Together we will beat cancer


Coping with the loss of my Mother..

5 Dec 2017 11:01


I am not too sure if people still read these things or even go on these forums still but I just want to express myself somewhere to someone.. 

I lost my mother in September to breast cancer stage 4.. She was the most amazing mother in the whole world, I know eveybody says that about thier mum.. but she really was one of a kind. Not a single person has a bad word to say about her, she was always there to help people and was everyones friend, that friend that you could always rely on and count on.. Any problems anyone had she would be the first one people would go to. Her advice was so pure and never horrible. 

Everything with my mother from the momment she fell ill to the momment she passed happened so quickly.. it happened within a few weeks, from finding out to loosing her and nobody was prepared.. I am one of 5 siblings.. We are all coping in our ways and tyring to stay ok for the sake of eachother but deep down I know nobody is coping, 

Eveything me and my siblings ever done in life was for my mother, she was a stay at home mum who was the heart of our family.. She had a special relationship with each and every single one of us.. so you can imagine.. We all came home to her each day.. straight from work. I honestly cannot put into words what I feel like and try to speak to others about this but I fear they will never understand. 

I am in total disbelif, everytime I think about eveything from the momment we found out the all the things I had to do for her as one of her main carer till the very end haunts me.. It goes through my mind and I feel to scream so loud.. I feel so lost without her, I would do anything to see her face again, or hold her hand, or come home to her.. Take her shopping and buy her things everything..

When she would always want to spend time with me and I would always say I work 5 days a week and only have the weekend so please let me do my own thing on a Saturday.. I didnt realise time was so precious and it is one of many of my regrets.. I still always did things for her, she was always my number one and I would always try my best to accomodate to her. 

How can it be possible, how can god take my mum away so soon. She was too amazing to go and she had so much life in her.. 

She didnt know she was going to be leaving us, we chose not to tell her.. because we knew if she knew she would give up.. Was I wrong for suggesting this? I just wanted her to be ok.. 

Sometimes I feel, if suicide was acceptable in my religion, I would take my life away in a heart beat to see her again, to be with her and hold her again. anything! 

Any words of advice or anything would help. 

Thank you x


Re: Coping with the loss of my Mother..

5 Dec 2017 14:53 in response to RS00

Welcome to the forum RS00 although I'm really sorry to hear your mum passed away and would like to offer you my condolences.

Many members here have been in the same situation and will know what you're going through at the moment and I'm sure some of them will reply when they can to offer their support and share their experiences with you.

I have included some information about coping with grief which I hope will be of some help to you and your siblings at this time but if you ever feel like things are getting really tough cruse bereavement and Samaritans are just a phone call away.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Re: Coping with the loss of my Mother..

5 Dec 2017 22:23 in response to RS00

Hi there I to have lost my mum to cancer she passed away on the 10th of November she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on the 18th of July my 30th birthday... 

I feel everything you have said in your post... the pain in unbearable and let' be honest when u feel this sad all you want is your mum.  I feel so alone and lost without her .

I have an 18month old and a 3 year old and it's so hard to be a mum right now but I know I have to be and somehow I am being but only by pretending to be ok .

Anyway I'm so sorry your going through this as i know exactly how you feel . Xxxx

Re: Coping with the loss of my Mother..

7 Dec 2017 10:49 in response to Ldk30
Hi, Thank you so much for commenting on my post, I honestly did no think anyone would. First off I just want to say I am so sorry to hear about your Mum, the way these things happen in life are just unbearable and have such a huge affect on us. My sister is in the same position as you, she has two kids, one a 2.5 year old and one is 6 months and I honestly think she is so brave to carry on and be a mum to her kids despite the heartache and the pain she must be going through and the same goes for you. You should really be proud of yourself. I know people say it gets easier but I feel like it does and it doesn't.. I am just craving a mothers love and I am just so lost without her. Thanks again x x

Re: Coping with the loss of my Mother..

28 Mar 2018 01:26 in response to RS00
Hello, I don’t know you but I know and feel your pain. Your mum sounds very like mine. I lost my mum on 26th January and I struggle every day with her loss. She was my best friend. We too made the decision not to tell of her terminal diagnosis. One because we did not want to give up and two we didn’t want to scare her. She so wanted to live. My family has fallen apart since she died so it has been very lonely. My mum too had visitors every day and I saw her almost every day or spoke to her on the phone. I close my eyes and imagine her arms around me and her voice in my ear. It is a struggle every day. I have no doubt you made the right decision for your mum because you love her so wouldn’t do anything that was unkind. I send you my thoughts and will keep you in my prayers.