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Feel so down:(

15 Oct 2016 17:02

Last few days are getting me so down I could sit up mountain and scream I can't shift this feeling. My mother starting to have bit pain in here side where the turmour is she went to doctors they said its turmour pushing up she not aloud to lift she can't even lift my 9 month old baby up:( it's starting to feel real now. Went to see here Thursday and the first time since she found out she haven got long she open up to me we had chat I cried. She told me she fed up she can feel here body going down she said she can't walk far because she in pain. Only time she not in pain when she lying on bed.then she said why here how can you answer I really don't know what to do or say I'm there for here trying to be strong but is so hard watching someone you love go though this.its so hard I'm walking around shopping today hearing people talking about Christmas and I feel like screaming I can't even think that far ahead why that all going though my head why.i can't even go any where I live incase someone ask about my mother and I got to go though the pain telling them.i know I not only one.i really don't know what to do I don't know why writing this wish this wasn't happen I feel mentally drained I love my mother so much it's so hard. 

Feel so down:(

15 Oct 2016 21:44 in response to Gemini39

Hi Gemini,
I am sorry to read that you are suffering so much at the moment. I don't have experience of caring for someone with cancer so don't have any real words of wisdom but I have read many of your posts offering so much support to people of this forum and just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. Is it possible that you could arrange to meet some friends near you but explain in advance that you need to have some 'time out' and don't want to talk about it? I know what you mean about shopping etc, it is difficult to see the normality of life going on around you when the bottom has dropped out of yours.

xxxx

Feel so down:(

15 Oct 2016 22:00 in response to Nickitee

Thank you so much when I read the post on here i forget about what I'm going though it's nice to feel bit normal if that makes any sense that why I try and answer if is to say hi . I feel like I need to be doing something if I didn't have join on here I would be feeling ten times worse this do help I just want to try and help others if I can if its just chat.thanks again for you kind words.take care x 

 

Feel so down:(

15 Oct 2016 22:06 in response to Gemini39

I know exactly what you mean about using this forum, it can be helpful to engage with others and take your mind off things for a bit. I hope that this down bit of the terrible rollercoaster doesn't last too long for you and you can feel a bit better soon xx

Feel so down:(

15 Oct 2016 23:33 in response to Gemini39
So sorry you are feeling so awful. This time last year I was in exactly your position. I was caring for my Mum every day, only leaving her when her friends visited and it is not something I would ever change but would never like to repeat. Watching the person you love with all your heart suffer is torture. I tried to stay strong in front of her although we did have quite a few crying sessions. As for the innocent 'How's your Mum doing?" questions, that was awful but I actually think the more people asked the stronger I got, school pick up was the worst and best. There was no option of loosing it in front of the kids! Try and have some time out for yourself, when my Mum was with friends I would often go for a short walk, giving time to clear my head and think about things. Invariably I would walk with tears streaming down my face but it was a good release and kept me mildly sane. Shops at this time of year will be hard, the not knowing what will happen. My Mum actually embraced the online shopping and bought all her Christmas pressies as she knew she was going down hill fast. In the end she died on the 28th November but we had an early Christmas the week before in the hospice where she could see the grandchildren opening their pressies she had bought them. Thinking of you xx

Feel so down:(

16 Oct 2016 05:07 in response to alisonr

Thank you so much for you kinds words it's so hard my mother have also bought all the Christmas presents she even wrote letter to my 9 month old baby boy for him when he older he the youngest grandson. It's just little things hurt  we all live near so we all back and for.when time comes my mother don't want to go in hospice she want to be at home and my father have said she don't want her to go into hospital as well. I think what hurts you never think it's going to happen to you it just happened so quick finding out and seeing her in bit pain like she told me she not frighten of dying it's not knowing .she even apologize to me because she upset me when we had chat I rather here talk to us. Don't mind me asking did you know how long your mother had left . Thanks again for you kind words take care x 

Feel so down:(

16 Oct 2016 15:34 in response to Gemini39

Hi,

We found out Mum was terminal on the 1st August and she was given 4-6 months. She had some chemo to try and buy more time but that almost killed her and she went down hill very rapidly after that. She didn't even get her 4 months Sad My Dad buried his head in the sand and was talking about stopping work when she felt a bit better so they could do things but she never did feel a bit better and he stopped work the day she went into the hospice. She was adamant she was not dying at home and given the amount of care she needed during the last 2 weeks there was no way we would have managed at home - my parents house has loads of stairs so logistically it would have been a nightmare.

My Mum also used to apologise for putting us all through it and making us upset, still thinking of her family before herself even when dying.

It is so lovely that your Mum has written your son a letter. My sister's youngest was born the day before my Mum's birthday a month before she died so she got cuddles with her youngest grandson before she went. She didn't write letters but did plan her funeral, including type of coffin, music, where the after party would be held, what we should wear (Christmas jumpers!! you have never seen a stranger looking funeral party, even the minister wore his Christmas tie) etc.  These are the nice memories that last as the horrible ones dull, which they start to eventually.

Hugs x

Feel so down:(

16 Oct 2016 19:18 in response to alisonr
Thank you so much in answering my question about you mother.thank you for sharing what happened as well I hope it wasn't too painful.thank you again. Take care x

Feel so down:(

17 Oct 2016 16:19 in response to Gemini39

Feeling for you. Xxx

Feel so down:(

17 Oct 2016 16:23 in response to JeremyBob

Thank you so much it's so hard not only for me going though this is everyone as well it's cruel.

Feel so down:(

18 Oct 2016 20:37 in response to Gemini39

Hi Gemini39

I also feel so down, my sister who is 35 has been given the news her cancer is now terminal and she has 3 weeks to live. Im really struggling to come to terms with this and seeing her is heart breaking but she needs me now more than ever. How do you ever get over someone you love fading away? I cant imagine living without her. I also hear people talking about christmas and holidays i feel angry and bitter why her why us. I went to see my GP who offered me sleeping pills but i am not sure i have never used them before and the pain only returns when i wake up x

Feel so down:(

18 Oct 2016 22:30 in response to LeanneC

I'm so sorry Leannec to read you going though the same situation my heart goes out to you its so hard I feel same as you.we don't know how long my mother got we just taken each day everything feel like it's on hold.we trying to keep things normal when we see my mother it's so hard my heart is breaking when my mother say little things that she wouldn't be here it's so sad. I hope you be ok if need chat you can message me take care x 

Feel so down:(

22 Oct 2016 04:22 in response to Gemini39

Hi, i totally understand how ur feeling.  My dad was terminally ill, i was lucky to have him a while though and we done as many things together as we could. Near the end we would just sit for hours and talk and sometimes i just sat with him while he slept.   I loved him so much and he passed away last month.  I feel like my heart is breaking but i no he had had enough and is not in pain anymore.  Its just such a horrible thing for everyone to go through and the only advice i could give would be to take a day at a time, spend time together and talk and know that youve always been there for your loved one and theyll always remember that.  My heart goes out to you xx 

Feel so down:(

22 Oct 2016 08:06 in response to Jakesterblack

Thank you so much for you kinds words. At the moment my mother in hospital she was rushed in yesterday she ok in here self  just txt here she said ok but she can't have any food incase they got to take her to theatre. My head racing. So thanks again take care.

Feel so down:(

22 Oct 2016 10:02 in response to Gemini39

Hi im so sorry.  Its so hard and its physically and emotionally draining.  were all here for u x