Hi again we seemed to talk to one another a lot we were talking about desensitizing things that are belongings if you dont feel you can let go and you have room in garage outside or anywhere then hang onto them till you feel you can .there were some toiletrys around the bathroom of lizs i had left them but yesterday i picked up the lot and threw them away there just things if they were no use your mum would not keep them .but keep your mums stuff till your a bit more desensitized . Regards paul ps i guess i had become desensitized to them even though they hurt when i looked at them couldnt throw them away before 

Thanks. I wish I could have just brought everything to charity right off the bat. Then it would have been over quickly and I wouldn't have thought of it again. But I was worried that they would just get thrown out and so I had to clean them first. That's the problem. Now I've been spending time looking at all these things and remembering...things like, oh that's the pot she used to make chili or spaghetti, or the casserole dish to make macaroni, the basket she used to serve buns at dinner parties, and the serving utensils from the 70's...and I look at all this stuff and I think, I just want it all to have a second chance at life, that way it's a bit like my mom can live on. I just don't have the space to store this stuff and now my basement and dining room are full of kitchen stuff lol. I am getting there. It's actually a bit therapeutic scrubbing down all her old burnt pots and seeing them shine again. It's like bringing something back to life. But then I see her in these things and it makes it really hard to part with them. I've decided to keep some things. 

Hi yes can understand that about the memories contained in each item its a difficult one whe mum passed away there was so much stuff we didnt look at it we just bined it quickly .it may hurt but i realized if i took to much it would be a weight round my neck i could never get rid of . So just had a few things nothing of value . Perhaps your sister or partner could just take them away for you . Its all i can sugest .in my case with liz it was things around me every day reminding me of the person i shared my life with every day i have had to be brutal but it was either suffer all day every day or suffer a few hours then they were gone . I knew that liz would not want me to be in pain every day so wouldnt mind .hope you can get yourelf sorted as the longer it goes on the more pain there will be its the memorys realy not the things so hope you can get it done with the least pain .paul

I know exactly what you mean. My Mum died last year and I still can't bare to throw her things away even though I know I should.

My Dad and brother don't understand. Her clothes and things are like a security blanket to me. They are all I have left of her to me and getting rid of them feel like I am getting rid of her.

I had a memory bear made from her coat and an apron, but I look at her clothes and they hold too many memories if happier times. I know the right thing to do (and what she would have wanted) is to donate them to charity but I just can't at the moment.

Yes, I think the longer we have these things the harder it is to get rid of. 

I bagged up my moms clothes today, and I must admit, part of me just wants to throw them in the garbage. But I personally hate throwing usable things in the bin, and my mom was extremely frugal so I feel that she would want her stuff donated. So this means I have to now wash to giant bags of clothes. Which I'm not looking forward to. 

I did manage to accomplish a lot today at her house. So I feel pleased about that. I'm imagining that I'm doing all this for her, getting things all beautiful. She'd be happy to see everything looking so clean and nice. My sister has fun selling things online, so she's going to sell some of my moms kitchen items. This makes me very happy, as I so want her things to continue to be used!

But I simply wrapped up her ornaments in newspaper and put them in boxes. There is absolutely no way I can deal with them right now. To be honest, I might never be able to do it. But that's ok. I'm not throwing them out or donating them. Just sort of pausing their ability to be displayed. 

Hi,

Know exactly how you feel, its a lot of years since I lost my mum she was only 60, I can remember just holding her clothes and smelling her, not wanting to let anything go.

But 30 odd years on, one of the only things I have is a pie plate, that she made corned beef pies on, I still make those pies, and every time I do, smile and think of her.

It will take time, just dont rush, the memories will always be there.

P

That's really sweet Ptmy, what a nice way to remember your mum. I'd like to keep a few things too, but it's difficult because her and I had a lot of the same types of cooking things and to be honest the stuff I have is in better shape. I also just don't have a lot of space to store things. 

Today was hard going through the clothes. I really wanted to just donate the bags as the clothes were but I'm just too nice. I needed to be sure that the clothes were in good shape first. So I had to go through the clothes, one item at a time. It was painful. Mostly because I could picture her wearing these things and it reminded me of times when she was well. It really kind of sunk in today, that actually it's been a very long time since she's been well. I think we all tried to pretend that she was better than she really was.

She broke her leg three years ago and that took a long time to heal. I think that was when she started to spend more time in pajamas because it was easier than having to get dressed. She had bad luck with having a neurological condition that meant she had to use a walker. Then two years ago she had breast cancer, and the radiation wiped her out. Christmas 2016 she was in bed. Sat in bed in her pajamas and I brought her her supper. She finally got up and sat on the couch in her nightie to open presents. That's the last picture I have of her. 

After the radiation her COPD was much worse (but in fact it was most likely the begining of her lung cancer). By January of 2017 she was hardly ever getting dressed. 

Funny thing, she had a sudden burst of energy last November, after she'd been on Prednisone (which is basically steroids - used to treat COPD) and she was suddenly getting dressed every day! She was wanting to redecorate! Her breathing was good, she had so much energy. I remember looking at her and thinking two things; One, that seeing her that way was like seeing her back to her old self, before all the sicknesses. And two, that once the Prednisone treatment was over she'd most likely get worse and that I'd never see her that well again. Sure enough, two weeks later she was back in the hospital with a broken bone and she passed away five months later.

Jeez. I'm sorry for going on and on. I've put the clothes into bags to donate. I think that's the hardest stuff out of the way. Apart from saying good bye to the furniture, and then eventually to her house. But one day at a time. Thanks for reading.