Hi there, my dad live and worked as a teacher in Thailand for 15+ years but came back every year.. we finally got him to come home in january this year, ever since he came back he was feeling I'll some weeks and lost over 8 stone. He was going back and forth to doctors and all they gave him was antibiotics or pain meds.. he finally got to have a full body scan end of June this year and was awaiting results . On 3rd July this year he fell out the bath and broke his leg and had to go into hospital. Me and my 2 brothers rushed to him only to be given the worst news in the world. He had a tumour in his kidneys and it had spread to his lungs and bones, the consultant told us they dont think he will leave the hospital. 

The next day they operated on his leg and managed to pull through. He was a fighter and next day he was up out of bed on a Zimmer frame... . He spent the next 3 weeks in and out of severe pain were he got it under control until he caught a throat infection and doctors told us more bad news that his body is shutting down and you are looking at the final few hours of your dads life. All his family who loved him so much rushed to be at his side as he took his last breath and passed away. 

We was all in total shock the first couple of days but now the grief is far worse. His death has led me to have severe anxiety and depression about life and were he is now ? Is he in heaven? Is he just in a big deep sleep and total blackout. Or is he born again in another life. ? I really wish he would give us a message or signal that he is fine then I can find peice and will see him again. 

I am a catholic and was brought up to believe in heaven , jesus etc ! I'm losing hope each day now that there is such a place.