Hi I share all your loses and wish I could tell you life goes on and it will get better but I can't. My husband (Billy) was told around March 2017 that there was a shadow on his lung and the doctor thought it was cancer.  Numerous tests later the diagnosis was confirmed on 4th July 2017 that there was a cancerous tumor on his lungs and it was stage 4. My husband already had 3/4 life threatening illnesses,  heart condition, Severe Emphysema, C.O.P.D and Peripheral Vascular Disease and the cancer diagnosis was the icing on the cake, or so he thought.  The doctor gave my husband options but none of them were safe as far as my husband was concerned. They could give him Chemotherapy but to do that they needed a biopsy (1 in 10 burst so a doctor said), they could give him Radiotherapy but that could affect his breathing and he already had a breathing problem with his Severe Emphysema and C.O.P.D or they could give him an operation to cut the cancerous part away but that was dangerous because of his heart condition and they may cut out the part of the lung that was helping him to breath. My husband refused all this and the cancer specialist at the hospital totally discarded him because he refused any of their treatments and medication. My husband treated himself with cannabis oil, maple syrup and bicarbonate of soda, B17, Carrot Juice, Stopped eating meat, started to juice lots of green vegetables, stopped eating cancerogenic foods and had a very limited diet. This led to him losing a lot of weight but he was getting stronger because prior to the cancer diagnosis my husband was in bed approximately 16 hours a day as he was so weak and had no energy. Once he was told by the doctor he had cancer his life took a turn for the better. Billy started to treat himself, lived his life like he had not lived in the last 5 or 10 years. We had a family meal for father’s day 2017 which he thoroughly enjoyed with his children and grandchildren, we went on holiday down south with his friend and their family July 2017, we attended court to challenge a corrupt court system and illegal and unlawful eviction August 2017, we went through a full eviction process September 2017, he went to Manchester with his 3 children to a Nacho Bear concert November 2017, our friend bought us a 2 day break at Inn on the Loch at Loch Lomond December 2017 and he had a fantastic time even managed to walk round the shops (told me if I liked window shopping he would take me to the local shop and tell them we don't want to buy anything as my wife just likes to walk about shops and look at things). Christmas 2017 we travelled to my daughters and brought Christmas in with her and he had a great few days there. We went to our friends and celebrated New Year Night 1 January 2018 with her and her full family and Bill had a great time. However around December January someone had told him he should put coconut oil in his cannabis oil which he started to do in January, I thought this was a bad idea but he tried it anyway. In January 2018 I had a 60 birthday party celebration which Billy really enjoyed and all the family and friends were there it a was a fantastic night Billy managed to stay until the very end which was unusual for him as he normally he did not like parties even when he was fit and healthy. However, around March 2018 he began to get weaker and was struggling to eat, he was still taking the cannabis oil but it was not as strong as he had weakened it with coconut oil.  Billy made a fresh batch of Cannabis oil in March without coconut and he started taking that but by then it was not so easy for him to swallow the capsules in the end he only took small amount. In April 2018 Billy celebrated his 58th birthday with his children and grandchildren he went to the casino the night of his birthday which was a Friday, Saturday he was too tired to go out so stayed in the house with his family, Sunday he went to casino with his son and on the Monday I went to the casino with him.  Billy took a turn for the worst and got weaker and weaker was in bed more but was still out bed watching videos on the TV and talking to friends on the site which we go to. We had a very large network of friends and family who would drop by and that was fantastic Billy was not on his cancer journey himself he had the support of numerous people.  Unfortunately I am the same as another lady and did not get much support from Cancer Research Organisation, the first help we got was around March/April 2018 when I phoned the doctor because my husband was coughing up blood. I honestly believe they only help you if you take their treatments and my husband had refused all their treatments. Around April 2018 the doctor diagnosed fluid  in the right lung and said his left lung sounded clear ( It was his left lung that had the cancer tumour in Februray 2017). My husband got very poorly in May 2018,  a week before he died  a food hygienist attended the house and told me it was too late, (we had asked the cancer specialist for a food specialist in July 2017 and got told they did not do that type of stuff). Why come when it was too late waste of time her coming not really sure why she attended the house 10 months after we had asked for her. My husband was very poorly for about 10 days before he died but did not want to go into the hospice so we kept him in the house.  McMillan nurses did attend the house but they were trying to get my husband to take Morphine even although he told them umpteen times he did not want morphine.  My husband was very fortunate and was not in any pain before he died, he had a full social calendar and I am glad we done it the way he wanted.  When I read some of the horror stories on here of the treatments and pain associated with that I am so glad Billy was such a strong willed man. How I cope since he passed away is maybe different because we have so many happy memories from the time of diagnosis to the time he passed away and I am grateful for that.  I miss him every single day and I talk to him every single day, he is often in my dreams and we are discussing what I should or should not do and I get immense comfort from that. Billy and I were together 39 and half years we had our ups and downs, it was not perfect but we managed to get through the tough times and became a united pair.  Do I have regrets? Of course I do, did I say everything I should have? Of course I did not (life gets in the way), did I do everything I could for him? of course I did not you can always do more, should I knock myself up for the rest of my life for what I failed to say or do? of course I should not and Billy would not want me to either. We had an amazing Cancer journey with Billy and he was not afraid of dying as he believed you are made up of energy and cannot die.  Billy left this world in the comfort of his own home in a very peaceful way, he chose his moment to leave and it was amazing. So for me Billy is still with me, his children friends and family, he has sent loads of messages to let us know he is still there, until we meet again Billy I love you xxxxxx.  I will continue to think on the positive and hopefully I am able to be as strong as he was if cancer ever comes to my door. I hope this helps comfort others in their time of grief.  This is my personal synopsis and is not written to upset anyone.