I am not too sure if people still read these things or even go on these forums still but I just want to express myself somewhere to someone..
I lost my mother in September to breast cancer stage 4.. She was the most amazing mother in the whole world, I know eveybody says that about thier mum.. but she really was one of a kind. Not a single person has a bad word to say about her, she was always there to help people and was everyones friend, that friend that you could always rely on and count on.. Any problems anyone had she would be the first one people would go to. Her advice was so pure and never horrible.
Everything with my mother from the momment she fell ill to the momment she passed happened so quickly.. it happened within a few weeks, from finding out to loosing her and nobody was prepared.. I am one of 5 siblings.. We are all coping in our ways and tyring to stay ok for the sake of eachother but deep down I know nobody is coping,
Eveything me and my siblings ever done in life was for my mother, she was a stay at home mum who was the heart of our family.. She had a special relationship with each and every single one of us.. so you can imagine.. We all came home to her each day.. straight from work. I honestly cannot put into words what I feel like and try to speak to others about this but I fear they will never understand.
I am in total disbelif, everytime I think about eveything from the momment we found out the all the things I had to do for her as one of her main carer till the very end haunts me.. It goes through my mind and I feel to scream so loud.. I feel so lost without her, I would do anything to see her face again, or hold her hand, or come home to her.. Take her shopping and buy her things everything..
When she would always want to spend time with me and I would always say I work 5 days a week and only have the weekend so please let me do my own thing on a Saturday.. I didnt realise time was so precious and it is one of many of my regrets.. I still always did things for her, she was always my number one and I would always try my best to accomodate to her.
How can it be possible, how can god take my mum away so soon. She was too amazing to go and she had so much life in her..
She didnt know she was going to be leaving us, we chose not to tell her.. because we knew if she knew she would give up.. Was I wrong for suggesting this? I just wanted her to be ok..
Sometimes I feel, if suicide was acceptable in my religion, I would take my life away in a heart beat to see her again, to be with her and hold her again. anything!
Any words of advice or anything would help.
Thank you x