thank you so much for your love and luck  can I say 'right back at you' for Tuesday.  We will speak again and let's hope it is good news eh?  You have given me comfort from your message and sharing what you are going through - so I know you understand exactly how frightened and scared I am too - as I do you. Goodnight Musiclover - try and get some sleep & I'll try the same.  Speak to you soon - and thank you again for your message.  I hope I have helped you a little as you have me. xxx