Hi there ... what a hard time your going through at the mo ... no wonder it seems surreal... you’ve had your mum there all your life, then to hear that news, everything turns on it’s head, especially since there’s no treatment that she can have .... so no time to get used to it... 

i know the feeling of not being real, as my mum left suddenly with a heart attach... and me and my sister had been put in a side room, when they came in with the news, there’s nothing we could do ... she’d phoned me that morning, sounding fine ... we never got the chance to hold her hand...  as I went home I remember thinking I was dreaming (nightmare) and someone would tell me she was fine, it didn’t really happen ... 

all I can say is, you’ve been given the gift of time ... to hold her hand, to tell her you love her, and say all those things your heart feels... I would have given anything to have had that chance ... leave nothing unsaid ... you can hold her hand, and walk this path ... together... she may have things she needs to say to you too, but worried it will upset you .... as a mum to to lads, and I’m on my cancer journey.... I have had my lad, holding my hand, through my mastectomy and there after .... we have talked about everything, we have hugged, had a few tears and even found we had laughter too ... he made me able to face anything , and I knew I’d told him all I needed to tell him, and him me...

feeling like you are, could be shock ... trust me, we have all been through every feeling you can imagine, it’s all part of loving someone so much, and facing loosing them .... make the most of every day, make loving memories your heart will have forever, and try not to look to far ahead ... coz that makes it overwhelming... sending you a big hug Chrisie x ️ 

Honestly, you dont sound pathetic (as you put it) at all. You sound very much like a person who is having to deal/cope with losing a parent - that's a lot to take in. It can effect all of us in many diffirent ways, and you have to try and be kind to yourself - so what if you need a week off, take the week (or more) and do what you have to, to get through this.

There are lots of organisations, including this one that you can phone and speak to someone who will understand. Are you and your brother close - can you talk to each other?

My thoughts go out to you xx