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Dealing with Dad's death

4 Mar 2021 16:38

My Dad passed away in February after a 3 year battle with cancer. He had a terminal diagnosis, however, there was no signposting that he was towards end of life and deteriorated so suddenly in a number of days; so I didn't really have time to prepare for him to die so soon.

I'm 20 and his death is the biggest loss that I've faced so far in my life. I'm at university working in hospital and I'm finding it really difficult to process that he is no longer in my life and that he won't be there for major events in my life like my graduation, wedding and children etc.

I'm busy with uni work but I find myself thinking about him during the day and then I find myself feeling really upset. It might sound stupid but I keep thinking that I don't want to do things without him but I know that I have to continue and live for him.

I haven't used this forum before, so I'm not really sure what to expect but was hoping that maybe someone who has gone through something similiar has any advice for dealing with death.

Dealing with Dad's death

6 Mar 2021 13:45 in response to natasha2000

Hello Natasha2000

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's passing earlier this year. It's obviously been a very difficult time for you. 

Grief is a natural process, but it can be devastating and it is very early on your journey through grief. 

We have a number of members here who have lost a parent or loved one and hopefully some of them will comment to share their experiences with you. 

Whilst I know it can sound like a cliche, try to take each day as it comes and not look too far ahead at the moment. It can help to talk to someone as well and you might like to think about getting in touch with Cruse, a charity that offers bereavement support. Alternatively, you might be able to access counselling through your employer or the University. This can typically be done without the need for anyone else to know. 

I hope this helps. Be gentle with yourself Natasha and keep talking. 

Best wishes, 
Cancer Chat moderator 

Dealing with Dad's death

6 Mar 2021 18:14 in response to natasha2000

Hi I'm sorry for your loss cancer sucks I hate it ! Cancer took my wife December last year  we Knew she had cancer but never realised she didn't have long left  she is 39 and she died she left with a two-year-old and a nine-year-old boys  I just take one day at a time I'm here if you fancy a chat

Dealing with Dad's death

7 Mar 2021 04:15 in response to natasha2000

I’m 35 years old and lost my Dad and best friend on the 18th Feb after 2 years of battling cancer at age 51, he was diagnosed in June 2018 with Limthnode cancer and Lung Cancer my Dad worked and lived in Liverpool for past 10 years but came home most weekends to Darlington to his wife.
When we found out in 2018 I broke down but he was a fighter he had chemo, radiotherapy, immunotherapy all from clatterbridge which was a amazing to my Dad.
He also started Cannabis Oil the illegal stuff with THC in he struggled mind taking it was crazy at first he hallucinated and being the funny man he is he told us funny story’s and he did hate it but he went from stage 4 to stage 1 cancer! It was hard he had to have a grain of rice a day then up it and change his diet to only Chicken and no processed food at all. He managed but couldn’t up his oil.
My Dad was a Groundwork in Liverpool and he would have chemo on a Tuesday and back at work the day after his work mates carried him so well.
March 2020 lockdown came in and he was told to lockdown first lockdown we all worried not knowing what was going on he was off for 7 weeks and I believe this made him detreate. He went back to work in the May and was never happier.
My Dad managed to work me down the aisle August 2020. 
December 2020 he came home after radiotherapy he was so poorly and deteriated so quickly he had a blot clot on his lung and was took in hospital 14th February he was tiny and cause he was only classed as palative care we couldn’t see him he was due to come home the 18th February but sadly died at 12.45 he was fed up he really was.
He was amazing to fight for so long and my best friend im lost and his funeral is Monday I don’t want it to come round cause its the last thing.

Dealing with Dad's death

7 Mar 2021 04:19 in response to Chris2020

So sorry to read this im sorry for your loss hope the kiddies are ok what a cruel world 

Dealing with Dad's death

7 Mar 2021 07:32 in response to natasha2000


So sorry to read this .I lost my dad in January to this cruel diesese and only had the funeral last Thursday.Like you I feel completely the same thinking about him all the time and find it so painful that he's not here.I work at a hospital where my dad also worked and I'm returning tomorrow and completely dreading it .My life before was caring for my dad everyday, ringing him and just being there it's going to be just awful without him.

The emotions you go through are just painful but there is nothing we can do , I find just talking and acknowleding what you have been through can help cope .What you have gone though is devastating . Grief is no race it takes time and will always be with you as it's your Dad but don't feel alone or afraid to show emotion.I think to myself alot what would my dad say to me or how would he deal with this ..most of the time he would say just get on with it . Every thing you feel is normal I didn't want to see or talk to people I still struggle now .But I guess grief is the price we pay for love .So sorry you are going through this .

Please feel free to message any time I truly understand , take care X