Hi DWY704 and welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry to read about your dad's diagnosis and that the outlook now seems to be weeks left instead of months.

I know you have a lot to contend with at the moment but I just want you to know that you are not alone. [@Wendders]‍ has been in a similar situation with their dad a few months ago so will know exactly what you are going through at the moment and hopefully she'll reply and share her experiences with you. One of more regular members, [@jules54]‍, also went on this cancer journey with her husband and now I've mentioned her in this post I'm sure she'll stop by when she can to say hello and do what she can to help. ‍

I can't begin to imagine how tough this is for you and your family but all of us here on the forum will be thinking of you.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi DWY704

My heart goes out to you as you face such a difficult journey following your Dad's diagnosis.  I found this forum when my husband was diagnosed (yes the bolt out of the blue is just as you describe it). They say hindsight would be a wonderful thing but even though it is a few years on now (my hubby passed away in 2015 aged 63 from pleural Mesothelioma) I still find it hard to understand how we got through  the journey as a family and l/we are still dealing with his loss in our own personal way.

Sadly there is nothing I can say that will take your hurt away but if you need somewhere to chat/rant (yes I did a lot of that here and will be forever thankful for listening ears and understanding) then give in to it. Controlling the fear and sadness is near on impossible though just being there will be a support. Hold your parents hands, say what you want to say, make what memories you can  and whatever support is offered, take it for yourself and them. Jules54

Hi Jules,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, very kind, and am so sorry for your loss, we are doing everything we can to keep dad comfortable and we are using our humour to keep the mood light which is helping. Time isn’t on our side, I think not knowing when is probably the hardest to cope with as you wake up (I use that term lightley) every day wondering......

The main thing is he is still smiling a lot.....my hero.

take care and thank you xx

Hi Steph,

Thank you for taking the time and advice, in this cruel world it’s nice to know people still care, we are taking one day at a time and being there for mum and dad, I am now spending a few nights a week sleeping over to give mum a chance to sleep which is helping her and I secretly think dad enjoys it as we put the worlds to right at night, we are going to see the Hospice tomorrow to have a look and hopefully quash some of our fears or misconceptions which I feel will be helpful, I will  check in later but again thank you.

Anna

Hi Anna

Hope your visit to the hospice went smoothly and that your all feel a little more comfortable with the surroundings.  My Dad felt very well looked after in the one he chose to spend his final days and the support for us as a family was crucial through difficult days.

Sharing day to day 'normality' and finding humour in those stories is a great way to make the best of these moments and will leave you with memories you will always hold in your heart.Jules

Hi Jules,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot in this confusing time, dad is fighting still, he is refusing to go into the hospice which we are respecting but it’s hard. He has declined this week and the palliative nurse is awesome and does think it will be long now, I feel selfish for wanting him out of pain as I realise that this is only going to happen when he passes. I have taken time out from work now and spending all my time with him and mum and cherishing every day, I wish you all the best and love to everyone going through their own sadness xx

Anna

Hi Anna

Just read your post after a weekend with family. I too respected my hubby wishes as far as his wanting to be at home and understand your emotions.  It is helpful that you have supportive palliative nurse and know it is easy for me to say but try not to feel selfish at wanting your Dad's release from his pain as I feel this is a perfectly natural feeling when seeing a loved one's struggle with end of life illness.  May you all feel his peace in due time.  Regards Jules

Hi, it's been a while, but sadly my dad passed away on Sunday 30th September, I know people everywhere are going through days like this, but to me this was the saddest day of my life , I am so lost without my dad. 

This next part I need to put out is not in any way to cause any fear to families going through the same sadness but more for information. Since my dads diagnoses I had become almost obsessed with searching the internet for information , being constantly told he does not have long but not knowing was the hardest thing to comprehend . My dad refused to go into a hospice and wanted to be at home , I spent the last 6 weeks living at mum and dad helping care for him with mum, in the last 2 weeks he became very weak and not drinking very much, he had not eaten for 5 weeks . In the early hours of the 28th he became very agitated and distressed to the point we called the on call Ho, where they sedated him evety 4/ 6 hrs, the palliative nurses and Dr came out and put s syringe driver in to have s constant supply of meds, they said he was severely dehydrated and this was causing the delierium. Saturday morning and he was clearly distressed , we got a call from his main nurse who was awesome to say they had a bed at the hospice and he needed to be admitted as ' famous words again' he didn't have long. He was taken in st lunch time and the staff came into their own and were fantastic , he looked calm, they fitted a catheta

and emptied his bladder which was blocked, we all stayed with him and sent family home in the evening, me and mum stayed with him throughout the night, he woke around 4.30 looked at us, I thought he smiled, and sadly passed, it was reasonably peaceful but very surreal. 

We can never thank the nurses / GPS and volunteers who were involved enough for their help support and kindness, I can't help feeling angry that he had to be in so much obioviius pain which is so unnessary but I understand this is down to the cruel disease and something I need to sort out in my own time .

i'm sorry if I have gone on s bit but I don't know what to do with all this, thoughts are with everyone going through sad times xx

Hi Anna

Surreal is just how I  felt with my hubby too. So many emotions plus the gap left by the loss takes its toll and we all long for peace. Grief is so very personal and I soon learnt to run with my changing thoughts. Glad you had that end of life support when you  and the family needed it most. Very early  days for you to be getting your head through  it all and your caring roll will leave a gap too. I used long walks to think my way along but it's not something to rush. 

I send you my condolences and the forum will always be here if you need that chat/rant any time. Three years plus and I  still have my ups and downs though good memories are carrying me forward. Look after yourself. Virtual hugs. Jules x

I'm so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you and I send virtual hugs.

My father is currently in hospital awaiting an urgent CT scan.. its been on the cards a while at the possiblility of Meso but I think it will be just that. He is 81, a very stubborn man and very black and white! I think back and wish he did things in life differently and was happier and more content in his life and wish he didnt get so angry about the small things. All I can do now is, if it is that, make him as comfortable and happy as I can. 

I dont know about you but I worry for everyone else around me, seeing them sad. I don't worry about myself at all as I will be ok but I just hate to see others afraid and sad.

its good to know we are all not alone in this struggle. all together we will be strong. 

x x x x