I'm so sorry for how much of an impact this is having and for how this is making you feel Anchor.

When trying to cope with a life changing illness there is no right or wrong way to feel. It can be very difficult to cope with a cancer diagnosis and everyone will deal with things in their own way, but if you feel like you are really struggling, please reach out to your GP or medical team for support.

Suicidal thoughts and feelings can be scary but the mental health charity Mind have some very useful advice on what you can do to help yourself when this occurs. I hope these tips will help but if you need to talk to someone, the Samaritans are available on 116 123. They're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and are there to listen. They will not judge or tell you what to do, so if you ever need to speak to someone at those times of the day or night when no-one else is around, do give them a call.

Many of our members know how tough and overwhelming this can be so and have also tried to push their loved ones away in a bid to protect them but as many of them will tell you, this journey is much easier and more manageable with them by your side. Your husband and your family love you Anchor and will want to do everything they can to help you through this, so if you can, do try to let them in.

Our community are here for you as well Anchor and will do all they can to help you at this very challenging time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

So sorry you're feeling this way but I totally understand. Everyone's brain works differently- some people block things out, others get swallowed by depression and anxiety. and others just seem to have this ability to plough on and keep the faith. It sounds like depression and anxiety are affecting you a lot right now, I'm prone to this also. 

Have you tried medication- specifically SSRI's? This might help things feel more manageable though it's not right for everyone. Also, cognitive behavioural therapy can be very useful? I have had CBT and I find it is helpful. It helps you recognise the types of thinking you're using that make you feel worse- for example, catastrophising and predicting the future (which is what you are doing by thinking you know the outcome of your illness). 
 

Take every day, every hour one step at a time. Distract yourself if you can, I like gardening, beauty routines, walks in nature, crafting, playing board games. I also find it helpful to be with others, I'll often feel like I'm not up to it but force myself to do it and it really helps. 
 

Let your husband support you, as you would for him. If the tables were turned, I'm sure you would do anything you could to be there for him, and that's what he wants to do for you, so let him. 

I hope that this dark period passes. It is more than possible to move out of these periods and feel better, and I believe you can. Ask the GP for proper sleep medication instead of taking a cocktail of things to sleep. 

Be kind to yourself and talk to others, not to seek reassurance but to hear comforting words that soothe you and lift you. It's ok to let people see your vulnerability and sadness. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery xxx