Oh hunny ... you've sure had so much on your plate ...  and sometimes trying to keep strong, just keeps one feeling after another locked up inside , until one day you try to put another feeling in there, and they all come tumbling out , and then it is overwhelming.... anti depressants are good for short term, but if you don't face how those feelings are, and not dealing with them, it really does take it's toll on other loved ones that need you ... 

If you can think of your dad ... and admit how hard it is without him, and how scared that makes you feel .. and let your heart say .. it's not fare, and life can be cruel...

... and it's all about balance ... it's about facing how you feel .. scream / cry / shout out ... and going with it for awhile... then think of the best funniest moment you can with him, over and over every word , look and feel how that made you feel  ... till the good feelings push the sad ones back ... and remember how or what your dad would say to you now ...

Both my son's have had bad bike accidents ... but like yours they are still here .. and life does teach them lessons ... maybe to take more care next time ... so look on that as a positive .. 

I didn't cry at my mum's funeral ... and we were as close as a mum daughter could be ... but the next funeral 2 years later was a distant uncle and I cried like a baby , then I realised it was for my mum ...

There's no right or wrong way to grieve ... we all do it differently ... but what helped me was knowing my mum, loved laughter, and her grandkids ... so we always talk about the good funny memories she left us .. and we try and do things to make her proud ... 27 years later, my sons still write about their wonderfull nanny ... so hold on to your children and hubby ... and don't be scared to admit to them, how your feeling .. but try to say you will get there ... just take baby steps ... one day at a time .. and remember he lives forever in your heart ... big hug Chrissie

Hello to you. I have just read your post and I like you I am filled with grief. I lost my wife to cancer on the 20th December 2017 and don't go out or even want to. People are trying teir best with me but they don't know how I am feeling. We had been married 44 years and knew each other for 46 years, and now the emptiness and loneliness is overwhelming. Please think about going to counselling as I go to The local CLAN cancer drop in centre usually twice a week to talk. I'm not saying it will help you but it just might. Please think about it though. I have no words to help you as words are useless, but my thoughts are with you at a very heartbreaking time. 

Sending love to you. Gord. X

Oh god I just don't know what to say. I've come to this forum tonight as I'm in the grip of despair as I'm about to lose my mum. I don't know how to cope and I have no advice but I can relate to the way that life can test you. My 20 year old son has just been diagnosed with a personality disorder and has just spent a week in an acute psychiatric ward. I spent the week driving between my terminally ill mum and my sectioned son ! . I'm not coping well but I just wanted to say that we are sent the most awful challenges and I'm not sure yet how mine will pan out but I didn't cope well with the antidepressants, they made me feel ill and tired I still need to be driving and visiting my mum and getting my son to appointments. I will try them again in a few days. My relationship with my husband is strained as my sons  diagnosis  has followed years of difficult times. My mum has been my friend and I can't imagine being without her. Allow your self to greive for your dad. I lost mine years ago and it becomes less painful. Make sure you use your GP mine has given me time off work which is a god send . Life has the most challenging times  xxx