Hi Lucy,

Welcome to the forum, I was very sorry to read that you had lost your dad, my mum died last September of Myleofibrosis, not so common blood cancer. I am not sure I could be as brave or strong as you are, such a young age and having been through your own cancer journey. 

I am a lot older than you at 55 but I suffered panic attacks and just felt anxious about everything, the feelings are uncontrollable. I am further along in my journey, it is very early days for you and if you havent already done so, you must speak to your GP, mine was very understanding. I also spoke to the Minister who presided over my mums funeral, you may or may not be religious but it might help. The important thing is not to try and cope with the loss of your dad yourself. Silly thing but I found that just going for a walk sometimes helped. You mentioned that you do have support around you, keep your family close. 

There are no right or wrong ways to grieve, however you feel is normal, sounds an odd thing to say but you just have to go with the flow. I sobbed throughout my mums funeral service, I can't give you any tips except don't hold your grief in, feel what you feel, its ok. It's a hard journey Lucy but you will have the strength to cope, not yet but you will .....I wish I was as brave as I know you are. 

Take care

x

Oh sweetie - such a horrible, horrible time for you. It sounds as tho' you are ver angry & quite understandably so. It is a cruel disease & doesn't care who it takes or affects & it IS unfair. No-one can help you to understand why because we none of us know.

You ask about coping with bereavement - there isn't a right or a wrong way - it's like plodding through an enormous amount of wet sand - almost up to your armpits. It's only over time that the wet sand dries up and you can walk on it not have to struggle though it.

Funerals are 'peculiar' things you know. I lost my dad when I was about 23 & it was awful but the funeral was good in a funny kind of way. I felt I was saying goodbye to him & not trying to hang on to him when he wasn't here any longer. And, almost every funeral I've been to since (& there have been quite a few because I'm pushing 70) have been a way of letting go of people. That doesn't mean it will all be ok afterwards of course, but it's a kind of staging post in the grief process & lets you move on to the next stage.

I think this must be very hard to understand when you are only 17 but I hope you can trust what I'm saying. Grief is a process - a journey if you like - & you are only at the very beginning of the road. The funeral is the first step to ending the pain of it all. So don't fear it at all. You may well cry an awful lot & that's ok. You may not cry at all & that's ok too. Accept what comes & KNOW it will all be ok in the end.

Your lovely Dad will always be in your heart & so you can always take him with you on your journey thro' your life. He would want you to be happy I'm sure - how could he not he & your mum brought you into the world to live a life & that means good & sad too.

Take good care of yourself sweetie & ask for help when you need it. xx

Hi again Lucy - I've been thinking about you since I last replied to you & wondering if there was anything else I might have said which might help you. You asked about coping with bereavment & one thing I think might help you is to start a journal. You write in a very articulate way (I was a university lecturer so I know what I'm talking about!). Make the journal about your dad (a) include your feelings in it about how angry you feel - getting them down on paper is always a useful thing to do - better out than in! Also about the things you fear most about him not being here. (b) Write down all the things you know & remember about your dad. All the nice things you shared together; what he was like; even what irritated you sometimes (bet there were things :) ) Maybe put some favourite 'photos in it too. Put in anything you like. One day you might have children & you'll be able to share your dad with them - tell them what he was like, how much he means to you and why. 

I'll bet it will help. You may not want to do it just now but perhaps a bit later you might. Think about it anyway. Big hug sweetie. Sleep tight. x

Hi Lucy,

I lost my mum to cancer last year when I was 15. I felt so lost when it happened and very alone too. I would like to preface everything I day with the idea that everyone copes differently but for me, grief comes in waves. 

The most important thing to do now is to talk to people and that doesn't mean joining a big support group, I have about 4 people that I know I can always sit down with and discuss the raw feelings that I have.

Coping will not be easy, for the first few months I was fine, I got upset but overall everything was ok, I made sure to see my friends and family because I learnt that even though my world had stopped, the world around me was not going to stop completely. This does not mean to carry on all the time when you don't want to but to try and carry on a little bit more each day, always make sure to take breaks to come to term with your feelings, talk to people, write a diary but always carry on as it is what your dad would've wanted you to do.

Funerals are weird, and my mum's funeral was the first I had ever been to, and to be honest seeing th coffin at the front of the church and knowing that my mum was in it was a very difficult feeling. At the same time funerals are not completely sombre occasions, they are also a celebration of life, and a chance to look back with others, maybe family members you haven't seen in a while, on how amazing your dad was.

Nothing will be easy, and it will not be fun but it is always nice to look back on the time you had with your dad in fondness and not pity. I hope you begin to feel slightly better soon.

 I am sorry to hear of your struggles with your own cancer diagnosis. Well Done! 

I wish you all the best and am here if you need me,

Lily xx

Hi Lucy, I'm 17 and my Dad has had cancer for a year, a few weeks ago we found out that his 2nd chemo hasn't worked and we're going to lose him in the next few months. I see that you posted your comment last year and I genuinely hope that you have found some comfort since then. I have a question, does the grief get easier? x