Hi there,

I'm very similar to you, some days I just keep thinking "treatable!" and am fine, but on other days I really struggle. On those days I try to remember that just because it's treatable that doesn't mean it isn't a thoroughly naff situation. Just try to think of that end point and maybe plan a few nice things to look forward to? I had my first chemo session this morning and spent some of the time planning a holiday :)

With the guilt, I really struggled with this too, but when I mentioned this to my parents and boyfriend their response was that I haven't done anything wrong and it isn't my fault, so I don't have anything to feel guilty about. I know it's far easier said than done, but when I start to think like that I remember those two conversations and it helps to pull me out of it! 

Have you thought about counselling? I can fortunately access a counsellor at the hospital I'm being treated at and they have been an amazing support through this. They also helped with the feeling of guilt (and as they are neutral I believed them a little bit more!)

I hope that's helped (also feeling like I've rambled a bit)! Sending you lots of love for the 2nd.

x

Hello Hollibub,

Your story is almost identical to mine. I was diagnosed almost exactly 3 years ago with breast cancer. Totally 'get' what you say. Everyone said how brave I was, how positive I was and yet, as you say, inside it's like a volcano of fear and a sense of walking into an abyss!! Dire. Cancer turns our lives inside out and almost unbelievably (!) very few people understand that. Hold close to those that do. 
 

Yes our nearest and dearest struggle too of course and I think trying to talk together openly and honestly is almost always helpful. Spend time together. Hold onto to one another. Lots to be gained really and no one left in limbo not really understanding how as a family you are all managing. Children show amazing resilience and want to be a support much more than you might imagine. As long as information is age appropriate I think talking always helps. Fear grows I think when the family are cut out of things.

In an active way all you can do is have every treatment offered and work towards that bill of health! Concentrate on getting well. That's what everyone wants for you and with the excellent treatment available nowadays you will get there. Believe it as much as you can. That varies of course on how you feel. There are tougher days than others for sure, but on those days you feel on the up celebrate it!!

I found that my strength grew as I ticked off each treatment. Good also to talk to others in a similar situation. This forum is SO excellent. It's a great reassurance. So many people knowing exactly what the 'fear' feels like. Also knowing the absolute joy of good health when it returns. (As I say I am 3 years on from diagnosis and have been truly well for the last 2.5 years! Hoorah!!!) 

I wish for you the same straight forward treatment programme and good health going forwards. Eat well, rest when you can and treat yourself!! You really ARE worth it. 

Go well,

Kebbs x x 
 

Hi @Amy269 

@Amy269 ​​​​​​​

Thank you for your reply. Not thought about counselling. I might try our employee assistance that I get through work. Think that may help to talk to an outsider because to friends and family I'm having to be all smiles and no fear.

Thank you

Holly

Hi Kebbs

Thank you for your reply, good hear you're doing well!

It's right what you say I just need to focus on ticking off days and appointments and hope that this will soon be over.

Thanks

X