Hi Loser,

A very warm welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Our Mums are the most important people in our lives and we never realise how much we'll miss them until they're gone. Have you considered talking to a counsellor about how you feel? It can often be helpful to talk to someone who has experience of this situation and, it can be easier talking to a professional stranger than it is  to talk to close family members. Many cancer organisations offer this service - Maggies, the Haven, etc. If you ask your GP, s/he should be able to point you in the direction of what is available locally, although you can self refer to the two I mentioned.

It is still early days to come to terms with all that has happened. I found that the first anniversaries after my Mum died were the worst. It can still hurt for many years, but it should gradually become a little easier to accept her passing.

Do you have other family members that you can talk to about your Mum, or can you discuss how you feel with your wife? It can be helpful to be able to recall family memories from time to time. It sounds as if you really need to be able to talk to someone and get some coping strategies to be able to move on.

Thinking of you and wishing you the strength to get through this. Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thanks for getting back to me so soon. Really appreciate your advice and will look into getting help. I've battled this all alone and can no longer do so.  You mentioned a couple of organizations to get in contact with and will definitely give those a try. Once again many thanks for your concern. Chris.

Hi Chris,

I have just had a quick look at the Marie Curie site for other ways of getting counselling, some of which might be closer to you. They also offer booklets and advice on coping with grief, which you may find helpful.

You are certainly not ‘a loser’. Grief is a very real emotion and, I sincerely hope that, with a little help you will begin to cope a little better.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Remember that we are always here for you too.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Thanks for your support. It means a great deal to me to have u on my side. What I forgot to tell u that I already suffer with depression and anxiety. Ever since mum passed away my anxiety has gone through the roof. Had loads of horrendous physical symptoms as well such as nausea and sickness. Grief is so powerful and has hit me so hard. Depression and anxiety is bad enough but with panic attack's and nausea everyday is making life unbearable. Trust me I need help. Your words are so kind and much appreciated. Chris.

Hi Chris,

Accepting the fact that you need help is the first step in dealing with your probems. It is worth reading some of the guidance about grief on some of the sites that I mentioned last night. It is not at all unusual to be depressed after losing a loved one. Have you mentioned this to your GP and have you been prescribed any medication to help?

Try to remember the happier times you’ve spent with your Mum. If you can, talk about her in normal conversations as you’ve probably always done. Don’t be afraid to smile when you recall some memorable events. Your Mum would be the last person to want to see you feeling like this. When my Mum died, I kept a nice photograph of her in a prominent position and spoke to her about things as I passed it.

That was 23 years ago and I still miss her – I always will. I found it a great help to have this photo, even when it was just to cry about the unfairness of it all. I still find myself talking to her from time to time and feel that she is always there looking over me. As a result of this, I always try to do things that she would approve of and that would make her proud. This has helped me to live a better life and I try to do this through my children. My children are now grown up, have been to university, graduated, secured gainful employment, married and now have families of their own.

My Mum missed many of their formative years, but she would be so proud to see how they have turned out. By doing this, I have maybe concentrated less on the grief and more on how fortunate I was to have had her in my life. By trying to instill in my family what my Mum instilled in me, I feel that she is up there smiling down on us all. Hopefully, in a while you will feel that life has more purpose for you again too.

Don't delay in seeking help, as there can be a wait for these services.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx