Dear SLB90,

I am so sorry for what you are going through, Cancer really is a very cruel disease and difficult one to come to terms with. My dad actually passed away last month from cancer, two weeks after he was diagnosed and in many ways his loss has torn our lives apart.

His initial diagnosis left me feeling very similar to how you feel which was angry, emotional, distraught and broken. You have to try and be strong for your dad, give him lots of positive vibes. I know it is unfair but just consider how lucky you are to have such an amazing man in your life, you have created a lifetime of memories with him and a bond that is unbreakable.

Be strong for your children and your mum, they need you right now. Don't bottle up your emotions, if you want to cry then do it. It is honestly natural to feel this way but make most of the time you have left with him and don't let sorrow be the last of the memories you shared together.

Be strong and sending you lots of positiviity to get you through this difficult time.

XXX

Dear PJB7, 

Thank you for your message. How strange, I thought for a moment my dad was signed up to this forum, when I got a notification that you had replied, as his initials are PJB. 

Im really sorry to hear of your loss and appreciate so much that you are strong enough to support others going through what you’ve been and continue to go through. You must be very strong! 

I have tried so hard to be the strong one of the family, as I know we still need to have hope and like you say, not let sorrow be the last memories we have. I can be so focused most of the time, trying to get the best treatment and care for my dad and praying for a miracle, but then at night and sometimes going through to the next day my thoughts just become so dark it terrifies me, I feel on the edge and just can’t stop crying. 

I know I need to have hope but I also know that I can’t be deluded and in denial, but when I try to be realistic I just fall apart. 

My mum and dad live an hour and a half away, so I’m just trying to plan so that I can spend as much time with them as possible. 

Yeaterday I tried to mention a little family break in April, because I want my children to have a little holiday with him and his response was “That’s 6 months away darling, I’m not sure I can think that ahead yet” What a reality check that was. 

You too be strong and you are in my thoughts through this awful time for both of us xx

Hi you must be so lost at the moment all you can do is be with your dad as much as you can i told mum i loved her thanked her and apoligiesd for any trouble i had caused almost like contrition and you know when she passed i was glad for her she said she wanted to go she was worn out . After i felt no guilt as i think i had said all the most important things to mum plus had been and talked my sister who had a fallout her fault so mum got to see her before she went .thats what i did and it worked for me because for whatever reason crushing guilt comes wth grief i didnt feel most of that but you cant be with a loved one 24/7 just support your mum ime sure you are but a quick call morning and night to your mum as thats when it realy hits .paul