Welcome to the forum RS00 although I'm really sorry to hear your mum passed away and would like to offer you my condolences.

Many members here have been in the same situation and will know what you're going through at the moment and I'm sure some of them will reply when they can to offer their support and share their experiences with you.

I have included some information about coping with grief which I hope will be of some help to you and your siblings at this time but if you ever feel like things are getting really tough cruse bereavement and Samaritans are just a phone call away.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi there I to have lost my mum to cancer she passed away on the 10th of November she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on the 18th of July my 30th birthday... 

I feel everything you have said in your post... the pain in unbearable and let' be honest when u feel this sad all you want is your mum.  I feel so alone and lost without her .

I have an 18month old and a 3 year old and it's so hard to be a mum right now but I know I have to be and somehow I am being but only by pretending to be ok .

Anyway I'm so sorry your going through this as i know exactly how you feel . Xxxx

Hi RS00

i hope you still see this post even though yours was over a year ago. I am 33, I feel 26 inside and I can’t quantify how I feel physically but very far gone. I say this as I can identify with everything you say but I’m curious as to how old you were when this happened and how old your mum was just because I feel like I am a child again since the loss of my best friend.

The guilt, oh the guilt. It is inexplicable. How can so much love and adoration cause so much guilt. A combination of not wanting to know that it is happening and the history of thinking it would never happen. Oh if we could go back even a week, a month, a year and realise that work is nothing, nothing in comparison. It’s been over a year now and while I have stopped crying very badly in public with no control I feel a terrible painful hole. She too was my best friend. We shared a disease and a confidence in that and solidarity. I don’t have children - I was told not to because of the risks. I now know I won’t listen to that being in remission. I will never get to be with my mum and babies, her a grandmother or even have her on my wedding day if I ever get asked. These are not selfish thoughts but a right of passage and I’m lost without her.

I’m not religious, I’m not sure what I believe but does anyone talk to their lost ones and feel comfort?

Hi there,  I lost my mum  11 months ago and because I think/hope she may still be around, I talk to her daily, even if its just a quick "love you mum".  I think of her and miss her everyday and sooo relate to Tillys and your post.  I am  constantly asking myself, "How could this have happened, how did I let this happen, why didnt i show her more love? Why did i snap at her?  Why was I so stupid? What was she trying to say to me in her last breaths? Is she ok now?   She was an amazing woman and I am absolutely heartbroken like you.  Btw I am a supposedly grown up 52 year old daughter  and she was my best friend. I see her in my dreams and am really upset when i wake and realise she has gone.  When i cry, i remember that it hurt mum to see me cry so i manage to pull myself together and carry on. Talking to her definately helps me.  X

Hi. I'm so sorry you lost your mum. It really is the worst pain losing someone we are so close to. I'm not sure the pain ever goes away, we just learn how to live with it - and somehow, the pain while still there, becomes a bit dulled in the back of our heads most of the time after enough time has passed. Then these waves of grief wash over us, but they no longer knock us down to the ground.

I lost my mum in May of last year and it was the worst pain of my life. She raised my sister and I all on her own because our father left us completely. She had no support network in terms of help for raising us. She was so strong. And she had something similar to MS, so had reduced mobility. 

She too was a kind, caring person. She was someone you could go to with your problems and she never judged or criticised. No one had anything bad to say about her. She would help anyone she could. She donated money to so many charities. She had trouble saying no to people in need. I was so lucky.

She passed away only three months after a lung cancer diagnosis. She was in denial over it. Which I think helped her cope with it. We never discussed how much time she had left. But I was optimistic we had much more time together.

I too still can't fully process the loss. I can't imagine that she is really gone. 

I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to share my story so that you know that you are not alone. There are so many of us here that are completely heart broken over losing our mums. Yes, I guess it does get a little bit easier with time. But it's hard. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs.

Hi,ju just read your post,I just lost my mum a week ago after her fighting cancer for ten years,but eventually she couldn't fight anymore,watc watc her through the last few weeks,month of her battle was like being in a horror movie, nothing but skin and bones and her asking me to help her die, you want them to go and be at peace and pain free, but you don't want to lose the woman who is a part of you,I am her first born and the bond is I think the strongest, she loved us all the same but our connection was different and I miss her so so much and don't know how I should be feeling,I just wanted to scream the lose is so bad,bu b I'm 59years old , but I've lost my mum

Hi there,

my mum passed away when I was 11 about 4 yrs ago. I have never really been able to explain how I feel but you  worded it perfectly, anything I write just won’t express how I feel about loosing  my mum and how sorry i am that you had to go through this x except that when I read your post it touched my heart as I truly know how you feel. I know this may sound weird but altho you will never feel the same you will get used to the feeling enough to accept that it is now our normal. Even tho I don’t know you I know that you will have so many friends and family who will love you and make you laugh, even though they can’t understand what loosing you’re mum feels like they will still be there for you. If you need a stranger to talk to then I’m here xx

Hi, I can relate to all the posts here. My mum died just over a fortnight ago and the pain is unbearable. I have had to be strong for my Wife, kids and my Dad. I was always very close to Mum, she was my best friend and since she died I’ve never felt so alone. I struggle every day but never show this to anyone as I’m depended upon to be strong for everyone else.Dad has been nasty to me quite a bit and shut me out completely on the writing of the eulogy for Mums funeral which in my opinion didn’t give her the respect she deserved for being such wonderful caring person, I would have liked to have had some input, but sadly this was not allowed to happen. I currently feel like moving to a different location and starting again.