Hello Kate

Mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer on 2nd Jan 2017 and passed away on 31st Jan 2017.  It feels like it was only yeserday and I miss her so much.  It all happended so quickly, it was so painful watching Mum fade away.  Mum wanted to die at home so me and my sister spent January trying to make Mum comfortable.  We had great support with family medical practice mcMillan and we had night sitters for the last few days of Mum's life. On Wednesday 31st Jan I was resting next to Mum in the living room, Mum had hospital bed in living room.  I must have dosed off and woke about 8.00pm, checked on Mum and just made her more comfortable.  I said out loud to Mum that we were on our own tonight, no night sitters.... I woke around 9.30pm and Mum had slipped away.  I agonised for many months that I did not say Goodbye to Mum and that I was not by her side holding her hand.  Eventually I realised that we could not say Goodbye, it was just too painful.  Take care 

Hi Jenlou,

Do you mind if I ask how you have coped, my beautiful mum passed away on 26th Sept last year and I am in counselling as have found it really hard to get to the stage of accepting that mum is just not here anymore. I stood in front of the Mothers Day cards in Sainsburys and the tears just came. I think things are getting 'easier' as I am not breaking down every day but its just so hard sometimes. Luckily it is very busy at work so that takes my mind off thinking about mum but things happen and catch you unawares and all my thoughts go back to mum. I am annoyed as broke down whilst talking to my dad on the phone just now, I didn't want to upset him, it is worse for him, losing a soulmate, they would have married for 60 years last December.

I understand when you said saying goodbye would have been too painful, I never said it either, I asked dad if we should all leave the room and let him be with mum on his own, we left and she was gone less than 15 minutes later.

I havent been on the site for a while, hope people I have 'spoken' to before are doing ok.

x

So sorry for your losses Kate, there are no words. I think losing a parent is just one of the worst things and even if you think you're prepared, it completely knocks you sideways. I just wanted to pass on my sincere condolences, I think you would have been a great comfort to your dad. x

Morning Linda

Thank you for your reply.  My advise is not to rush how you feel, its been 14 months now since my Lovely Ann left us and I can still go in M&S and busrst into tears, brings back fond memories of me and Mum on one of our  many shopping trips.  It took me nearly 12 months to accept Mum had gone ..so you are early in your grieving journey.  I also returned to work and used this as a disctraction in the early months. Every day I would wake up and have mum in my thoughts, this has subsided slightly and I am able to think about other things.  Again my personal view dont rush this.  I also have a very supportive husband who had much love for my Mum also.  I live in the South  but we have visited Mum's grave regularly during 2018, Mothers Day, mums birthday and I have found this both painful and comforting, I feel close to Mum when I am back in the village where Mum was born and died.  Other things that have helped me, this site has been very comforting over the last year, so many kind people with valuable words of comfort in those early months. Take care and hope to speak soon x

Hi Jenlou,

Thank you for your post. The scary thing is, we have no choice, I have to learn to accept that mum isn't here anymore, I don't know how people get to that level of acceptance, just doesn't seem possible. My husband says that I have lost my sparkle....regarding signs, I went out to stand beside the bulbs we planted in memory of mum, tulips are up; I just got upset and I saw a white feather in the plant pot, people say about signs, spirits, I 'm not sure about all of that; I know mum would hate to see me so sad but how do you cope when the one person who could really comfort you is gone.

A lady on the site said she wanted not to be here, my faith means you shouldn't take your own life and I don't want to, but you do have some understanding of that depth of feeling.

We recently came back from holiday in Malaysia, I took a pendant that had mum's fingerprint, I wanted to bury it somewhere there so she could be home, where she was born but I bought it home with me, that sounds silly. We went to see mum's sister but she is quite elderly and has early onset dementia, I wanted to talk about mum but didn't seem the right thing to do in the end.

It's dificult to explain, I just miss my mum.

x