In June I went to see my dad after he was ill, he told me not to and he’d be fine but I went anyway. I found him on his sofa emaciated I hadn’t noticed how thin he was as he hid it so well. He told me he had cancer and had for some years but was never professionally diagnosed he just knew. After being in the hospital for 4months and having a major op we found out it was cancer of the duodenum but luckily most of it was removed. Dad came home for a month to recover and start chemo but on his first appointment he collapsed and was rushed for tests and an op where we found it had spread and was terminal. He was sent to a hospice where I cared for him as much as I could until Christmas Day when he passed away. I’m struggling so much and miss my dad terribly. This all happened in the space of 6 months. I’m only 23 and just need my dad or some advice on how to cope. Thank you for reading
Welcome to the forum Cjdblk.
I'm really sorry to read about what brings you here and on behalf of the team here at Cancer Chat I would like to offer you our sincerest condolences on the passing of you father.
It really sounds like you've been a lot and I'm sure many of our forum members will completely understand what you're going through at the moment having been in similar situations themselves and I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.
I've included some information we have on coping with grief which I hope will be of some help and comfort to you at this time but if you feel like you need more support it may be worth getting in touch cruse bereavement who specialise in helping those who have lost a loved one.
Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator
Sorry to hear this sad news
i lost my husband and father of my two boys on 11th january
its like I’m living in a daze at moment which maybe looks like I’m coping on the inside
it’s hard very hard
just one day at a time eh
I’m sorry for your loss and hope your boys are ok at this difficult time. I’m not sure I’m even in the grieving process yet.
I don’t know where to put myself but I can only describe it as genuinely missing him like he’s gone away for a month, I just want to talk to him and I can still imagine him sitting in his chair.
the hardest thing for me is that he won’t get to see my achievements in life and will miss out on seeing his first grandchild. The only thing I hold onto is hoping he is still here in spirit. It’s so surreal.
Thank you for the message.
I'm so sorry to read your post. II hope the pain starts to ease at some stage?? My husband was (finally, after so much suffering!) diagnosed with duodenal cancer in March 17. He had an emergency Whipple's where they found it had spread to the pancreas and was in 26 of 42 lymph nodes. He did 6 rounds of CAPOX chemo (oxyliplatin and capecitabin) with cannabis oil meshed in at the end. It was hard going and he lost sensation in his fingers and feet permanently, but in Dec 17 he had a completely clear scan. I pushed for him to see someone again in April 18 as he clearly wasn't right and had stopped working having restarted his catering business in the January. The surgeon who saw him said it was 'functional issues' following the op and not to worry. The CT scan we accidentally had booked for April (rather than July as planned) showed different. It was back with a vengeance, in his liver, kidneys, peritoneum (abdominal lining), chest, lymph nodes, all around the op site. They gave him 3-6 months on 3rd May. On 28th May he became disoriented and confused and was in pain. He had lymphoma in his legs now and couldn't walk. They admitted him, gave us a revised prognosis of 4-6 weeks as liver badly affected and failing. The next day said 4 weeks, the next day - now in a wonderful hospice - they said he had a few days. He died 4th June 18. Thankfully it was just us and I was laid in his arms. In that last week he wasn't able to communicate hardly so there was so much left unsaid and unsorted. But he knew I and our two young daughters (aged 3 & 7) loved him and vice versa. That's the main thing. We spent all of that month post-prognosis in meetings and with visitors, we had no time to ourselves and didn't get to do all the trips out and videos with the girls - we thought we had time!. I miss him terribly. The whole thing was so hard because this cancer type is so rare, especially at his age (43). We knew the odds of recurrence were high (75%) so it made it hard to be positive, but we were, at least on the outside I guess. Nothing prepares you though for the finality of death. I felt his presence leave his body, hover above me and dissipate. Since then he's been "gone" from this world - he's not coming back, ever, it's so hard to fathom. I know it sounds stupid, of course he's gone! I want him back though, wish I could hold him, healthy him, one last time. Wish we could have one more massive 'group hug' - us and our babies. We will never forget him. We talk about him loads and always will. I'm glad he's not suffering any more. I'm so grateful to the NHS and hospice for their wonderful support and knowledge in such uncertain times. I have had my eyes opened to the suffering people go through and my heartfelt sympathy goes to all affected. Big love, stay strong, and when you're not strong I pray you have someone who cares that you can lean on.
I hope you and your boys are getting by? I hope you have lots of love and support around you. My husband died just over a month ago and I feel the daze is only now lifting, and the sheer finality of it is hitting. It's very hard. I'm being very strong apparently! Do you feel it gets easier??? Much love & prayers xx