Hello Brown-Sugar,

it's perfectly normal and understandable to feel ok one minute and absolutely shattered by what's going on the next. You are not going crazy nor are you weak. You are just facing a whirlwind of emotions that a cancer diagnosis brings with it.  
 

It IS good news you have clear margins and all is looking good after the surgery. That's one hurdle out of the way.  However you are still in treatment and the future sometimes will seem uncertain.  When I was going through similar to you I had  'bad days'  that just came out of the blue. I didn't really want to talk to people. Felt overwhelmed sometimes too. It's normal and it's not something to beat yourself up over.  
 

I was taking HRT too before I was diagnosed and the loss of the hormones is probably a jolt to our systems  (I felt great on HRT but knew it was a no-no with breast cancer.)  Maybe ask your GP about upping your anti depressants if you feel you are getting more bad days than better ones?? 
 

The radiotherapy wasn't horrendous. I got a bit tired afterwards but not that much, plus my skin was a little pink after the 15th session, but if you moisterise after each session, it keeps your skin in good condition. I know it can make some women feel a bit 'sun burnt' afterwards but most I think manage just fine.

I can't comment on the hormone tablets as I have chosen not to take them. I am not advocating that of course, I just feel they are not for me.  I have talked it through with an oncologist who felt the protection they would give me is quite minimal  This is obviously a different set of circumstances for everyone.  I just didn't want the after affects of the hormones affecting the quality of my life. It IS a risk though  and occasionally I think I might be making a big mistake.  We have to live with our own decisions though eh?  
 

Anyway I do hope you get a few replies to help you Brown-Sugar. Cancer IS horrible.  It turns us upside down and inside out. Somehow we crawl our way through the hard times  but please know you are not alone with the feelings you describe. You will get through this.  Cancer isn't forever
Go well. 
Kebbs x x  

Thankyou for your reply. Today has been especially bad, I've sobbed my heart out most of the morning. I did, however call a macmillan help line for support, she was lovely. I also made calls to other help sources and also my b.c nurse. I don't find it easy to admit I'm struggling, so it's a big deal for me to reach out. I'm feeling a lot better than I was  but nowhere near where I'd rather be. 

I've heard that the hormone tablets only offer 0.5% extra protection, so I'm also thinking not to take them. But, the B.C nurse was adamant that I needed to. My cancer was very small, early stage, ow growing, grade 1, so was nowhere near as severe as some poor ladies have had. This is partly why I'm loathe to potentially put myself through dreadful.side effects.. 

Omg you are so not alone I had up and down days for many weeks every pain every ache I thought the worst it does get better with time just be kind to yourself you have been through the most traumatic time and the worst thing is your mind working overtime go for a walk do something you enjoy for maybe an hour a day I looked up and around for many weeks and really took time to enjoy the colours and scenery listen to your surrounding sounds and take pleasure even in a car sounding it's horn birds singing you will find nothing matters as much anymore just learn to enjoy life again x