Hi all.

I am wondering if what is currently happening with my Grandad has been experienced by anybody else.

To briefly outline his story; he was diagnosed at 85 last August with Pancreatic cancer after his GP noticied his 'yellowness' at a routine appointment.  Although it wasn't advanced at the time, they told him straight that they would offer no treatment given his previous heart attack, COPD, existing prostate cancer etc, and gave him 12 weeks to live.  They succesfully fitted a stent and he was informed that a nurse would contact him regularly to find out where he was at with his symptoms so that palliative care could 'kick in' when necessary.  He went home and life continued with my Grandma.

Almost a year on he has been doing well (considering) and has only recently, in the last couple of months, found that there are days he is unable to eat anything, he is tired all of the time and has had some symptoms relating to vomiting and toilet issues, all as expected.

Last Wednesday I recieved a call to say that he had been rushed into hospital and immediately assumed that the cancer had taken a hold and that we would be nearing the end.  When I arrived at the hospital we were told that he had pneumonia and he was placed on an antibiotic IV.  The consultant came later on and told us that this was very serious and that they suspected a blood clot on his lungs and that his heart beat wasnt as it should be.  They said that the cancer was well developed now and that we should prepare ourselves for the worst.

After 24 hours on the AB's and a clear x-ray (for the blood clot) and heart echo that was fine for his age etc, he perked up and was sat up in bed laughing and joking and was drinking and eating icecream (the only thing he could face).  The hospital palliative nurse arrived and introduced herself and said that patients in this situation often seem much better after 24 hours of antibiotics and that she would check on him the following day before we made any firm plans for his furture care.

The next day is took a massive nose-dive and pysically looked like somebody who was fading away rapidly.  He seemed to be in and out of consciousness, was very pale and grey-toned and his chest was rattling and breathing was shallow.  We all sat around holding his hand and wetting his lips etc, just waiting for his heart to stop beating.  I was beside myself.

During the following 24 hours the palliative nurse told us that she had secured a bed on the MacMillan unit and he was taken down there the following morning.  Another 2-3 days of 'dying' continued and again we waited and waited. Thankfully he was in no pain. The nurses said that we should go and get some sleep and that they would call us if he worsened (but made us mindful that it can happen so quickly we shouldnt beat ourselves up if we didnt make it back in time).  They gave him a beer and told us we could bring photo's in and even his pet dog. My friends mum is a nurse on the ward and even she confirmed the worst to me.

Fast forward to yesterday and we arrived at the unit to visit and to our complete suprise he was out of bed, sat in his chair reading a newspaper, clean shaven, having just eaten Beef Bourginon!  He told us that the doctor had been round and told him that they were working towards letting him go home. We tried to process the enormity of this given the previous days heartache but chose to try not to think about it until we spoke to the nurses this morning.

The nurse confirmed on the telephone that my grandad was accurate with what he had told us and that we would need to speak to a doctor on the unit to move forward with this.

My question is therefore: is it 'normal' for people to be on the MacMillan unit to supposedly 'finish' their lives in as much comfort as possible.... and then miraculously make a complete U-turn and get sent home well again?

Of course its fantastic news that he is feeling better but, from a purely selfish point of view, we now feel as though we were happy with where he was (in the best possible care) and that we had come to terms with his demise and were dealing with it well under the sad circumstances.  He had accepted it and was being very practical. Now im scared that ive got to normalise again but knowing that I will undoubtedly have to go through this all over again sometime in the furture. It's making me feel very anxious.

The sharing of any experience with any of this would be greatly appreciated. 

Many thanks, Sarah. x