Hi Andy - it's very sad that you & your dad have found yourselves having to deal with this. How to deal with feelings is such a personal thing it's almost impossible really to give advice. What I would say is that there really isn't one way to feel or one way to come to terms with such awful news.
Try to take things slowly in regard to your feelings because they are likely to change on a daily or even an hourly basis - it's like being on a rollercoaster. Sometimes you'll feel you are coping & others that you just can't cope. However you feel at any given moment is normal for you & you must try to not worry about it. You can be absolutely sure that however you feel others will have felt exactly the same way.
It's a long journey you have been forced to set out on & all you can do is to take the steps one day at a time. I do wish I could offer something more concrete for you but honestly what I've said is probably what others on here will tell you when they respond.
Most of all try to take care of yourself so that you can help your dad. All the best to you both. x
thank you so much for your advice... everything you said makes total sense and is much appreciated. I’m visiting my dad over this weekend as he is now convalescing at home so hope to see a smile on his face when I arrive.
Its a roller coaster of feelings , peaks and troughs - nothing is nice , your not yourself and you feel guilty if you try to have fun - that’s how I felt and I bet that’s how you feel - we’re human and we have feelings which we need to let out , I’d scream at the top of my voice as if I was doing a bayonet charge ! I’d feel a little bit better but just make sure you do it in the car while your on your own .
My Dad isn’t suffering anymore and I feel more as ease with that as I know he’s pain free , I tried my best to prepare myself for what I knew was the inevitable but it still hits you like a truck when it happens .
My advice would be to spend time with him , take videos , take photos , take him out in the car for a drive , just get out and about with your Dad when you can , thank him for being your Dad and what he’s done for you , I left that too late . You’ll find your own way through all of this and talking about it will help , the journey isn’t a nice one but one you’ll need to walk , be his son and look after Dad . All the best .
Thank you so much for your advice and kind words. I’m sad to say that the cancer has made him also completely immobile so he is bed ridden. I’ve returned home from a weekend visit and he is now suffering from delusional thoughts and the newest concern is that it’s spread to his brain... it’s already gone to his bones, lungs and I fear the worst. Very sad times.
Hello again Andy - sad times as you say. Very sad & very difficult. Nothing prepares us for losing a parent does it. You'll have, as Phil says, a rollercoaster of feelings which might change on an almost hourly & certainly a daily basis. You've done your best for your dad & I hope you will take some comfort from that & you must try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a good friend.
Look after yourself & do post again if it helps. x
I hope your Dad is being made comfortable, my Father went through the same so the GP prescribed stronger pain killers via injection . It’s a tough time but remember all the good times , the laughs , even the times your Dad gave you a rollicking as it’s all relevant to your emotions .
I hate to say it but when the time comes try to be there if you can , I was and I’m glad . It’s not going to be easy my friend but you’ll feel relived as there’s no more pain and Dad will be free , it’s a strange feeling to have but you become accepting and it helps you inside .
Andy take care , and post when you can and if you feel you can .
