Firstly, I think I am just looking for somewhere to finally unload what I am thinking and feeling, so I am sorry if what I write offends or upsets.

We lost our Dad aged 69 back in October. Unfortunately I think that, despite it being a great thing, the NHS didn't really help him the way they should have. The pandemic timing of all of this, as well as his own trepidation about going into hospital, having had the fear of god put into him about catching COVID meant that he slipped through the cracks.

He started having symptoms of feeling tired and running out of energy/lethargy in March 2020 and went to see the GP. He later tells us that he had the occasional symptom since December 2019, and this is likely when things started out. The GP did blood tests on him and picked up on a slight anaemia/red blood cell count being abnormal. As my dad was on tablets and beta blockers, having been treated for Atrial Fib previously, the symptoms were almost dismissed as linked to the medication being wrong or all of a sudden being too much of a dosage. His symptoms carried on, and it took until April before the GP finally decided that actually, altering his dosage hasn't changed anything. In this time he continued to get more lethargic but powered through like the strong willed bloke that he was.

This carried on through the summer, all the time worsening and getting weaker and more lethargic. They sent him for an abdominal x-ray at some point during this (I forget when) which they said came back clear. He continued to worsen. The GP continued to fob him off with comments regarding "getting to the bottom of his anaemia" including putting him on iron tablets, never once actually trying to establish the cause.

Fast forward to August, his back pain was worsening and he was finding it harder to eat, more lethargy. The GP finally made referrals, which were not quick.

In between August and September, he has started to become jaundiced at this point, which the consultant and GP dismiss as linked to the anaemia, and likely will be fixed when the anaemia is fixed. At this point they think he may have a bleed somewhere in his stomach, or bowel. He gets a colonoscopy, which comes back clear. They then arrange a CT scan of his abdomen, also clear. They then arrange an endoscopy. We are now into September.

The consultant spots something but thinks it isn't a big deal, refers to it as a lesion on his throat that would need to be removed and tells Dad that he may have seen something but doesn't think it is anything to worry about. He orders more CT scans of the upper abdomen and throat area. There again is a big gap between being seen and being referred. At this point, when called, the GP decides to inform dad (and scares him half to death) that he has cancer, it's likely spread to his bones and now it's a question of what to do next. This is the first time anyone has mentioned what Dad actually has, and this was over the phone when calling in to chase up on a consultation. 

We phone the consultant in a panic who downplays all of this and says he doesn't know yet what it is and the GP has been reading notes without fully understanding them and not to worry. Obviously, still nervous and still deteriorating Dad has his CT scan and a second endoscopy where they plan to take a biopsy. This is a huge concern because the drugs dad was on thin the blood and stop clotting. The consultant arranged a meeting with him. He is informed he has cancer of the oesophogus but not an idea of extent as they don't fully know - no idea of stage, no idea of extent, nothing. They arrange a follow up meeting, again in no hurry, to discuss treatment options which is set for a couple of weeks afterwards.

In this time, Dad has really deteriorated to the point where he is lying down on his bed all day, and barely eating and drinking. He starts feeling nauseous all the time and throws up stuff which is not discussable. We think that this may be linked to the biopsy not clotting properly due to dads medication. When we phone the hospital for advice, they state that they wouldn't admit him unless he couldn't drink anything at all.

Finally a few days later, my mother calls an ambulance on the Friday morning at start of October to get him help (at this point it is worth noting his meeting with the treatment team is set for the following Monday). He gets taken away and admitted to a ward, alone. He is still in contact with us at this point replying to text messages. He is seen by a consultant in the hospital and sent to a couple of CT scans. We get a call from the consultant late friday afternoon where they tell us that not only does Dad have cancer, it has spread "everywhere" and he used the phrase "like a paint can going off". We are obviously shell shocked. The consultant tells us he has a matter of months and we should think about where we would like Dad to go - whether home, or hospice.

At this stage, we think Dad was either given pain meds or sedated as he stopped replying to text messages and phone calls from us. We are told by the nurses on the ward on Saturday that he is sleeping for 22 hours out of 24 and isn't really with it, but is comfortable and going to the toilet himself, and trying to have a drink etc when lucid.

I phone up the ward on the Saturday in the hope of getting Mom a visit to see him in hospital. I am shouted down initially, but when I explain the situtation, the lead nurse I speak to agrees it would be a good idea for mom to go and says she should call back Sunday morning to arrange it. We do, and we get a lot of resistance. The nurse finally relents after a very upset discussion and allows "only mom" to visit that afternoon at 2pm for "an hour only".

Mom gets a call at 12 midday telling her that his breathing has changed and she needs to come now. She doesn't make it in time and dad passes away before she can get there. 

The nurse is distraught when we see her because she says she didn't know he was this far along and she would never have said no if they thought he was going to pass away. She even said dad had rallied when he heard mom was coming to visit and was sat up trying to clean himself up.

I don't know what I am trying to achieve by writing this. I think maybe I am just trying to find somewhere to put my thoughts down in order and vent a bit to people who have experience of it. I know I shouldn't blame anyone and that it is likely a stage of grief, but I just feel so let down and angry at the way Dad was dismissed and not helped, and how slow everything was. I just feel like there was no urgency. I know logically that by the time the diagnosis actually came through it was likely too late to help him as oesophogeal cancer is terrible at later stages, but I just wonder how different things may have been if he had not been dismissed by his GP in the first place, and if he had his endoscopy earlier for example.

I don't know if this will bring me any comfort, or if it will encourage someone else with mild symptoms to get seen earlier, but I just feel like I need to outpour it all to help get it straight in my own head I think.

Sorry for the long post.