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Dad's terminal cancer

vieyepees
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Hi,

We just found out 3 weeks ago today that my dad has liver cancer which has spread to his lungs. It is TERMINAL and cannot be treated. My dad who lives abroad came to visit me and arrived on 18th January. Some few hours after his arrival he was taken to the emergency because he didn't feel quite well. A day later, the doctors were struggling to keep him alive as his system was shuting down. I was told that his blood oxygen was low, liver enzymes were up?! Dad spent a total 21days in the specialist  hospital only for us to find out on the 1st he had cancer.

We have been told surgery is out of the question because the cancer has covered the whole left lobe of his liver and attached to the pectoral vein.  Chemo or radiotherapy wont work and an alternative method (some form of injection) can work because of how the cancer is. All we have been told is palliative care. Unfortunately, I and my mum are caring for him and I have been strong for him however, a bit difficult to continue to car as I have to work and have a 4 year old too.

He recently went back in to get the fluids in his tummy drained and stayed another 5nights or so. The truth is, I don't feel like we have been properly cared for especially since we saw his consultant (well met his registrar) who showed us my dad's scan and told us there is no help and he has possibly months.

Although, my dad is showing a positive attitude but he is worried about the cost of his treatment and the debt we are in given that NHS will charge him 150% of the cost. We have no clue how much a night stay is and haven't been given the information yet (I have tried asking but no one seems to know).

 

Dad is that person who would always pay his bills but now I am also worried that him worrying about bills will hasten the inevitable. Understandably, he wants to return to Nigeria as he has said he doesn't want to die in a foreign land or create more expenses for me (he is very thoughtful) however He seems to have good days and bad days. For 1 week plus after being discharged, he battled with diarrhoea due to antibiotics given to help fight the infection he had when he first went in. I'm not sure if I'm making sense anymore but I wish to God there is something I can do. I know he is in pain and I've seen him in pain, we have no access to palliative care team and I feel going it alone is a lot of responsibility to take in. I just need help towards the right direction moving forward.

We believe in God and at the moment having to increase our faith is all we can do.

I am sorry for ranting

 

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    Hello Vieyepees; welcome to this forum and you are not ranting.  This is a very upsetting and worrying time for you.  So many conflicting considerations.  I do not know if your dad would be considered well enough to fly to Nigeria - you would have to enquire but it may not be a possibility.  I am guessing you have family out there who would care for him if  he was able to go.  But don't let the money owed to the NHS be a consideration.  I know the NHS is in a dire financial state but this is the end of your dad's life we are talking about.  I am sure you will not be expected to pay up the whole sum immediately so concentrate on the most important thing - ensuring your dad has the treatment he needs.    I think you might find it useful to ring MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000); they are not part of the NHS, they are a charity very experienced in helping cancer patients and their families.  They will give you advice and help.  I would have thought that if you will have to pay for NHS services your dad will be entitled to the same services as anyone who is a UK citizen which includes palliative care.  Please let us know how you are getting along.  Annie

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz

    Hi Annie, Thank you so much for your response. This is the most helpful thing I have ever received since knowing about dad's diagnosis. I have thought of ringing Macmillan Cancer Support after picking up a leaflet in the hospital. I will definitely give them a ring.

    In response to your question - I do have siblings in Nigeria and they are looking for how to care for him before he returns. I would imagine that he should be given access to palliative care too and although we've been told people will get in touch with us, it is now two weeks with nothing positive. Also we have been told he can fly because I was very concerned about that however recent events suggests otherwise. I am really in a fix but will keep seeking for answers. I will let you know how we get on.

    Thank you ever so much. God Bless

  • Offline in reply to vieyepees
    Hi, Just wanted to let you know that dad passed peacefully in his sleep on the 6th. He was taken back to the hospital on the 2nd after coughing blood the day before and also having blood in his stool. We were informed that his ascites 'would be drained to give more relief' however, the tests carried out showed that his liver and kidney functions have deteriorated even more and his quality of life had decreased. The consultant who saw him on the 3rd took the decision not to continue with prodding and poking but to keep him as comfortable as can be. It is a shame that he couldn't get to go back home, however, I am comforted that he died with a peaceful smile on his face. Thank you so much once again, God Bless.
  • Offline in reply to vieyepees

    Hello again vieyepees.  Am so sorry about your dad's death - and that he was not able to make it back to Nigeria.  But in the circumstances the fact that he died peacefully means a lot; a good decision on the part of the consultant to ensure he was comfortable in his last days and not to try any pointless further procedures.    Are you sending your dad's body back to Nigeria for burial?   I am afraid I know very little about Nigerian burial customs.   Whatever you do, try not to worry yourself too much about what comes next (for instance the NHS payments) but give yourself space to grieve.  If it all becomes too difficult I hope you will come back and talk to us but that is of course a personal decision for youself and I wish you all the best.  Annie

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz
    Thank you so much for your kind words. The family has made the decision to have his body brought back home for burial. Unfortunately repatriating a body is difficult but we are taking it one day at a time. Thank you so much for the advice, really appreciate it. Will come back when indeed at a crossroad. God bless

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