Hi there ...

So sorry you find your self in this waiting game, we all found our selfs in ... it's a really scary time .. please don't Google symptoms ... it is always a diar diagnosis. . 

Hold on till you get the Drs diagnosis ... then you'll know exactly what your dad's dealing with ... just you being there by his side will mean more then you'll ever know... always someone here if you want a chat .. Chrissie x

Thankyou Chrissie, 

 too late for saying dont google, i think its natural these days. 

Going up to the hospital at 2 for results for my dad. I havent slept, feel like there is a lead weight tied to me, just dragged myself to shower, really really dont want today to happen :(

Will be thinking of you ...  x

 So, my dad  has cancer in his liver, spine, ribs. They have not yet found the primary cancer, i thjink they mentioned an MRI scan. 

I feel so bewildered and lonely already :((( 

My dad is always the person i turn to for history, days out, broken tap, blown fuse, any question, my dad has the answer.

They have given him something to counteract the high levels of calcium that were making him delirious, so i mentally had him back yesterday and that was nice, i thought id lost him mentally. I am grateful i now have the chance to talk to him again.

I have no idea of prognosis yet, the oncology doctor is coming today. I dont know where my strength has gone but right now it has left me, i feel so, so weak :(     My children ( his grandchildren) are watching me terrified as if to say " my god, hope she doesnt lose it"   My mums death 4 years ago sent me on a downward spiral and i think theyre scared. I think i am more prepared this time as mums death taught us life since then.     My dad is 82 in April, i had already booked to take him away for a week and have lunch in Portmerion castle again like we did when he was 80, he loved it, is he gonna make it? or be well enough?, i dont know whats coming, Thanks for listening x Julie

Hi there ...

Well I'm so so sorry your dad's been given this news ... and l lost both my parents in my 30s. . And in 3 years apart ... mum went suddenly with a heart attack. . I'd talked to her one Monday morning by 5.20 that day she'd gone ... dad slowly with so many things ... where he'd worked down the pit his whole working life ... mum was 69 dad was 82 ... so I've been where you are now ... both amazing parents ..

As heartbraking as it is now, your mum to your babies (whatever their age) they will one day be that possisition ... they are looking to you and learning how we cope .. what I did the day l lost mum, and my children were 7 and 16 .. was to share feelings with them .. held them when they cried.. told them their wonderful nanny was now somewhere where she diddnt need her walking stick ... and she'd always look down on us to see how we were doing ..

Our children need us to show controlled emotion and answer their questions ... but as a mum we must put them first ... my boys still put pictures of her on their face book even now 30 years on and say what an amazing nanny she was ... l think I got it right ... we brought them on our journey through life and my son's children think they know her and dad through our stories of them ..

Yes our hearts brake .. but we were blessed to have had them for so long, though it's never enough .. but if l were you, I'd make this last journey of your dad's for however long or short, and pack as many memories as you can ... I've often just preyed I'd have had one hour more with mum to have said goodbye and told her how proud I was that she was my mum ... 

Please stay in the day .. if you can hold your children's hand as well as your dad's , you'll all walk the same path together .. and they will learn from that ... because one day you'll need them to hold your hand .. your not alone .. many of us on here have lost parents, and have walked the path your on now ..

Chrissie  xx

HI Chriss

   Thankyou for taking the time to write such a beautiful, helpful response. 

I shall do eveything you have said and hopefully i can get it right too

              xxxxxxxx

  I feel relieved i know now, but wary of whats next, but ill take those steps daily. 

 Thankyou :)           ( Im sure im going to need you all over next few, days, weeks.....months? ) Your help is invaluable xx

Always here ... well hold your hand on here always ... it's like a "safe place" where we can say what's in our heart ... and know your not alone ... sending you a virtual hug ...Chrissie

Hi, me again ,....Keep waking up at stupid o clock.

     Concerned by dads confusion still, although they said his bloods are improving. They gave him something beginning with P into his IV for the high levels of calcium and because the cancer is in his bones. It helped his confusion for 1 day but now he is , one minute acting normal, then telling me the whole ward had a massive party in the night secretly, and there is a gang that comes in and runs the ward , oh and theres a fireworks display and someone lay roses all over his arm. He really believes this and seems scared. Will this stop?

Will i get him home again or is this it now? :(    im feeling oh so so flat .......... hope the oncologist comes tomorrow to tell me how long he has left. Ive also got work today, did any of you as relatives take some time off yet, i dont know what im supposed to be doing, act as if its all normal or freak out. Sorry Chriss :))) rememebered freaking out is not an option as im setting an example to my kids of how to cope, maybe thats why i wake up at 3.....4....5... cos this is my time. xx

Hi ya ..

Trouble is there's no guide lines , no books, because everyone is different .. but maybe l didn't explain things properly (remember these are just things I learned helped me) now when kids are tucked up and you get time to prosses your feelings .. then do your freaking out ... l took myself away from everyone to somewhere and let it all out ... once took my car to a quiet spot and just screamed ... not from this problem but I held a scream in for years after loosing mum, but it just stayed there and thought one day it would just go .. it went.. when I eventually let it out ... 

My son got tested last year and it could have been cancer .. I had a total meltdown for 2 days .. it was only someone on here that got me through .. a friend that started with me .. and we've been there for each other since .. when he phoned me to say it was clear, I couldn't speak through my sobbing ...

So the thing I've learned for me, is don't hold feelings in ... have somewhere to go to let it out .. it's about balance .. get it all out, then get back in the ring with boxing gloves ready to take on whatever you need to .. it's not brave to be strong ... it's brave to be scared witless but still do what you need to do .. 

But you have to look after you first .. if you do.. then you can look after others .. l explain to my partner .. I need time to process stuff .. not to worry .. just need some me time .. and then they understand when they see you back in control again , and I think I'm really strong because I've learned how to "let it all out" hope that makes sense ...

I'm not sure about your dad's illusions could be many things .. reaction to a drug .. his brain playing tricks .. I've heard others have seen someone that's passed there with them too .. maybe a chat with his main Dr ... it's hard to gage how long someone has, they usually give estimates as some go way past, some go quicker .. which is a dilema for you with time off work .. so chat to Dr first .. I always listen to advice, but in the end, it's what you need to do .. sometimes we all need a brake to think of something else .. sometimes we need to just stay there .. it's catch 22 .. so just go with your gut feeling ... 

Big hug ... Chrissie

Awww thanks for writing all that, I feel more normal now . Had to come up to hospital Cos dad was phoning and texting everyone confused. No doctors as weekend, skeleton staff only >::|

  Thanks for that xx