Hi Shirl,

Your title for this thread drew my attention. For something that cant be seen, emotions are such a powerful thing. We often dont realize how powerful they can be until we get a life changing situation like cancer. I can well understand how you feel allthough I never suffered from it myself. You have been through a bad patch, what with reating badly to treatment and all; it's no wonder you feel like you do. I alway think of crying as a safetey valve to release the build up of emotions at times like you are going through. 

There was a lady on here some years ago who kept what she described as a Positivity Diary. She had been at a low point like you and decided to concentrate on the good things that happened each day, often very small  little things. She said it helped writing things down and in the end found there were more good things than bad and it helped her a lot. 

Part of the problem when undergoing treatment is the not knowing. This leads to an overactive mind which nearly always imagins the worst case scenario. Things will improve with time I feel sure. Another thing that might help is to keep as busy as possible, hard to do I know but it does stop us thinking about our cancer for a while.

Take care and sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian..