Hi I'm getting results tomorrow and already told my adult kids as both my mum and sister had BC sister died aged 48. So thought it important they knew I might have it. Would like them to have gene testing to see if hereditary. 

Think it's good to have their support aswell, not that I needed to tell them as they guessed something was up. 

Kids can tell just as much as we can when something's not right. 

I'm sure your daughter would prefer to know so she can support you through this difficult time. Xxx

Hi Badger, sorry about your diagnosis - I got the same diagnosis a week before you. Still waiting on my Her2 result also. I've been having half a small glass of wine to take the edge off!! My mum had breast cancer when I was in my 20s and she didn't tell us until her treatment finished. She didn't need chemo and we lived away from home. The tables are now turned. My mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I haven't told her about my breast cancer because she's already dealing with severe anxiety. If I need chemo, I'll just have to tell her though. It's very difficult to make these decisions and I hope you get some clarity on it in time. In the meantime, hope you get your treatment started soon. 

Badger 

my love so sorry you got a diagnosis, I told you in earlier posts I had this July 22 

this is just a bump on the road it's a hard one but a doable one 

the first few weeks are hard once you got to accept it it gets easier you put the big girl pants on a put up that fight don't for one min let it get you otherwise it's won 

you can do this that bump will straighten you will soon. E back to your normal self and get a glass of wine never hurt anyone .

here to chat anytime stay here for support lovely 

big hugs we are all here for you 

love Lara ️

Hi love

I have invasive ductal carcinoma grade 3, I started chemo the Friday before last. I am currently on my second pint of Guinness! Last night I had a friend around for dinner.

Every day is NOT a write off on treatment, trust me. The whole experience is temporary and you will get back to normal stuff at some point, and have days where you feel pretty regular, apart from that fatigue.

And on the bad days, your friends will adjust. You will have good times with cups of tea, and tv, and resting.

All my love x 

Clars 

brilliant you are having a pint of Guinness if you have a good day why not love this ️

Hi Pauline21, keeping everything crossed for you that you have a better outcome. So awful for you to have lost your mum and sister to this.  

Stay strong and sending you big hugs for tomorrow x 

Hi case4, sorry to hear you are going through same and also having this to contend with along side your mum's alzhemiers diagnosis. Have they told you how they will be treating you? Like me I suppose, until they get her2 results you won't know for sure.  Again a waiting game, but at least we have the nhs, as stretched as they are they do try their hardest for us. 

I am not sure, from reading, what is the best result, to be her2 positive or to be negative. Does seem there has been a lot of research into her2 with good outcomes. 

Take care of yourself and thank you for writing. X

Hi lara, thank you again for writing, it does help knowing you can come on here and know you're not alone. I do have a great partner but I also feel guilty for putting him through this.

He lost his wife in 2010 from MND, whilst at same time he had a brain tumor but not cancerous thank god.  Our meeting in 2016 I thought was the icing on the cake for both of us and time for good things......but I know life ain't like that. 

Having this forum to talk is helping so that I don't burden him with it all.  I can't even think how I'm going to tell my girlfriends and family, I don't want to upset them, or have them see me any other way. Also trying to keep it a secret from my daughter might mean telling some friends and not others as their children are in same peer group, i say children they are 22 but they are always our babies!.  I suppose for now I might keep to myself until I know treatment plan going forward after her2 result. If chemo required then I don't think I will be able to hide it from daughter so I can tell everyone then. 

Take care Lara thank you again  

Hi Clars, excellent that gives me hope! The way it came across when I was diagnosed was that really we should be avoiding alcohol now and even after we are better.  I just thought, oh come on ....life's a *** getting cancer but no alcohol now that's just cruel! 

With you being on chemo is that because you were her2 positive or because of the grade? Is grade and stage the same thing? Are you having chemo before surgery or after? Sorry for all the questions, I've been reading loads but good to find someone fairly similar.

Enjoy the guiness......jealous!

Hi Badger,

I was in a similar position as you when I was first diagnosed 13 years ago. My son was nearing the end of his degree course and my daughter was sitting her A Levels. I had previously lost my mum to secondary breast cancer and they were old enough to have seen that. 

I debated whether or not to tell them, but was terrified that they might find out from someone else and end up being upset that I hadn't told them. I waited until I had my full results and had discussed my treatment with my consultant. I found that it helped to have a way forward to show the children. This also gave me the chance to be more positive about the outcome, which I believe helped greatly in how they dealt with my diagnosis. Since then, I have noted how people react to a cancer diagnosis and have discovered that if you appear down about your diagnosis, then everybody tiptoes around you and treats you differently. If you are positive in yourself, they deal with it much better. 

If you are afraid that your daughted might go into a spiral, she might benefit from discussing your news with a counsellor. Many cancer charities offer this service free of charge and it can help to talk things through with someone who knows about cancer. I am pleased to say that my children dealt with my diagnosis well and were very supportive, but they also passed their exams and graduated.

With regard to the odd glass of wine. My mum never touched a drop from the day that she was diagnosed. She wasn't a heavy drinker anyway, but it always felt awful, especially on special occasions. She still developed secondaries in her brain, bones, liver and lungs and eventually died from these. I have had the occasional glass, despite having now had 2 bouts of breast cancer. I am still leading a busy and fulfilling life 13 years on from diagnosis.

You'll get through this and you'll become a stronger person as a result of the experience.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx